From: the 7 habits Of highly effective people
Author: Steven R covey
Translator: 一切都还不晚
译文仅供个人学习，不用于任何形式商业目的，转载请注明原作者、文章来源、翻译作者，版权归原文作者所有。
高效能人士的七个习惯
There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right living.
DAVID STARR JORDAN
这个世界上，真正的优秀是永远都不能与正确的生活分开！
大卫·思达尔·乔丹
In more than 25 years of working with people in business, university, and marriage and family settings, I have come in contact with many individuals who have achieved an incredible degree of outward success, but have found themselves struggling with an inner hunger, a deep need for personal congruency and effectiveness and for healthy, growing relationships with other people.
在过去的25年里，我和很多来自商界、大学以及建立了婚姻家庭的人共事过，他们很多人都取得很大的外在成就，但同时也了解到她们的内心有时也很挣扎，挣扎于内心的贫乏。在个人的和谐与高效，如何和周边的人之间有一个健康并不断成长的关系上有深层次的需求。
I suspect some of the problems they have shared with me may be familiar to you.These are deep problems, painful problems, problems that quick fix approaches can't solve.
我猜测，他们分享给我的一些问题，可能也同样在你身上出现过。这些都是深刻的，令人感到痛苦的问题，而且那些快速的修复方法对这些问题都不再奏效。
A few years ago, my wife Sandra and I were struggling with this kind of concern. One of our sons was having a very difficult time in school. He was doing poorly academically; he didn't even know how to follow the instructions on the tests, let alone do well on them. Socially he was immature, often embarrassing those closest to him.
多年以前，我的妻子和我就曾陷入这种情况里。在那一段时间里，我们的儿子在学校里的情况非常糟糕，学习成绩不好，甚至在考试期间找不到教室，更不用说能好好考试了。社交上他更是不成熟，经常让我们感到非常尴尬。
Athletically, he was small, skinny, and uncoordinatedswinging his baseball bat, for example, almost before the ball was even pitched. Others would laugh at him.
在体育运动上他是渺小瘦弱，而且动作很不协调，在打棒球时挥空杆，例如，在球还没到来之前就挥杆，以至于别人常常笑话他。
Sandra and I were consumed with a desire to help him. We felt that if “success” were important in any area of life, it was supremely important in our role as parents. So we worked on our attitudes and behavior toward him and we tried to work on his. We attempted to psych him up using positive mental attitude techniques. “Come on, son! You can do it! We know you can. Put your hands a little higher on the bat and keep your eye on the ball. Don't swing till it gets close to you.” And if he did a little better, we would go to great lengths to reinforce him. “That's good, son, keep it up.”
妻子和我都强烈的一致同意要帮助他。我们认为，如果说成功在生活中的各个方面都异常重要的话，那么在我们扮演的所有角色中，做一个完美的父母将是最最重要的。因此，我们研究了我们对待他态度和行为，并试图也去研究他的态度和行为。我们试图通过积极心理学的方式来激励他。“来吧，儿子，你能做到，我和妈妈知道你可以的。把你的手放到球杆稍高的位置，并盯住球，直到球快要接近你时才挥杆击球”，并且只要他做得稍微好一点，我们就会竭力去加强我们对他的鼓励。“儿子，做得很棒，就是这样的，继续努力”。
When others laughed, we reprimanded them. “Leave him alone. Get off his back. He's just learning.” And our son would cry and insist that he'd never be any good and that he didn't like baseball anyway.
当别人嘲笑他时，我们训斥他们。“并对嘲笑他们的人说，让他一个人待着，不要打扰他，他只是在练习。”有时我们的儿子会哭，并且坚持认为，他将永远也不能变好，以至于他不再喜欢打棒球了。
Nothing we did seemed to help, and we were really worried. We could see the effect this was having on his selfesteem. We tried to be encouraging and helpful and positive, but after repeated failure, we finally drew back and tried to look at the situation on a different level.
然而，我们所做的一切好像都不起作用，我们为此感到特别着急。我们可以看到，这些做法对他的自尊心产生了影响。我们试着变得更加有鼓动力，更加有帮助，更加积极，但是在不断的失败以后，我们最后不得不倒退回来，并试着从不同的角度上来看待我们所面临的情况。
At this time in my professional role I was involved in leadership development work with various clients throughout the country. In that capacity I was preparing bimonthly programs on the subject of communication and perception for IBM's Executive Development Program participants.
在那个时候，在我的专业领域里我参与到领导力发展的工作里，和来自全国各地的众多客户一起工作。在这项工作里，我负责为IBM的执行发展项目的参与者们准备关于沟通与观念的双月刊栏。
As I researched and prepared these presentations, I became particularly interested in how perceptions are formed, how they govern the way we see, and how the way we see governs how we behave. This led me to a study of expectancy theory and selffulfilling prophecies or the “Pygmalion effect,” and to a realization of how deeply imbedded our perceptions are. It taught me that we must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as at the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world.
当我在搜索和准备这些演示材料文稿时，我开始对观念是如何形成的尤其的感兴趣，观念是如何左右我们看待问题的方式呢，以及我们看待问题的方式又是如何影响我们的行为的呢？这些想法促使我研究期望理论以及自我满足预言，或者称之为“皮革马利翁效应”，从而认识了观念是怎样根植于我们的内心的。这些东西告诉我，我们不仅要去关注我们看待世界的那个镜头，也要关注我们所看的这个世界，这个镜头本身也会影响我们解释这个世界。
As Sandra and I talked about the concepts I was teaching at IBM and about our own situation, we began to realize that what we were doing to help our son was not in harmony with the way we really saw him. When we honestly examined our deepest feelings, we realized that our perception was that he was basically inadequate, somehow “behind.” No matter how much we worked on our attitude and behavior, our efforts were ineffective because, despite our actions and our words, what we really communicated to him was, “You aren't capable. You have to be protected.”
当我和妻子由讨论我正在IBM教授的课程联想到我们自己所面对的境况时，我们开始意识到，我们曾经为了帮助我们的儿子所做的一切和我们是如何真实看待他的，两者是不一致的。当我们真诚的袒露我们的内心深处的感受时，我们意识到我们的观念里，在某种程度上对儿子是信心不足的，且认为他就是有些落后的。无论我们怎么影响我们的态度和行为，我们的努力都是不起作用的。因为，虽然表面上我们的行动以及语言做到了鼓励，但实际上我们是在告诉儿子“你不能胜任，你真的需要我们的保护。”
We began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation, we first had to change ourselves. And to change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.
我们开始意识到，假如我们想扭转这种情形，我们首先必须改变我们自己，并且要想变得更加有效能，我们必须先改变我们的观念。
The End！
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