Photo：Austin Neill
This passage is about an epitomized conflict and reconciliation of a son and his parents, and it is with reason to say that we are sharing the similar life scenarios.
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She was an elite student all over when she was just a kid at school. Back then, living in the humble and cramped house, she was determined to crack all mystic puzzles without distractions from trivialities in life. Even equipped with a not-so-handsome bike, she was delighted to have her own and commuted back and forth. Our local school had been her home since she was thirteen. She was also my alumna and a witness of our evolving small city.
Searching for knowledge and enrolling in a college were becoming unprecedentedly the golden opportunities for ordinary people since National College Entrance Examination was resumed in 1979. The whole generation was inspired and devoted to the new market economy when only a selected few of students could be admitted to college with perfect job allocations. A lifelong secure job was all they aspired. Moreover, it would bring great glories and lift the whole family out of poverty through their own efforts.
Despite her mediocrity, she was daring to pursue her dream. Repeated recitations and mechanical memorization had went a long way in cramming up for politics, a mandated course for both literal arts and science. She persevered alone and became a college students after all.
In college, she would attentively learn food chemistry and processing, shunning much contact with the society. Landing a new world opened a unique chapter of life. Furthermore, the disparity between a city and small town astonished her and gave her enough incentive to climb a higher ladder, but unfortunately she failed.
At the same time, in a poor village more than 120 miles from hers, another inspiring monologue unveiled. He was quite different from other peers in his hometown. All straight A's led him to contemplate beyond the regularities of life. By virtue of his unremitting efforts, he had become one of the best students and ultimately managed to attend a provincially renowned university in law. To his enduring pride, he had been the excellent role model in campus. After graduating from university, he respectively worked as official secretary, communist cadre and village leader.
It seemed that life could be more thrilling for him embark on until he and she had finally met. Afterwards, all I could remember was his title as a university professor and for more than two decades, I have been brought up under their wings.
Since migration, he had been preparing for the master degree of law in Wuhan University. With delicate balance of life and work, he contrived to become the first graduate student in our ancestry.
In a sense, it is fairly embarrassing to suggest that everything that I have achieved is dwarfed by their accolades in their twenties. More often than not, Dad lamented when we were strolling on campus at home:
If only I had been more decisive and reflective in your decision-making moments.
The underlying message was all the more clear. Cognitive differences are becoming predominant as we grope for further quest. Whenever it comes to jobs, marriage, and life, we had disputes and uttered even heart-breaking words towards each other. In their eyes,
It was frustrating that I failed to enroll in a high-ranking university and chose English much to my pure interest.
It was disappointing that even though I finally passed the post-graduate exam, I could not land a superb job as everyone else did.
It was even surprising that I decided to work with my roommates in a startup where my skills seemed irrelevant.
However, as I reflected on every choice that I have made, maybe I was not all that competent and confident. For quite a long time, I have declined any opportunity to listen with heart, thus depriving me of comprehensive insights behind everything they have done.
During the Spring Festival, when we quietly sat down and had sincere conversations, I somehow discovered their deep-rooted mentality. Their memoir is extraordinarily spectacular and I would like to chronicle some major chapters and to share them with you. After listening to their stories, I elaborated my thoughts and motives. Such social interaction was beyond my imagination in the past, so I could say that to some degree, the heart-warming talks dissipated our misunderstanding and relieved their doubts.
To an outsider, I may be outstanding.
To my parents, I may be stubborn and uncompromising.
Such sentimental paradox prevails in most cases.
It is their hope that I will be self-reliant so as to survive in a metropolis.
It is their hope that I will land a secure job so as to placate their minds.
It is their hope that I will be goal-oriented in life so as to maximize my future potentials.
As for Mom, I used to violate almost every sentence that she dictated me. Besides, bombarded with unbearable chattering, I persisted regardless of her feelings. In my eyes, she is a meticulous, inarticulate and emotional person who has placed all of her unfulfilled dreams on me. After serious conversations, it dawned on me that my words and actions have militated my relationships with her. Deep in my heart, a sense of remorse always creeps in at the thought of my unobedience.
As for Dad, I hold great esteem for all he has accomplished and his responsibility for our family. It is him who have done his best to make a better life, and endeavor to create superior advantages for my education and also my life. He respects my decisions and I honor his. Fortunately, we have exchanged our ideas and opinions more and more later in my life.
My story may be unique, but it is convincing that through the transformation of my mentality, I am more mature and objective in communication with my parents and more likely to follow their hearts.
To conclude, I would like to list some of my humble strategies as follows:
Embrace love in your life. Conflicts may occur, but love is what makes us complete in the world. Open your heart, sit down and discuss.
Be responsible for your choices and actions. We are our own creators no matter what external advantages we may be endowed. Self-fulfilling prophecy, as you may have heard, will impinge on your life if you are convinced to create your beaten path.
Be an independent thinker. The ability to perceive and reflect on your own thoughts are essential in objective analysis and personal values. My technique is no exception, and if you are interested in reflective method, please peruse my last article on writing.
Good luck for everyone.
Hope we are all inspired.
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