之前答应某位同学说说2012年CATTI三笔DELTA水龙头公司的简介,但一直懒得动手。为什么?
自出道以来,分析过有道人工翻译、中国美术馆和保利地产的官方译文,都没有实现我远大的目标-比如网易老总请我做个副总裁啥的,中国美术馆任命我为翻译总监啥的,或者保利送我套房子啥的。
可惜,现在,啥都没有。
更重要原因在于,那年的考试题目没什么难度。相比之下,保利地产的翻译术语太多,而且逻辑也要理解,句子也要重组,难度高出不少。而DELTA是最平实的简介-内容上基本没有术语、也没有太多逻辑上需要理解的东西。只要断断句,整理下句子结构就可以了。
BUT,狗眼看人高,看错了。网上流传的某个版本,哎…如果我是DELTA的老板,看到这种翻译版本,估计起诉法院见的心都有了。事实上,这家公司是真实存在的,而且也有英文官网。看看官方的译文,就会明白啥叫不老老实实说话,啥叫瞎译。
这是大病,但可治,
但不能保证治愈。
对了,那个啥.....
总部位于美国印第安纳州的得而达(Delta)水龙头公司是美国一家上市公司Masco集团的核心企业。MASCO集团是世界五百强,家居及装饰行业的领导者,在美国乃至世界有70多家子公司,在全球有超过61,000名雇员,年销售额超过121亿美元。
Delta Water Faucet Company, with its headquarters located in Indiana, U.S., is the core enterprise of the U.S. listed Masco Corporation. As one of the world Top 500 Enterprises, the Corporation remains the lead infurnishing and decorating industry, boasting over 70 subsidiaries in the U.S. and around the word, with more than 61,000 employees worldwide and an annual sales volume of over 12.1 billion US dollars.
看起来是不是感觉译得还不错。总体不错,细节错太多,甚至错得可笑。而且,不会断句。
1.总部位于美国印第安纳州的得而达(Delta)水龙头公司是美国一家上市公司Masco集团的核心企业。
Delta Water Faucet Company, with its headquarters located in Indiana, U.S., is the core enterprise of the U.S. listed MascoCorporation.
水龙头怎么翻?这位译者,过来把脸伸过来,自己抽自己吧。明明就是faucet,却非得加一个water?想啥子呢?天天用的水龙头译成“水水龙头”,不感觉丢人吗?如果是难懂的术语错了,情有可原,毕竟大家都不明白。但是这种生活性的基础词汇都能译错,丢人真是丢到了DELTA。
补充下,官方的公司名字是Delta Faucet Company,首次出现D-F-C都要大写,后面再次出现直接说Delta。
美国的缩写是U.S.,对吗?前面少个什么东西,好好想想。
“核心企业”译成 the core enterprise中不中?见到企业就译成enterprise?这里用the合适吗?啥时用the,啥时用a/an,好好查查字典。
2.MASCO集团是世界五百强,家居及装饰行业的领导者,在美国乃至世界有70多家子公司,在全球有超过61,000名雇员,年销售额超过121亿美元。
As one of the world Top 500 Enterprises, the Corporation remains the lead infurnishing and decorating industry, boasting over 70 subsidiaries in the U.S.and around the word, with more than 61,000 employees worldwide and an annual sales volume of over 12.1 billion US dollars.
这句话有些长,该怎么办?断句啊。理论上英文可以按照语法,无限地变长,但是长句子谁愿意读?理解起来也难啊。所以,公司简介类的文章都比较追求短词、短句、短逻辑。不信?去世界500强的国外公司英文官网瞅瞅。
这里,明显是跟着原文走,在直译的大坑里自我陶醉。当然,细节性的错误让人不忍直视。
“世界500强”怎么说?这其实是咱们对财富500强的简称,Fortune’s Global 500。如果不知道这背后的意思,那就直译哟,the world’s 500 top companies。
真心不了解为什么动不动就喜欢用enterprise这个单词,感觉很高大上吗?
“家居和装饰行业”译成为furnishing and decorating industry,中不?中个毛线。前面的the呢?译者把两个动词都译成ing形式,追求对仗吗?装饰行业明明是decoration industry好不好?有现成的名词不用,非得用ing形式,这是病。
“领导者”多么简单的内容啊,竟然译成Remain the lead,呵呵,去死吧。Remain in the lead好不好?而且,为什么不简简单单地说a leader?有现成的不用,非得想着耍花招。你以为让你写八股作文呢?
其实,这一句可以理解为典型的“评论+事实”结构,前面说了结论,后面提供数据事实做支持。但后面的数据内容有些多,放到从句的内容自然就多,需要做调整。怎么调?
另外,“销售额”用sales就可以,再加个volume就多余了。
所以,这段内容可以试着这么译:
Headquartered in Indiana, the United States, Delta Faucet Company is a core business of the American listed enterprise Masco. Masco is one of the world’s top 500 companies and a leader in the home furnishing and decoration industry. It employs more than 61,000 people in over 70 subsidiaries in the United States and other countries, and generates more than USD 12.1 billion in annual sales.
