在毫无希望的状态下想念一个人是最轻松的，因为想念的极限，不过是写煽情的文字给他看。行动越规矩，思想越放任。这种放任于我而言是一种深刻的耻辱，它的名字叫虚伪，即便获得母亲这样一个高贵的身份，也无法使我摆脱这种虚伪。所以面对家人，尤其是孩子，会心怀愧疚。有时会安慰自己：“可是我什么都没有做啊！”但那些写过的字，瞬间的放任，不过是死无对证罢了。我想做一个高贵而正直的人，希望可以在弥留之际，毫无愧疚地回顾自己的一生。但半生已过，毫无愧疚看来无望了。
毫无疑问，但即便与他偶遇，我还是会本能地克制自己，将温热的感情封装在冷漠的躯体里。不给自己看低自我的机会，如此想来，也是一种莫大的自信了。人最大的敌人是自己，真是这样的。
It’s much more easy to miss somebody hopelessly, because the limitation is nothing more than write sentimental letter to him. The most wanton thoughts live in the most disciplined action. Such wanton is a deep shame for me which I can’t get rid of, whose name is hypocrisy, even I have obtained a noble identity as a mother. So for families, especially my daughter, I’m guilty internally. Sometimes I console myself that “But I have done nothing!” But the words I wrote and the wanton moments I have spent are just dumb witnesses. I want to be a noble and upright man, so I can recall my whole life with no shame. But as half of my life has passed, this may not be realized finally.
Undoubtedly, I can manage to strictly control myself by the light of nature even when I meet him by chance, with hot emotion perfectly sealed in cool body. So as not to look down on myself. And this is a kind of full confidence. Thus we can say “Every man is his worst enemy.”
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