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拓展写作|Day2-The Republic

拓展写作|Day2-The Republic

作者: 冥想音 | 来源:发表于2017-08-16 17:02 被阅读9次

    America has a republican form of government, just like many nations on the American continents as well as France and Switzerland in Europe. Republic means that the people have rights to govern the country by voting or dismissing public officers and lawmakers.

    By contrast, some nations are in a monarchy where political leaders are appointed or hereditary. The monarch in this government system is not chosen by the people, but takes power after the death of his or her father.The extreme example is the head of Russia- tsar, whose individual power is rather big that he decides at his or her own will. Most monarchies also have an aristocracy, where a body ofpeople havepoliticalprivileges. For instance inEngland the parliament , where the laws are made, consists of two parts. One comes from people, and the other hereditary nobles.

    However, there is no inherited rank in a republic. Republic gives everyone the same chance to succeed, judging from one’s perseverance and wisdom instead of one’s blood. An ordinary person can also rises to the highest rank in a republican nation. President Abraham Lincoln and the great poet Henry W. Longfellow are the best examples.


    定稿如下

                                                                        The Republic

    America has a republican form of government, just like many nations on the American continents as well as France and Switzerland in Europe. Republic means that the people have rights to govern the country by voting or dismissing public officers and lawmakers.

    By contrast, the political leaders in some monarchies are appointed or hereditary.The extreme example is the former Russia, whose king is called tsar. Hispower is so extraordinarythat he can govern quite as he pleases.Most monarchies also have an aristocracy, by which we mean, a body ofpeople havepoliticalprivileges.Take the British Parliament for instance,the members of the House of Lords hereditary peers.

    However, there is no inherited rank in a republic. Republic gives everyone the same chance to succeed, judging from one’s perseverance and wisdom instead of one’s blood. An ordinary person can also rises to the highest rank in a republican nation. President Abraham Lincoln and the great poet Henry W. Longfellow are the best examples.

    【一稿反思】

    一是动笔前行文逻辑和结构不缜密;二是纯粹按原文顺序写,没有依照原文从对比角度来写,即在解释君主制和贵族统治时,同时提到共和制特征;三是语言繁琐、试图面面俱到抓不住重点、有遗漏重要信息;四是句子间的过渡有些突兀,找不到词汇;五是吃不准时态;六是思考如何引出新的一个概念,用于概括的那句话如何写的简明扼要。还有最重要的一点,需要加深对原文的理解,有些地方偷换概念。

    补充:查证查证再查证!保证用词严谨!

    句子简洁第一,过渡第二。

    【直觉】

    虽然原文运用大量举例对比,但是究其根源,文章要讲的还是共和制,所以提炼信息从正面说共和制的规则是什么比较让人一目了然,何况这是摘要。举例中的细节尽量简化。

    【精彩表达】

    pass ontheir rank and parliamentary positions to their heirs by blood

    by which we mean我的意思是;指的是

    hereditary peers(英国上议院的)世袭贵族

    have no say in anything(本文指)没有说话的权利

    hold absolute power in every matter concerning the country

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