-*-
38
在汽车上，莉拉开始数落帕斯卡莱（你成了那些人的仆人了吗？），他任由她发脾气。只有当她说够了，他才用那种政治腔调说：“南方工人的处境很糟糕，他们处于被奴役的境地，长期遭受欺压，如果没有工会的话，那他们的力量就太微弱了，所以需要创造条件，进行斗争。”他用方言痛心疾首地说：“莉娜，你担心会失去他们给你的那几里拉，你有自己的理由，詹纳罗要长大。但是，我知道你是一个真正的党员，你是一个明事理的人。在这里，我们这些工人从来都没成为工薪阶层，我们都在打黑工，不受法律保护，我们什么都不算。因此，你不能说这样的话：‘放过我，我有自己的麻烦要面对，我有自己的事情要做。’每一个人身处自己的位子，就应该做该做的事情。”
In the car she got mad at Pasquale (Have
you become the servant of those people?) and he let her vent. Only when it
seemed to him that she had come to the end of her recriminations did he start
off with his political formulas: the condition of workers in the South, the
condition of slavery in which they lived, the permanent blackmail, the
weakness if not absence of unions, the need to force situations and reach the
point of struggle. Lina, he said in dialect, his tone heartfelt, you’re
afraid of losing the few cents they give you and you’re right, Gennaro has to
grow up. But I know that you are a true comrade, I know that you understand:
here we workers have never even been within the regular wage scales, we’re
outside all the rules, we’re less than zero. So, it’s blasphemy to say: leave
me alone, I have my own problems and I want to mind my own business. Each of
us, in the place assigned to us, has to do what he can.
莉拉已经精疲力竭了，还好詹纳罗已经在车子后面的座位上睡着了，他的右手紧紧地握着那个小汽车。她听帕斯卡莱说话，并不是很专注，她时不时会想起维托利奥·埃马努埃莱大街上加利亚尼老师、阿尔曼多和伊莎贝拉的房子。她想，假如尼诺找到一个像娜迪雅这样的妻子，会是什么样的情况。马尔科现在才三岁，在认字方面，已经比她儿子厉害了。为了培养詹纳罗，她付出的努力都是白费功夫，这孩子已经荒废了，他在退步，她没有时间和精力来照顾他。他们到了楼下，她觉得自己不得不请帕斯卡莱上楼坐坐，她对帕斯卡莱说：“我不知道恩佐做了什么饭，他做饭很糟糕，也许你不会喜欢吃。”她希望他能走开，但他回答说：“我待十分钟就走。”这时候，她用指尖掠过了他的一只胳膊，小声说：
Lila was exhausted; fortunately Gennaro
was sleeping on the back seat with the little car clutched in his right hand.
Pasquale’s speech came to her in waves. Every so often the beautiful
apartment on Corso Vittorio Emanuele came into her mind, along with the
professor and Armando and Isabella and Nino, who had gone off to find a wife
somewhere of Nadia’s type, and Marco, who was three and could read much
better than her son. What a useless struggle to make Gennaro become smart.
The child was already losing, he was being pulled back and she couldn’t hold
on to him. When they reached the house and she saw that she had to invite
Pasquale in she said: I don’t know what Enzo’s made, he’s a terrible cook,
maybe you don’t feel like it, and hoped he would leave. But he answered: I’ll
stay ten minutes, then go, so she touched his arm with her fingertips and
murmured:
“你不要跟你的朋友恩佐说。”
“Don’t tell him anything.”
“不要跟他说什么？”
“Anything about what?”
“不要说法西斯的事儿。假如他知道了，今天晚上，他可能就会去找吉诺打架。”
“About the fascists. If he knows, he’ll
go and beat up Gino tonight.”
“你爱他吗？”
“Do you love him?”
“我不想伤害他。”
“I don’t want to hurt him.”
“哦。”
“Ah.”
“就是这样。”
“That’s the way it is.”
“你要知道，恩佐比你我更知道该怎么做。”
“Remember that Enzo knows better than you
and me what needs to be done.”
“是的，但你还是什么都不要告诉他。”
“Yes, but don’t say anything to him just
the same.”
