Stoner人生中的高光时刻 - 事业线 - Chapter Seven
But during the weeks that Edith was in St. Louis, when he lectured, he now and then found himself so lost in his subject that he became forgetful of his inadequacy, of himself, and even of the students before him. Now and then he became so caught by his enthusiasm that he stuttered, gesticulated, and ignored the lecture notes that usually guided his talks. At first he was disturbed by his outbursts, as if he presumed too familiarly upon his subject, and he apologized to his students; but when they began coming up to him after class, and when in their papers they began to show hints of imagination and the revelation of a tentative love, he was encouraged to do what he had never been taught to do. The love of literature, of language, of the mystery of the mind and heart showing themselves in the minute, strange, and unexpected combinations of letters and words, in the blackest and coldest print—the love which he had hidden as if it were illicit and dangerous, he began to display, tentatively at first, and then boldly, and then proudly.
He was both saddened and heartened by his discovery of what he might do; beyond his intention, he felt he had cheated both his students and himself. The students who had been able theretofore to plod through his courses by the repetition of mechanical steps began to look at him with puzzlement and resentment; those who had not taken courses from him began to sit in on his lectures and nod to him in the halls. He spoke more confidently and felt a warm hard severity gather within him. He suspected that he was beginning, ten years late, to discover who he was; and the figure he saw was both more and less than he had once imagined it to be. He felt himself at last beginning to be a teacher, which was simply a man to whom his book is true, to whom is given a dignity of art that has little to do with his foolishness or weakness or inadequacy as a man. It was a knowledge of which he could not speak, but one which changed him, once he had it, so that no one could mistake its presence.
在这一章中,Stoner的父母和Edith的父亲相继去世,前者死于疾病,后者则是因无力面对银行破产结局而导致的自杀。初读时每日进度不定,未曾注意到作者将Stoner的双亲与岳父的死安排在同一章节的设计。William回到儿时成长的小农场奔丧,迎接他的是一份陌生的熟悉感。卖掉农庄回到Columbia,所得收入拿来偿还购置新家所欠的贷款。
世界各国的宗教通过精致繁杂的庆典,将无形的信仰转化为有形的仪式,扩大信众的同时将代代传颂的故事与经典铭刻在世人心中,原本无依无着的存在于是逐渐成为摸得着看得见的实体。
网友评论