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《中式英语之鉴》笔记:冗余4——同一个事情说两遍

《中式英语之鉴》笔记:冗余4——同一个事情说两遍

作者: 张最棒是小可爱呀 | 来源:发表于2018-06-19 17:41 被阅读7次

    Unnecessary Words

    --- Saying the Same Thing Twice

    正如前面几节提到的那样,英语中一个重要的指导原则就是反对冗余。

    在这方面的权威美国学者Wilson Follett提出了“反对冗余原则”。他认为,一篇文章里,同一个事情不应该重复提。在英语中,每个句子都应该传达出新的信息,如果句子表达的信息是前文已经说过的,或是前文隐含的,那么这些句子只会浪费读者的时间。这种句子在文章中出现的越频繁,它们就越容易阻碍信息的传达,越容易引发读者的反感。

    Repetitiveness is nowadays considered a sign of pauperdom in oratory, and of feeble-mindedness in narrative.

    英国作家Robert Graves和Alan Hodge曾说过,重复就意味着词藻的贫瘠和叙述上逻辑的缺乏

    当然,有的时候把同一个事情说两遍也是有一定合理性的。例如,从古至今,重复都是表示强调的有力途径之一。但是,只有不滥用才能保证这种方式的有效性。在中译英中,冗余的重复出现的次数远远高于有效重复出现的次数。

    因此,在翻译的过程中,我们要时刻警惕冗余的出现。句子中任何前文已经表达的信息都可能是冗余。

    Forms of Repetition in Chinglish

    中式英语中同一个事情重复表达的形式主要有以下三种:

    1. simple restatement (same idea presented twice in different words)

      单纯重复 (同一个意思换一个词表达)

    2. self-evident statement (one idea implicit in another)

      不言自明(需要表达的意思已经隐含在句子其他成分)

    3. mirror-image statement (same idea presented first in positive form, then in negative)

      正反两说(同一个意思,正着说一遍,反着再说一遍)

    01

    simple restatement

    这种类型的重复我们应非常熟悉了:它就是同意堆叠的扩充。不同的就是,它不是两个词表达一样的意思,而是句子中有两部分表达同一个意思。

    • we must arrive at the station on time and be punctual.

    有的时候链接句子两个部分的连词不是“和”而是“为了”。这就使句子进入了一种死循环。

    • we must arrive at the station on time in order to be punctual.

    通常,中文中缺少表示句子中两部分逻辑关系的连接词,所以,在中译英的过程中就容易出现这种“循环”。原文中逻辑引导词的缺失,让译者觉得有必要在译文中增译出这一逻辑连接词,根据译者自身的理解,会增译“和”或者“为了”(有的时候也会增译“或”)。但是遗憾的是,这些词并不能解决问题,因为这只是一种重复。

    02

    self-evident statement

    这种类型的重复,并不是将句子的一部分换了一种表达方式,而是这部分想要表达的意思已经隐含在句子中了。它想要表达的意思不言自明,无需赘言。

    • we must arrive at the station on time in order to catch the train.

    03

    mirror-image statement

    在这种类型中,同一个意思先从正面说一遍,然后再从反面说一遍(反之亦然)。

    • we must arrive at the station on time and not be late.

    Dealing with repetition in translation

    遇到这种情况,我们应该思考以下几个问题:

    • Was the repetition intentional in the original, or did the Chinese writer merely slip unconsciously into a cliche pattern?

      到底是原文有意地重复还是作者无意识的陈词滥调?

    • If the repetition was used deliberately to provide emphasis, is there a better way to achieve that effect in English?

      如果重复是为了强调,那么在中译英的过程中是否能找到一种更好的表达方式?

    • How many times here the same construction already appeared in this piece?

      整篇文章中这种结构的句子一共出现了多少次?

    • If I use it here, will it serve to make a point, or will it just sound… well, “feeble-minded”?

      这个地方使用强调究竟是愚蠢还是有一定意义?