帕斯卡莱皱着眉头表示同意，他把詹纳罗扛在肩上，因为孩子不愿意醒来，他走上了楼梯。莉拉跟在后面，很不高兴地嘟囔着：“这是什么日子啊！我要累死了，你和你的朋友给我惹了大麻烦了。”莉拉对恩佐说，他们去娜迪雅家，参加了一场聚会。帕斯卡莱没给恩佐提问题的机会，就和他一直聊到了半夜。帕斯卡莱说，那不勒斯，和整个世界一样，有一种新的生活在沸腾。帕斯卡莱说了阿尔曼多很多好话，他是一个很出色的医生，他没有想着自己的前途，而是免费给那些没有钱的人看病。除了很多服务于人民的计划，他和娜迪雅，还有伊莎贝拉一起，想给贫民区的儿童建立一所幼儿园，还有一家诊所。帕斯卡莱说，没人是孤立的，我们这些同志之间相互帮助，在城里有很多激动人心的时刻。帕斯卡莱说：“你们不应该一直都关在家里，你们应该出去参加活动，应该和我们在一起。”最后他宣布说，他和组织划清界限了：太多让人无法忍受的事情，还有国家内部和国际事务上的妥协，他无法忍受这种黯淡的局面。恩佐对于他的这个决定感到非常不安，他们之间的讨论非常热烈，一直在持续。莉拉很快就烦了，她把詹纳罗放在床上，吃完晚饭，她说她很困，就去睡了。
Pasquale agreed with a scowl. He picked
up Gennaro, who wouldn’t wake up, and carried him up the stairs, followed by
Lila, who was mumbling unhappily: What a day, I’m dead tired, you and your
friends have got me in huge trouble. They told Enzo that they had gone to
Nadia’s house for a meeting, and Pasquale gave him no chance to ask
questions, he talked without stopping until midnight. He said that Naples,
like the whole world, was churning with new life, he praised Armando, who,
good doctor that he was, instead of thinking of his career treated the poor
for nothing, he took care of the children in the Quartieri and with Nadia and
Isabella was involved in countless projects that served the people—a nursery
school, a clinic. He said that no one was alone any longer, comrades helped
comrades, the city was going through a wonderful time. You two, he said,
shouldn’t stay shut up here in the house, you should go out, we should be
together more. And finally he announced that he was finished with the
Communist Party: too many ugly things, too many compromises, national and
international, he couldn’t stand that dreariness anymore. Enzo was deeply
disturbed by his decision, they argued about it for a long time: the party is
the party, no, yes, no, enough with the politics of stabilization, we need to
attack the institutional structures of the system. Lila quickly became bored,
and she went to put Gennaro to bed—he was sleepy, whining as he ate his
supper—and didn’t return.
但她一直醒着，帕斯卡莱走了，恩佐的声音在家里平息下去时，她依然醒着。她测量了一下体温，三十八度。她想起了詹纳罗艰难拼读的那个时刻，“destinazione（注定）”——她让他读的是一个什么词啊！詹纳罗一定是从来没有听说过这个词。她想，光认识字母是不够的，还有其他方面的困难。假如尼诺和娜迪雅结婚了，那这个孩子会有完全不同的命运。她想，这孩子是我想生的，她不想和斯特凡诺生孩子，但她愿意和尼诺生。她觉得自己是一个错误百出的母亲。她真的爱过尼诺，她非常渴望得到他，希望取悦于他，为了他，她情愿做一些她不愿意为她丈夫做的事情。每次，她不得不和丈夫做时，她都要抑制自己恶心的感觉，她只是不想被杀了。但是，说到被进入的快感，那是她从来都没有感受到的，这一点是可以肯定的，她不仅仅和斯特凡诺在一起没有感觉，和尼诺在一起也没有。男人都很在意阴茎，他们对于自己的阴茎非常自豪，他们很确信，你会比他们更加在意。詹纳罗一直在摆弄他的那玩意儿，有时候看到他把小鸡鸡拿在手里，翻来覆去地摆弄，或者拽它，她都觉得很尴尬。甚至是给詹纳罗洗澡，让他撒尿时，莉拉都害怕会伤害到它，她都会强迫自己习惯。恩佐一直也很谨慎，从来都不会穿着内裤在家里走动，从来都不会说粗鲁的话。这就是她对他会越来越动情的原因，恩佐在另一个房间里忠诚的等待，他从来都没有贸然采取行动，这让她很感激。他对于自己的控制能力，对于她来说是一种安慰。但她有时候会有一种歉意：给她带来安慰的事情，对于他来说是一种痛苦。想到恩佐为了她受的罪，那一天所有糟糕的事情加在一起，那些话、声音、语气、单个的词语，还有发生的事情在她的脑海里不断浮现，压迫着她。明天在工厂里，她应该怎么表现呢？现在那不勒斯，还有全世界都处于动荡之中，这是真的吗？要么这些事儿就是帕斯卡莱、娜迪雅，还有阿尔曼多想象出来了，来给自己打气，来化解他们的不安和厌烦？她应不应该冒着异想天开的风险，相信这些人？或者她最好去找布鲁诺，摆脱现在的麻烦？但是，要让他不再生她的气，这有用吗？风险是他会不会想睡她。对菲利普以及其他小头目低头弯腰，这有用吗？这不会有太大用处。最后，在半睡半醒之间，她采用了我们小时候都一直用的原则。她觉得，为了拯救自己还有詹纳罗，就要威胁那些威胁到她的人，让那些吓唬她的人害怕。在睡着之前，她决心要进行破坏，要让娜迪雅看到，她只是一个有钱人家的小姑娘，只会说一些没用的好话；对于索卡沃，她要让他失去在风干室品鉴香肠和女人的乐趣。
But she stayed awake even when Pasquale
left and the evidence of Enzo’s presence in the house had been extinguished.