或者,我就喜欢用长句,一句话说下来呢?想顺着说?很简单,先说身份,再说细节。于是,就变成了这样:
Headquartered in Indiana, the United States, Delta Faucet Company is a core business of the American listed enterprise Masco. As one of the world’s top 500 companies and a leader in the home furnishing and decoration industry, Masco has more than 70 subsidiaries in the United States and beyond, employs more than 61,000 people worldwide, and generates more than USD 12.1 billion in annual sales.
接着向下看....
自从得而达的创始人Alex Manoogian先生在1954年发明了具有划时代意义的单柄水龙头之后,得而达就一直是水龙头制造行业的领导者。德尔达公司是全美水龙头行业中首家成功获得ISO9001质量标准认证的企业。五十多年来一直行业领先,已经成为品质可靠、精巧耐用、物有所值产品的象征。
Delta has all along been the leader of water faucet producing industry since its founder, Mr. Alex Manoogian, invented the single-handle water faucet with epoch-making significance in 1954. It is the first American water faucet corporation to have successfully obtained the certification of ISO 9001 Quality Standard Certification. Over the past more than five decades, Delta has become the symbol of reliable quality, delicateness and durability, and products deserving the price.
这句话的直译水平相当之高,可以说,绝了。
1. 自从得而达的创始人AlexManoogian先生在1954年发明了具有划时代意义的单柄水龙头之后,得而达就一直是水龙头制造行业的领导者。
Delta has all along been the leader of water faucet producing industry since its founder, Mr.Alex Manoogian, invented the single-handle water faucet with epoch-making significance in 1954.
“领导者”前面用the,可行吗?哪个公司厚着脸皮用The?一点也不谦虚着用a!
“具有划时代意义”译成“with epoch-making significance”,是不是挺好的。可是,这不感觉有些自吹自擂吗?比如,“惊天动地的变化”译成earth-shaking changes?得了吧,搞不好就变成地震了。这种比较夸张的用法转换成英文就简单点,big changes。在这里,historic就足够了。
“单柄水龙头”这种术语,找找字典或许能找得到。否则,考试时直译。
“水龙头制造行业”用water faucet producing industry,关于water和不加the的问题先不骂你,你用producing就能掩盖你不会选用单词的弊端吗?水龙头制造不就是典型的制造业吗?天天喊着制造业,不就是manufacturing吗?
use your head, please!
2.德尔达公司是全美水龙头行业中首家成功获得ISO9001质量标准认证的企业。
It is the first American water faucet corporation to have successfully obtained the certification of ISO 9001 Quality Standard Certification.
中式英语的典型内容即将出现。
我一直不明白company哪里low了?动不动就用Corporation,难道是想换词汇让译文看起来不啰嗦?company也没出现几次啊。
更搞笑的是“成功获得”译成“successfully obtained”,可不可以?真是直译王的传人。既然获得了,当然是成功了。如果不成功,还获得个毛线啊!脱了裤子放屁,还是臭。
the first to 后面接什么时态的动词?应该是一般现在时吧。基本上没有看到过后面接现在完成时的。当然,也可能是因为我是井底之蛙。
呱……呱……呱
其实,这句话和上句有重复的地方,那就是“水龙头行业”,能不能想办法化解下这种词汇的重复?当然可以,其实这句话的意思就是“第一个获得ISO9001认证的美国生产企业”。
最后,ISO9001质量标准认证怎么翻译?实际上,应该是“质量管理认证”,官网上清晰地写着呢。ISO 9001 Quality Standard Certification也没错,但是,certification的c为什么要大写?不理解啊。
直接译成ISO9001 certification也没错。因为ISO9001的内容就是“Quality management”。这就好比我们经常说“WTO世贸组织”一样,一边说英文,一边带中文。但是obtain the certification of ....certification,不感觉自己不会说话了吗?废话那么多,却说得那么自然。
3. 五十多年来一直行业领先,已经成为品质可靠、精巧耐用、物有所值产品的象征。
Overthe past more than five decades, Delta has become the symbol of reliable quality, delicateness and durability, and products deserving the price.
我严重怀疑这位译者的智力有问题。
首先,“品质可靠、精巧耐用、物有所值”是不是都是修饰“产品”的?如果不能明白这一点,这翻译基本上没法做了。可惜,这位译者没明白。
更可惜的是,他似乎或者根本上不知道啥时用the!这个地方译成the symbol of,舔着脸说这种话的公司也真是奇葩。
再说说“品质可靠、精巧耐用、物有所值”怎么译。
品质可靠-说产品可靠,肯定说的是品质啊!所以,这个地方品质根本不需要出现。精巧-译成delicateness,呵呵,产品说成delicate的不多,也就是艺术品多点吧。一个水龙头瞎凑什么热闹。耐用-durable,没问题。物有所值-译成deserving the price,真心是直译王的传人。Price是啥?一毛线的东西标到1万,买不买?买了值吗?动动脑子啊!
