Why you lie?

I have to admit that I lie in a very few occasions, but most of the time I try to be genuine. It’s not self defense. Every lie would pay the price I believe.

The only lie or truth I would tell or cover is about my family. It’s shameful to admit that I generally will be offended by the question— how many siblings you have. Almost many people around me is the only child in the family. They usually take it for granted. However, my situation is so different— I have 4 siblings. This is shocking for many.

Since I was little, I try to make myself look normal. Even when mom brought the umbrella to the primary school, I asked her to no do it again cuz I thought others’ parents didn’t do that and my mom embarrassed me by making me special.

This may explain why I would not tell others that I’m from a big family. Fears of people’s judgement. Self protection. So when people ask, I will say one sibling. Even so, they are still shocked.

Sometimes I was sick of not telling the truth but I don’t really want to discuss this. Therefore, I just keep lying. I blame myself for not acknowledging my other siblings. That’s the price it pays whereas a little sense of safety may also generate from the statement I made. Ashamed.

I love my families but this lie is my shell and it’s not easy to correct the lies as it damages the trust. What should I do? Sick of this but maybe when I get stronger, there is no need for such lie.

Sorry S. Still not brave to tell everything.