爱无所欲，异无所惧

分享晓莉水杉读书会的片段

As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something from the other person.

What you want from them may be pleasure or material gain, recognition, praise or attention, or a strengthening of your sense of self through comparison and through establishing that you are, have, or know more than they. What you fear is that the opposite may be the case, and they may diminish your sense of self in some way.

When you make the present moment the focal point of your attention–instead of using it as a means to an end–you go beyond the ego and beyond the unconscious compulsion to use people as a means to an end, the end being self-enhancement at the cost of others. When you give your fullest attention to whoever you are interacting with, you take past and future out of the relationship, except for practical matters. When you are fully present with everyone you meet, you relinquish the conceptual identity you made for them–your interpretation of who they are and what they did in the past–and are able to interact without the egoic movements of desire and fear. Attention, which is alert stillness, is the key.

How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your relationships. Love does not want or fear anything.

只要小我在掌控着你的生命，你大多数的思想、情绪、行为都来自于欲望和恐惧。这样一来，在关系中，你要不就是索取对方的什么东西，要不就是害 怕对方的什么东西。

你想从他们那里得到的也许是快乐，或是物质上的满足，或是认可、赞赏、 关注，又或者是通过比较、通过确定你比别人懂得多、比别人拥有得多来获 得一种自我感的强化。而你害怕的是情况也许正相反，你害怕他们在某些方 面可能会损及你的自我感。

当你将注意力聚焦于当下 – 而不是把当下看做达到目标的手段 – 你就超 越了小我，超越了不由自主地想利用别人达到目标，牺牲别人强化自己的无 意识的冲动。当你全神贯注于任何一个与你互动的人，你将过去与未来摈弃 在这关系之外，除非是为了处理实际问题。当你全然临在地与每一个你遇到 的人互动，你抛弃了那个你曾经给他们下的定义 – 那个关于他们是谁和他 们曾经做过什么的你的解读 – 你能够不带任何小我的欲望和恐惧与他们互 动。注意力，也就是警觉的宁静，是关键所在。

能够在你的关系里超越欲望与恐惧是多么棒的一件事。爱不需要也不害怕任 何事。（另一个译本：超越渴望和恐惧的人际关系，是那么美妙呀，爱，无所欲，异无所惧。）