After sex, I am surprised to find out that I am pregnant.
At the moment, I am happy and at the same time, sad. No wonder the newborn is a bundle of joy. However, this also means I could spend the majority of my energy on the child and gave up my dream to be a doctor.
It was a really hard decision for me. I kept a secret from Jam. I can feel the child is growing inside of me. This makes me proud as a mother and more careful when I am doing everything. I can not stop walking like a pregnant mother. I love my child.
What about the incomes? I am the main income of two of us right now. Jam needs to be the one who makes money. "What if I am pregnant?" I asked Jam. "You should get pregnant," she said, "I would love to make money for you and our child."
I smiled, then thinking about the limited time I have on my dream.
Abortion? I might go through the painful process and compromise my ability to gave birth to children at that time. Which one I should kill my child or my dream, my fertility or my conscious? with no choice, my first intention is to keep the child. I think it is written in my gene, my maternal instinct.
No wonder people could accomplish their dream when they found out they get pregnant. However, I know it is crazy hard and just one in a million so their stories are told. I was devastating. I hate myself while loving the baby.
I am sad the baby in the way of my dream but I can only hate myself to get pregnant so unplanned.
I can see my life becomes plain and messed up.
I hate, regrate, feeling insecure, I was about to give up
I proud, I happy, but deeply worried.
I can not face this world and I closed my eyes.
Opened my eyes, I found out my morning bell is ringing. It is for my morning test.
I had a crazy dream.
We made love at night. In the morning, I woke up at 4:35 so I just went back to sleep
I am welcomed to the real world.
Maybe it is just a glimpse of my life at another dimension.
The time for one to spend is limited. Someone told me it is more precious than Gold. I used to feel that when I was young. Then, when I grew up, I seem to forget about that. This dream reminds me of how time is precious.
Sometimes people are stopped by obstacles in their lives, like cancer, poor, pregnancy. This does not stop us, but it will slow us down.
Live in today and remember your time is limited. You will need to make most of your life at such limited time while do not know the dynamic in the future.
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