What is loneliness?

(Topic for Socrates’ coffee.)

Not long ago, a friend C from same town moved to Chengdu like I did, and her apartment is about five-minutes walk from mine. At the begging of this year, she moved back to hometown. Almost at the same time, I started the dual-city mini life:weekdays in and weekends out.

In a city where the peers are all absent, the hang-out with her becomes my sole social event. And I am the few person she could talk to, as she said at dinner table today. We should have no complains on this since we made the choice with full awareness. No shopping, no bar, no cafes, and we can deal with that.

We know that we won’t fit in the local life. By saying local life, I am more emphasis on the difference in types not in levels. It is the value, culture, habits and so on beneath the lifestyle, hence the difference has no descriptive look. But we can feel it.

I feel it and I don’t walk in the day.

Loneliness is everywhere, and humans fall into situations where misunderstanding, distrust, abuse, rejections exist. Even when we stand in the center of city, families, or other loves, the loneliness might knock your door anytime.

The first time I tasted loneliness is when I was 5. I remembered clearly that afternoon, I happened to hear the family conversation outside of the window. My grand-parents said I was rejected by the local Kindergarten. Suddenly, I rushed to a corner and started to cry. Some disappointment, some angers, some sadness, and more confusions. I cried, as how I felt.

And in that afternoon, it is the strongest memory I feel me is me, as a complete whole. As a kid, I have desire, wantings, wishes, and all emotions, more importantly, a sense of individuality. Being an individual, is being partly unknown. That unknown embedded the loneliness. It’s a loss that we don’t know ourselves fully and a blame to others who cannot help.

Admitting alone is not a shame, it’s ready- made for human existence.