She took her temperature, it was 100. She recalled the moment when Gennaro
had struggled to read. What sort of word had she put in front of him:
destination. Certainly it was a word that Gennaro had never heard. It’s not
enough to know the alphabet, she thought, there are so many difficulties. If
Nino had had him with Nadia, that child would have had a completely different
destiny. She felt she was the wrong mother. And yet I wanted him, she
thought, it was with Stefano that I didn’t want children, with Nino yes. She
had truly loved Nino. She had desired him deeply, she had desired to please
him and for his pleasure had done willingly everything that with her husband
she had had to do by force, overcoming disgust, in order not to be killed.
But she had never felt what it was said she was supposed to feel when she was
penetrated, that she was sure of, and not only with Stefano but also with
Nino. Males were so attached to their penis, they were so proud of it, and
they were convinced that you should be even more attached to it than they
were. Even Gennaro was always playing with his; sometimes it was embarrassing
how much he jiggled it in his hands, how much he pulled it. Lila was afraid
he would hurt himself; and even to wash it, or get him to pee, she had had to
make an effort, get used to it. Enzo was so discreet, never in his underwear
in the house, never a vulgar word. For that reason she felt an intense
affection for him, and was grateful to him for his devoted wait in the other
room, which had never been interrupted by a wrong move. The control he
exercised over things and himself seemed to her the only consolation. But
then a sense of guilt emerged: what consoled her surely made him suffer. And
the thought that Enzo was suffering because of her was added to all the
terrible things of that day. Events and conversations whirled chaotically in
her head for a long time. Tones of voice, single words. How should she act
the next day in the factory? Was there really all that fervor in Naples and
the world, or were Pasquale and Nadia and Armando imagining it to allay their
anxieties, out of boredom, to give themselves courage? Should she trust them,
with the risk of becoming captive to fantasies? Or was it better to look for
Bruno again to get her out of trouble? But would it really be any use trying
to placate him, with the risk that he might jump on her again? Would it help
to give in to the abuses of Filippo and the supervisors? She didn’t make much
progress. In the end, in a waking sleep, she landed on an old principle that
we two had assimilated since we were little. It seemed to her that to save
herself, to save Gennaro, she had to intimidate those who wished to
intimidate her, she had to inspire fear in those who wished to make her fear.
She fell asleep with the intention of doing harm, to Nadia by showing her
that she was just a girl from a good family, all sugary chatter, to Soccavo
by ruining the pleasure he got in sniffing salamis and women in the drying
room.
-*-
39
她是在早上五点醒的，她浑身都是汗，烧已经退了。在工厂大门那儿，已经看不到那些学生了，但法西斯分子还在那里。同样的汽车，还有前一天那些面孔：他们在喊口号，分发传单。莉拉感觉又要有暴力冲突，她的手放在手袋里，低着头向前走去，她希望在他们动手之前，进到工厂里，但这时候吉诺挡住了她的去路。
She woke at five in the morning, in a
sweat; she no longer had a fever. At the factory gate she found not the
students but the fascists. Same automobiles, same faces as the day before:
they were shouting slogans, handing out leaflets. Lila felt that more
violence was planned and she walked with her head down, hands in pockets,
hoping to get into the factory before the fighting started. But Gino appeared
in front of her.
