2023-03-07 Running away from pai

Pain is just a messenger telling you to watch out for danger.

This means you don’t want to avoid pain. I mean, just think of how many serious burns you’d have on your fingers if your hands were incapable of sending pain signals to your brain?

This same principle applies to emotional pain…

Just like the pain you feel in your finger when it’s getting burned, emotional pain like anxiety, guilt, or sadness are uncomfortable but not themselves dangerous.

Simple example:

You feel fear when a bear is chasing you. Fear is just your brain’s way of trying to help you stay alive and not get mauled to death by the bear. The real danger, of course, is the bear!
Unfortunately, it’s easy to confuse emotional pain for a danger and start treating it like one by running away…

You feel anxious about a big project you need to work on and immediately distract yourself with lots of minor tasks and to-dos.
You feel sad and immediately lose yourself in some hilarious Tik-Tok videos.
Your spouse asks you what’s wrong after a bad day at work, and instead of explaining how afraid you are of losing your job, avoid it altogether by telling them you’re “just a little stressed.”
Here’s the problem:

Running away from emotional pain makes you feel better in the short term, but it makes you feel worse in the long term.

When you habitually avoid something, you’re teaching your brain that that thing is dangerous. This means the next time that thing shows up, you’re going to feel extra afraid.

Now, this is a good thing if what you’re avoiding is actually dangerous — like a bear!

But it’s a huge mistake if the thing you’re avoiding isn’t actually dangerous, just painful — sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, resentment, or really any painful emotion.

By habitually avoiding painful emotions, you’re teaching your own brain that it’s dangerous to feel bad.

But feeling bad emotionally is a normal and unavoidable part of the human experience. You can’t actually avoid it. But the more you try, the worse your suffering becomes in the end.

Remember: Just because it feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad.

Stop running away from painful emotions and learn how to validate them instead.