interpersonal skills

part 1: patterns

to my knowledge, there are 3 patterns of interpersonal relationships~'love,love', 'love, hate', 'hate hate'.

我觉得人际关系可以归纳为三种模式:“我喜欢你，你也喜欢你”，“我喜欢你，但我不喜欢你”，“我不喜欢你，你也不喜欢我”。

'love, hate' is the most common pattern. almost in every romantic pursuit, source finding, head hunting, 'leg hugging', we will reach this pattern. it is not easy to woo someone who should have been living his life in a parallel way without crossing yours~when one in needs, one intrudes other people's lives which usually needs lots of effort to let them accept your interference~

“我喜欢你，但你不喜欢我”是最普遍的模式~因为大部分的浪漫，找资源，猎头，抱大腿都属于这个模式~是生活过程需要追求卓越的必经模式~贵人本来与你的人生无关，个是平行的路轨上，互不交叉~突然间，你在我不需要你的时候插进来，你就应该多花心思让我觉得你除了对我有用外，还要不能取代~

'hate,hate' is the most annoying pattern in workplace~i dont like you, and you me~but somehow we are stuck in the same firm, same school or same project~we have so different values for life and principles~

“我不喜欢你，你也不喜欢我”是最讨人厌的模式~一般就是职场出现~美其名叫做事风格不合，性格不合~说白了就是傻叉老板，绿茶婊，拜金女，凤凰男~同在一个firm里工作，被人看到不和谐又怕被人利用，闲话，针对等~导致强忍，忍到精神病，衰竭，把怨气带给家人~

'love, love' is the most adorable pattern of all~they have a chemistry naturally within a day~they just click~but the drawback is: the pattern is best maintained by absence of interest conflict like fame and resources~

“我喜欢你，你也喜欢我”是最渴求的模式~有些人就是天生就click~很合拍~像兄弟姐妹，话还没说，你已经意会到我意思~或者我们的兴趣爱好总是相似，不用比我迁就~问题是:这些人跟你都不能有利益关系~你不能跟老板，债主，房东，有这些关系~大家最怕就是“挨义气”“是不是不相信我”“不是不帮我吧”~没有了隔膜，就没有防护~自己的利益就更难保护好~

part 3: principles原则

gold standard of relationship: keep distance

人际关系的钥匙:保持距离

for ' love, hate' pattern, the friendship doesnt last long for the 'love' one tries things too hard~incessant annoucement of love, massive love input etc~people have such innate nature that they avoid stable instablility~ people pursue dynamics in a stable environment, but not too dramatic that leads to unforseeable outcomes~

当我们很合拍的时候，应该保持距离，把距离打开，不能太熟悉~尤其不能再了解对方的秘密，弱点~情侣拍的久都会倦怠，因为对对方的要求多了~当双方不平衡时，一个闹着要公开，让所有人来点评自己;自己坚持付出，还没有了解对方有多需要就已经刷爆人情卡来付出，换来的是对方不理解~人喜欢新奇的沉闷:在沉闷中人会搞一下新东西，新东西来了以后又要对方不要搞那么多动作~其实，就是人的反射就要保持器官不生锈，太久不动脑袋，太久肾上腺素不工作，就自然要试机，开动一阵子~

for 'hate,hate' pattern, tension builds between and misunderstanding is in every day basis~ when i dont like you, everything you do is annoying~it mends things better if someone can be absent for a while~

“你tm就是我的克星”，凡是我不喜欢你，你做的任何事都是错的，都是攻击我的，因为我对你有先入为出的意见~就正如，我只认识长毛的狗，所有狗都是有毛的，我看到一只被剃光毛的狗，我直接说他不是狗，他的嗷嗷只是像而已，他到处撒尿只是因为刚好尿多~唯一解决方法，就是其中一个人离开，或者脱离利益关系~

for 'love, love' pattern, things tend to rush to inretrievable end~they drive things quickly~experiencing advanced courtship without going through the basics, like getting to know about your family before marrying you~

当我想在爱情或事业上抱大腿，我就一味子提供我有的但你又不需要的东西~你根本就不需要我，但我必须跟你一起，或者取得你某些关系~我们不在平衡的位子~你不答应我，我就到处骂你。方法只有欲擒放纵~玩神秘~推拉，保持身价，不对对方的好变现的太上心~当大家真的和的来，他会来，不和的来，其实他自己的性格也在生活中被磨烂，不能怪他~本来人的一生就是复杂的~

to me, i think keeping an adequate distance from people you want to love or hate may be the golden solution~

保持距离~产生美~

just now, i received some resource from a person who i love but hates me~~ yes, i too am fallen in a ' love, hate' dilemma~ but, i kept his distance not to rush things through~ and when he didnt value the sources much, he provided~