“你还认字吧？”他用方言问莉拉，同时递过来了一张传单。这时候，她的手还在大衣口袋里，回答说：
“You still know how to read?” he asked in
dialect, holding out a leaflet. Keeping her hands in her pockets, she
replied:
“我当然认字了，倒是你，你什么时候认过字？”
“I do, yes, but when did you learn?”
她尝试越过他，但没有用。吉诺挡住了她，他把一张传单强行塞到了她的口袋里，他用的力气那么大，指甲都把她的手划破了。莉拉不慌不忙地把那张传单揉成一团。
Then she tried to go by, in vain. Gino
obstructed her, he jammed the leaflet into her pocket with a gesture so
violent that he scratched her hand with his nail. Lila crumpled it up calmly.
“用来擦屁股，我还嫌硬。”她说完就把传单扔了。
“It’s not even good for wiping your ass,”
she said and threw it away.
“捡起来，”药剂师的儿子抓住了她的一条胳膊，命令她说，“马上捡起来。你小心点，昨天下午，我问你那戴绿帽子的丈夫，我能不能打破你的脸，我得到了他的许可。”
“Pick it up,” the pharmacist’s son
ordered her, grabbing her by the arm. “Pick it up now and you listen to me:
yesterday afternoon I asked that cuckold your husband for permission to beat
you up and he said yes.”
莉拉盯着他的眼睛，说：
Lila looked him straight in the eye:
“为了要打破我的脸，你去征得我丈夫的同意？马上放开我，你这个混蛋。”
“You went to ask my husband for
permission to beat me up? Let go of my arm right now, you shit.”
这时候艾多走过来了，她觉得他会若无其事地走过，但他停了下来。
At that moment Edo arrived, and instead
of pretending not to notice, as was to be expected, he stopped.
“他在欺负你吗，赛鲁？”
“Is he bothering you, Cerù?”
一眨眼，吉诺一拳就打在了艾多的脸上，艾多被打倒在地。莉拉的心一下子跳到了嗓子眼了，一切都在加速，她从地上捡起了一块石头，狠狠地砸在了药剂师儿子的胸口上，这是非常漫长的一刻。吉诺推了她一把，把她推到了一根电线杆子上。艾多想要站起来，这时候土路上来了另一辆汽车，掀起了一阵尘土，莉拉一下就人出来，那是帕斯卡莱那辆破车。莉拉想，阿尔曼多听从了我的建议，也许娜迪雅也是，他们都是有教养的人，但帕斯卡莱没能忍住，他来了，他要来作战。就在这时候，那辆车子的车门打开了，下来了五个人，包括帕斯卡莱在内。他们都是工地上的人，拳头很硬，他们开始用一种很残酷的手法，揍那些法西斯分子，毫不手软，拳头又准又狠，一下就把他们打倒在地。莉拉马上就发现，帕斯卡莱是冲着吉诺来的。这时候，她距离吉诺只有几步之遥，她用两只手抓住他的胳膊，笑着对他说：“也许你最好赶紧走，要不然会被他们打死的。”但吉诺没有走，他一把推开了莉拉，然后向帕斯卡莱冲了过去。莉拉帮着艾多站了起来，要把他拉到院子里，但很难，他身上在流血，他身体很重，而且在挣扎，还一边在破口大骂，后来，他看到帕斯卡莱用一根棍子把吉诺打倒在地，才稍微平静下来。当时情况很乱：他们在路边捡起了杂物相互扔，相互唾骂。帕斯卡莱放开了半死不活的吉诺，然后跟另一个上身只穿着一件毛背心，下面穿着一条沾着泥灰的蓝裤子的男人，朝院子走来。他们俩都用棒子猛击菲利普的岗亭，菲利普把自己关在里面，吓得要死。在玻璃碎裂的声音和叫骂声当中，传来了警察在路上赶来的警笛声。莉拉感受到暴力带来的那种让人不安的快感。她想，是的，对于那些吓唬你的人，你要让他们害怕，没有别的办法，要以牙还牙，你从我这里拿去的，我要拿回来，你对我所做的，我也会一样还给你。当帕斯卡莱和他的那些人手上了车，那些法西斯把吉诺抬上车子，警笛声越来越近了，她却感到一阵恐惧，因为她的心绷得太紧了，就像玩具里拉得太紧的一根弹簧，她要马上找个地方坐下来。一进到工厂里，她就一下瘫倒在门厅里，背靠着墙壁，想平静一下。这时候，特蕾莎——一个四十多岁的胖大女人，她在剔骨间工作，过来照顾艾多，帮他擦了脸上的血。她开莉拉的玩笑：
It was an instant. Gino punched him in
the face, Edo ended up on the ground. Lila’s heart jumped to her throat, and
everything began to speed up. She picked up a rock and gripping it solidly
struck the pharmacist’s son right in the chest. There was a long moment.