当然,这个地方其实又重复了“行业领先,”可以省略或者转化。
当然,我还看到一种显得比较高大上的译法:
The past more than five decades has marked the leadership of the corporation in its industry and the product has been symbolized by its reliable quality, delicate design, durability and better value for money.
我只想对这位译者说一句话:
天不早了,回家洗洗睡吧。
SO,这段可以这么译:
Since its founder Mr. Alex Manoogian invented the first single-handle faucets in1954, Delta has been a leading player in the faucet manufacturing industry. It is the first American manufacturer to obtain ISO 9001 certification. After more than 50 years, the leading company has become a symbol of products that are reliable,durable and deliver value for money.
接着下一段.....
现在,得而达在美国、加拿大及中国拥有5家大型工厂,年产量超过XXX。在美国乃至全球,美国得而达公司的产品正被越来越多的家庭使用。目前,在全球已经安装了超过2亿个得而达水龙头,是全球水暖专家首选品牌。
Delta owns five large factories in the U.S.,Canada and China, with an annual output of XXX. Delta’s products are now winning greater popularity among (are winningmore access to) families in the U.S. and around the world. Nowadays, over 200million Delta water faucets are installed all over the world, and the brand is the top choice for global plumbing experts.
世界上有一种人是你永远也叫不醒的,比如这位译者。
在直译的宽阔道路上,像风一样的奔跑。
1. 现在,得而达在美国、加拿大及中国拥有5家大型工厂,年产量超过XXX。
Delta owns five large factories in the U.S.,Canada and China, with an annual output of XXX.
这句话没啥可说的。实在太简单,所以没有错误。也可以把后面的With结构变成ing从句,producing more than XXX faucets each year.
2. 在美国乃至全球,美国得而达公司的产品正被越来越多的家庭使用。
Delta’s products are now winning greater popularity among (are winning more access to)families in the U.S. and around the world.
首先,“使用”和“winning greater popularity”是一个概念吗?有的电影叫好不叫座,也一样可以挣钱?win more access可以用。但为什么不能老老实实地说话,用最简单保证不会出错的use呢?估计是看外刊看多了,总想着现学现用吧。
另外delta’s 不感觉和上句有些重复吗?换成its会不会?
3.目前,在全球已经安装了超过2亿个得而达水龙头,是全球水暖专家首选品牌。
Nowadays, over 200 million Delta water faucets are installed all over the world, and the brand is the top choice for global plumbing experts.
一个典型的“事实+结论”句子,更是被译成了并列句。呵呵,狗眼看人高,事实证明是错误的。
先说“水暖”怎么译?有同学译成water heating,让我痛不欲生。一个建筑业的优秀人才被译成了锅炉烧水工人。哎!心塞。这种专业术语查字典啊。
“首选品牌”译成the top choice继续传承着“王婆卖瓜、自卖自夸”的厚脸皮精神。
佩服!所以,只能出个低级版本:
Delta has five large factories in the United States, Canada and China, producing more than XX units each year. And these products can be found in more and more families in the United States and beyond. With more than 200 million of its faucets installed across the world, Delta has emerged as a brand of choice among global plumbing experts,
FINALLY,终于到了最后一段。
得而达作为水龙头和相关产品的全球专家,能够全方位满足全球顾客对设计、功能、质量、外观方面的每一个要求。
As the global expert of water faucets and relevant products, Delta can comprehensively meet all the requirements of global customers on designs, functions, quality and outward appearance.
这句话其实挺简单的,中文的逻辑也很清楚。
但这位译者实在伤透了我的心!
全球专家又译成the global expert?脸呢?看看哪个大企业是这么喜欢用the的。更重要的是expert后面的介词是什么?!不是of,我的亲哥哥!多查字典会死吗?字典上不明明写着at 或者in吗?
“相关产品”用relevant和related?呵呵,后者。为啥?自己查字典去吧。那么,“相关部门”怎么译?可以用relevant也可以用规范的说法:competent authorities。
注意,后面“全方位”和“每一个”是有语义重复的。而且那个副词comprehensively不感觉太占地方吗?这种空洞的副词没有实质性的意义。那么,“要求”译成requirement中不?滚蛋。
查查字典有那么难吗?就不知道最简单的need,表示需求吗?!
话说回来,requirement后面的介词是on吗?for!
那么need后面跟什么介词?for。
那么,外观怎么说?outward appearance?真想糊你一脸水龙头!
appearance不就是outward look吗?直译王啊,没译成out(外)+look(观)=outlook,谢谢你!
As a global expert at faucets and related products, Delta can meet every need of global customers for design, function,quality and look.
终于终于结束了…….MD!
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