By Nancy Feng Liang
Discrimination is often subtle and elusive. It’s hard to prove, but the victim’s suffering is real. I would like to share my observations about the signs of possible discrimination, which may be particularly subtle and prevalent among Asian Americans.
1. The “x to 1” Panel
You find yourself suddenly get pulled into something that you were not invited to. When you walk into the room, you realize the discussion has been going on for a while, and all eyes are now on you to “help us understand something”. You face an unexpected series of questions, from multiple people that speak almost like a panel of prosecutors. Apparently, everyone in the room looks tense, and you have no context of what went wrong and why you were called in.
If this sounds familiar, you are probably getting discriminated against. Discrimination does not necessarily mean “contempt”, but “being treated differently.” You are treated with an intuitive suspicion of knowing something behind the scene, hiding information from others, or not forthcoming with sufficient transparency. And others even feel it’s OK to simply drag you into a discussion to question you together, in a “x to 1” format.
2. The “Venting” Machine
Do you find yourself often become a rather passive listener when people around you need to complain about others or release some anger? They grab your ears, throw unpleasant remarks - about others but AT you, and then tell you “I am just venting at you.” But you now have to absorb every word they say. Although you try your best to convince yourself that those remarks are not toward you, you still end up feeling depressed, and you wonder why you’ve been picked as the target for them to vent at.
If this sounds familiar, you are probably getting discriminated against. In normal circumstances, you have no obligation to serve others’ venting needs. No one should be involuntarily turned into a trash bin to collect and hold others’ negative emotion, especially if that negative emotion has nothing to do with you. This is a sign that others feel some sort of power over you to make you tolerate their unpleasant remarks, and they expect you to be submissive and show no objection.
3. The Sounding Board
Do you find yourself often asked to serve as “the sounding board” of a risky, wild or untested idea, just for people to “test your reactions”? This “sounding board” typically has something to do with certain elements of your culture or your national origin. At the beginning, it seems all fine and even flattering. But over time you realize that you are effectively reduced into a symbol that represents something bigger, and as the “sounding board” you’ve become a convenient tool for others to practice and refine their viewpoints, some of which may be controversial to the extent that you are cornered to have to disagree or refute.
If this sounds familiar to you, you are probably getting discriminated against. You are a unique individual with depths of ideas, who cannot and should not be reduced to a symbol to represent a group. You have your right to keep your own opinions private rather than react constantly to serve as a sounding board. When what you are supposed to represent and who you are turn out to be misaligned and mismatched, things become more tricky. It causes you to question your identity, expose your values, and react one way or the other that can make you uncomfortable.
4. The Defensive Person
Is there someone in your environment who is described as “a bit defensive” and getting coached to “not overreact”? In almost any group context, we will encounter someone with this sort of label, who is given more feedback along the similar line. Eventually it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that the more feedback and coaching this person gets to be less defensive, the more defensive he or she will become.
More often than not, the one labeled “defensive” is the one who has already experienced discrimination, but does not quite know how to make others understand the impact of their actions on him or her. Although some people are more sensitive than others, human beings are essentially not that different when it comes to what makes them feel they have to defend themselves - when they feel they are attacked, and attacked unfairly. The defensive person is almost a clear signal that perhaps there are already cases of discrimination going on in this environment, quiet, unspoken, but potentially damaging.
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