Today, I kissed the guy I like. That would've been great, if his breath hadn't smelled/tasted like he'd chewed dog shit that'd been let sizzle in the sun. FML
怀着激动的心情亲了我的男神，现在的我恶心的要死，总有一股吃了一口晒干的狗屎的味儿。 FML
Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML
我出去做家教，谈好的价钱是25美金每小时，完了以后要收钱了，我妈跟人家说只要给10块就行，已经不是第一次了。FML
Today, I was buying veggies with my five-year-old. She saw some brussel sprouts and begged me to buy them. I thought there was no way she'd like them, but I do, so I got them. Later, she was sitting on the couch eating them raw like candy. I have a weird kid. FML
有人会喜欢生吃包菜么（甘蓝）？今天带我女儿去菜场买菜，中间看到卖甘蓝（包菜）的，结果我女儿就一直让我买，一直以来我女儿就不爱吃包菜，但是我还比较喜欢所以就买了两个，结果回到家，我女儿抱着生甘蓝直接开始啃，这特么的确定不是一只兔子？FML
Today, a child complimented me by telling me that I look like a potato. The good kind of potato. FML
今天被一个孩子夸奖说我长得像个土豆，好土豆。FML
Today, my principal observed me teach my high school social studies class. At the end of the period, he told me, "Your zipper was open the entire time. I wonder if the students noticed that your underwear matched the buildup of dandruff on your shoulder." FML
楼主高中教师，今天校长来我的班听课，下课的时候，跟我讲了两件事情，一件坏事一件好事，坏事是我的裤子的拉链没拉，好事儿是我的头皮屑跟我的衣服颜色很搭。FML
Today, I added my boss to the "ew" list on Skype. I then realized it sends her a notification. FML
英国人和美国人叫恶心ew，员工都喜欢给自己的老板打一些比较不好的标签，比如傻逼之类的，今儿上班呢，我在自己的skype上面新建了一个群“垃圾”，然后把我们老板给拖进去了。，问题是我拖进去的一刹那突然想起来个问题，skype这个傻叉会给我老板发提醒的。。。明天我是不是用来上班了？FML
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