美国心理学家亚瑟·阿伦博士在1997年做过一项研究，请参与者互相询问一些问题，来测试彼此关系的增进程度。
亚瑟·阿伦设计出来问题，具有持续性、不断深入性、双向性以及自我人格剖析的特点。实验证明，具有这些特点的问题提问方式，确实让参与者们明显感觉互相之间的亲密关系增强了。
这项试验研究的最初目的是为了增强大学生之间的人际关系，但随后亚瑟·阿伦使用这些问题和提问方式，在不同人群之间进行测试——警察之间，社区成员之间，甚至持不同政见的人们之间——结果，都获得了成效。
亚瑟·阿伦设计的问题，被归纳出36个问题。
后来，有人又组织陌生单身男女一起，用这36个问题，测试是不是可以提高两个陌生人是不是可以迅速地爱上对方。
活动结果显示，效果惊人。美国的一位专栏作者参加了这个活动，亲历了两个陌生人轮流问对方36个问题，随着问题越来越私人化，两个人四目相对，一言不发地对视了4分钟——结局是两个人相爱了。
后来，她在《纽约时报》的爱情专栏上发表了文章，介绍自己参加活动的经历——文章发表的时候，她仍然跟活动上相爱的男朋友在一起。
有这样的传播效应，以至于江湖上出现了一个传说：
回答完这36个问题，陌生人也能相爱。
研究分析一下这36个问题，你会理解这个“奇迹”的产生的原理。
36个问题是分出层次的，随着问题的进行，问题越来私人化。当一个人愿意谈出自己的私人化问题时，更容易让彼此解除戒备，袒露自己内心脆弱的一面。两人互相袒露自己内心脆弱的地方，可以让陌生人之间迅速消除隔膜，拉近彼此的距离，建立亲密关系。
好，下面，见证奇迹的时刻到了。
跟朋友家人以及那个自己想拉近关系的人，做做这个36问游戏吧。
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
如果你可以选择世界上任何一个人，你想让谁做你晚餐的客人呢?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
你想出名吗?以哪种方式?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
在打电话之前，你有没有排练过你想要说的话?为什么?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
你的完美一天由什么组成?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
你最后一次独自唱歌是什么时候?最后一次和别人一起唱歌是什么时候?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
如果你能活到90岁，在你人生最后60年里，你想拥有30岁的大脑还是身体?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
你有想过你会怎么死吗?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
举出你和我的三个共同之处。
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
在你的人生中什么让你最感激?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
如果你能改变你成长的方式，你会去改变什么?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
用四分钟，尽可能详尽地告诉我你一生的故事。
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
如果你明天一觉醒来，拥有了某种新的品质或者能力，那会是什么呢?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
如果水晶球能告诉你关于你自己、你的人生、未来或者任何其他事情的真相，你想知道什么?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
有没有某样东西/某件事让你魂牵梦绕很久却没有实现的呢?为什么还没做呢?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
你一生最大的成就是什么?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
友谊中你最珍惜的是什么?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
你最珍贵的记忆是什么?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
你最糟糕的记忆是什么?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
如果你知道一年后你会突然死去，你会改变现在的生活方式吗?为什么?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
友谊对你意味着什么?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
爱情和感情在你的人生中起了什么作用?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
分享你认为我身上的5个优点。
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
你的家庭多亲密?你觉得自己的童年比大多数人都快乐吗?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
你觉得你和母亲的关系怎么样?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
分别造三句“我们”的句子。例如，“我们同时在这个房间，感觉……”
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
完成这句句子：“我希望我有一个能和他分享……的人。”
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
如果你想和我成为亲密的朋友，请分享你认为很重要并一定要我知晓的事情。
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
告诉我你喜欢我的什么；一定要中肯诚实，不要说那些和第一次见面的陌生人就能说的泛泛之谈。
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
分享给我你一生中一个尴尬的瞬间。
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
你最近一次在别人面前哭是什么时候?被谁弄哭的?还是自己哭的?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
告诉我你已经喜欢我的一点。
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
什么样的玩笑不能开?(如果有的话)
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
如果今晚你要死了，却没有机会和任何人交流，你最后悔没有告诉某人什么事?你为什么到现在为止没有说呢?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
如果你的家(包括你的所有财产)着火了。在救了爱的人和宠物外，你还有时间安全地再冲进去捡回一个东西。会是什么呢?为什么?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
家中所有的人中，谁的死会让你最不安?为什么?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
我会和你讲一个很私人化的问题，请你换位思考告诉我如果是你、你会如何处理。你觉得我在面对这个问题的时候是什么感觉呢?
网友评论