    寻找上述问题的答案能够帮助我们判断英文中的重复是否有用。如果判断的结果是没用,那么就有以下4种解决办法:

    1. find further (or different) meaning in the original寻找原文中更深层次的(或不同的)意思

    2. delete the redundant words删除冗余部分

    3. change the wording改变用词

    4. let the repetition stand保留重复部分

    find further (or different) meaning in the original

    01

    首先,你应该再次仔细检查中文原文。译者在翻译的过程中可能对原文中可能存在的其他含义产生了误解或是忽略了该含义。因此如果在翻译的过程中找到了这一层含义,那么就可以消除冗余。

    • this shows that all advanced means of communication and communications equipments are controlled by the people, so the difficulties if the past no longer exist

    • this shows that all advanced means of transportation and communication are controlled by the people, so the difficulties of the past no longer exist

    仔细思考一下我们不难发现“means of communication” 和“communication equipments"其实指的是同一个意思,就是传播渠道。对原文仔细研读以后发现,是译者对原文意思产生了误解,“means of communication” 和“communication equipments"实际上想说的应该是传播渠道和交通工具,因此,可以直接改写成“means of transportation and communication”.

    delete the redundant words

    02

    如果你在原文中无法找到更多的含义,那么最好的解决办法就是删除重复部分,或是用另一种表达方式进行替代。

    • He stressed that all State Council departments have an important responsibility in the struggle and said they are in a very important position.

    • He stressed that all State Council departments have an important responsibility in the struggle.

    句子想表达的意思就是国务院在奋斗中承担者重要的责任。“have an important responsibility”和“they are in a very important position”有一部分内容是重复的,后者想表达的就是国务院的重要性,而这一点已经隐含在前半句话里了。因此,把后半部分直接删掉就可以了。

    • Has the political status of the Shanghai workers undergone any change since Liberation? Yes, it has, and the change is an essential, not an insignificant one, for they have changed from members of an exploited class into members of a ruling class.

    • Has the political status of the Shanghai workers undergone any change since Liberation? Yes, it has, and the change is absolutely fundamental, because they are no longer members of an exploited class but members of a ruling class.

    解放以后,上海工人的政治地位发生变化了吗?是的,发生了变化。而且这种变化是根本上的,并不是无关紧要的。“the change is an essential, not an insignificant one”就是正面阐述变化的巨大,再从反面阐述一遍。“the change is absolutely fundamental”简洁地表达出了这一意思,有没有失去强调的意味。

    changing the wording

    03

    原则上来讲,是否删除重复部分只需要考虑如何用英文诠释出中文想要传达的意思。但是在实际操作上,不仅需要思考文本含义,还需要考虑它所面对的受众

    这是刊登在杂志上写给普罗大众看的文章,还是会被国外政府部门和企业仔细研读的官方宣言?抑或是自发的言论?来自某篇演讲的引语?

    当处理重要文件时,例如法律文件、政府发言人的正式声明,即使出现明显的无意义的重复,你也可能会觉得自己没有资格和能力对该文件进行修改。在那种情况下,可以尝试改变用词让重复不那么明显,这样以来更容易让人接受。

    • people of all the different nationalities have made enormous contributions to safeguarding the unity of the motherland and promoting stability and unity and prosperity

    • people of all the different nationalities have contributed enormously to safeguarding the unity of the motherland and promoting stability and solidarity and prosperity

    句子中出现了两次“unity”,在英文表达中,一句话、一段话甚至是整篇文章中都很不赞成出现同一个单词的重复。因此,将后面的“unity”换成了“solidarity”。

    • to maintain steady growth of the economy, we must implement a long-term policy of steady economic growth

    • to keep the economy growing we must implement a long-term policy favorable to steady economic development

    为了保持经济的稳定发展,我们必须长期实行经济稳定发展的方针政策。当中“稳定发展”出现了两次,实行经济稳定发展的政策自然是为了经济稳定发展,因此这也是一种冗余。

    letting the repetition stand

    04

    有的时候,尤其是处理正反两说的重复类型时,这个时候的重复多是出于强调,可以保留。

    • Speaking of the diverse cultures around the world, Jiang said, it is a good thing, not a bad thing, that the world is a diverse and colorful place.

    虽然这种正反两说的表达结构在文中存在争议,但是也可以反映出原文作者独具一格的思考方式和风格。

    image

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