While Gino shoved her back against a light pole, while Edo tried to get up,
another car appeared on the unpaved road, raising dust. Lila recognized
Pasquale’s broken-*-brought-up people, but Pasquale couldn’t resist, he’s
coming to make war. In fact the doors opened, and five men got out, including
him. They were men from the construction sites, carrying knotty clubs, and
they began hitting the fascists with a methodical ferocity; they didn’t get
angry, they planted a single, precise blow intended to knock down the
adversary. Lila immediately saw that Pasquale was heading toward Gino, and
since Gino was still a few steps away from her she grabbed one of his arms
with both hands and said, laughing: You’d better go or they’ll kill you. But
he didn’t go; rather, he pushed her away again and rushed at Pasquale. Lila
helped Edo get up, and tried to drag him into the courtyard, but it was
difficult; he was heavy, and he was writhing, shouting insults, bleeding. He
calmed down a little only when he saw Pasquale hit Gino with his stick and
knock him to the ground. The confusion increased: debris the men picked up
along the side of the street flew like bullets, men were spitting and
screaming insults. Pasquale, leaving Gino unconscious, had rushed into the
courtyard, with a man wearing only an undershirt and loose blue pants
streaked with cement. Both were now bludgeoning Filippo’s booth; he was
locked inside, terrorized. Shouting obscenities, they smashed the windows,
while the wail of a police siren grew louder. Lila noticed yet again the
anxious pleasure of violence. Yes, she thought, you have to strike fear into
those who wish to strike fear into you, there is no other way, blow for blow,
what you take from me I take back, what you do to me I do to you. But while
Pasquale and his people were getting back in the car, while the fascists did
the same, carrying off Gino bodily, while the police siren got closer, she
felt, terrified, that her heart was becoming like the too tightly wound
spring of a toy, and she knew that she had to find a place to sit down as
soon as possible. Once she was inside, she collapsed in the hallway, her back
against the wall, and tried to calm down. Teresa, the large woman in her
forties who worked in the gutting room, was looking after Edo, wiping the
blood off his face, and she teased Lila.
“以前你要把他耳朵撕下来，现在你还帮这家伙？你应该把他丢在外面。”
“First you pull off his ear, then you
help him? You should have left him outside.”
“他帮了我，我帮了他。”
“He helped me and I helped him.”
特蕾莎用难以置信的目光看着艾多：
Teresa turned to Edo, incredulous:
“你帮了她？”
“You helped her?”
他嘟哝了一句：
He stammered:
“让一个外人打破她的脸，我可不愿意，我要亲自动手。”
“I didn’t like to see a stranger beating
her up, I want to do it myself.”
那女人说：
The woman said:
“菲利普吓尿了，你们看到了吧？”
“Did you see how Filippo shat himself?”
“他活该，”艾多嘟囔了一句，“他们只是打破了那个岗亭，真是遗憾。”
“Serves him right,” Edo muttered, “too
bad all they broke was the booth.”
特蕾莎对着莉拉，有些不怀好意地问：
Teresa turned to Lila and asked her, with
a hint of malice:
“那些人是你叫来的吧？你就说实话吧。”
“Did you call the Communists? Tell the
truth.”
她只是开玩笑，或者她是一个探子，过一会儿就去老板那儿告密？莉拉想。
Is she joking, Lila wondered, or is she a
spy, who’ll go running to the owner.
“我没有叫，”她回答说，“但我知道，那些法西斯是谁叫来的。”
“No,” she answered, “but I know who
called the fascists.”
“谁？”
“Who?”
“索卡沃。”
“Soccavo.”
-*-
40
帕斯卡莱当晚就出现了。那是在晚饭之后，他脸色阴沉，让恩佐去参加在圣约翰·特杜奇奥举行的一个支部会议。莉拉和他单独在一起的几分钟里，她对帕斯卡莱说：
Pasquale appeared that evening, after
dinner, with a grim expression, and invited Enzo to a meeting at the San
Giovanni a Teduccio section. Lila, alone with him for a few minutes, said:
“今天早上，你干了一件好事儿啊！”
“That was a shitty thing to do, this
morning.”
“我做一些需要做的事情。”
“I do what’s necessary.”
“你的那些朋友同意吗？”
“Did your friends agree with you?”
“谁是我的朋友？”
“Who are my friends?”
“娜迪雅和她哥哥。”
“Nadia and her brother.”
“他们当然同意了。”
“Of course they agreed.”
“那他们都待在家里？”
“But they stayed home.”
帕斯卡莱嘟囔了一句：
Pasquale muttered:
“谁说他们都待在家里了？”
“And who says they stayed home?”
他心情不好，看起来有些无精打采，就好像那场斗殴，耗光了他的劲头。他没有让莉拉去参加那场会议，只邀请了恩佐，这是从来没有过的事。那天天气很冷，也很晚了，她带着詹纳罗出去也不大可能。可能他们要去打架，做那些男人做的事情。也许他生气了，因为她拒绝进行斗争，让他在娜迪雅和阿尔曼多面前没面子。当然，让他最不舒服的，是她用那种批判的语气谈到了早上的行动。他很确信，莉拉没明白他为什么要那么打吉诺，他为什么想要打破门卫的脑袋。男人都觉得，他们的每一项伟业，无论好坏，你都应该对他们崇拜万分，就像面对建立丰功伟绩、杀死恶龙的圣乔治。莉拉想，他一定觉得我没良心，他不让我去开会，是为了报复我，他希望我至少要对他说声谢谢。
He wasn’t in a good mood, in fact he
seemed emptied of energy, as if the practice of violence had swallowed up his
craving for action. Further, he hadn’t asked her to go to the meeting, he had
invited only Enzo, something that never happened, even when it was late, and
cold, and unlikely that she would take Gennaro out. Maybe they had other male
wars to fight. Maybe he was angry with her because, with her resistance to
the struggle, she had caused him to look bad in front of Nadia and Armando.
Certainly he was bothered by the critical tone she had used in alluding to
the morning’s expedition. He’s convinced, Lila thought, that I don’t
understand why he hit Gino like that, why he wanted to beat up the guard.
Good or bad, all men believe that after every one of their undertakings you
have to put them on an altar as if they were St. George slaying the dragon.
He considers me ungrateful, he did it to avenge me, he would like me to at
least say thank you.
他们俩出去后，她一直在埋头读着帕斯卡莱之前给她的那些小册子，都是关于工会的工作。这有助于她面对黯淡的现实，她害怕家里的寂静、失控的心跳，还有那些随时都会破裂的形状。尽管她很疲惫，但她读了很多材料，和往常一样，她对所读的内容产生了狂热，她很快学会了很多东西。为了有一种安全感，她一直在等恩佐回来，但他一直都没有回来，詹纳罗均匀的呼吸声，对她起到了催眠作用，她也睡了过去。
When the two left, she got in bed and
read the pamphlets on work and unions that Pasquale had given her long ago.
They helped to keep her anchored to the dull things of every day, she was
afraid of the silence of the house, of sleep, of her unruly heartbeats, of
the shapes that threatened to break apart at any moment. In spite of her
weariness, she read for a long time, and in her usual way became excited, and
learned a lot of things quickly. To feel safe, she made an effort to wait for
Enzo to return. But he didn’t, and finally the sound of Gennaro’s regular
breathing became hypnotic and she fell asleep.
第二天早上，艾多和那个剔骨室的女人特蕾莎开始在她周围晃荡，都有些羞怯地对她示好，莉拉非但没有排斥他们，反倒对他们很友好，她对其他工友也变得很友好。她愿意聆听那些人的抱怨，她理解那些愤怒的人，她支持那些反对欺压的人，也能说些好话，协调那些不和的人，让大家团结起来。尤其是，在接下来的几天里，她一直都很关注艾多和特蕾莎，还有他们的小团体，午休时间成了他们秘密会议的时间。如果她愿意，她会让人感觉：不是她在提出观点，或者进行反对，而是其他人在提出自己的想法。他们周围聚起来的人越来越多，他们都很高兴对别人说一些怨言，其实都是一些合理而迫切的需求。她把剔骨区、冷藏区还有水池区的那些要求汇总起来，她自己也意外地发现：一个工作区的问题是另一个区的问题造成的，所有问题环环相扣，都是对工人的压榨链条。她做了一个详细的单子，都是工作环境导致了对工人的手、骨头和支气管的损害。她收集了足够的信息，展示出整个工厂的状况非常糟糕，卫生环境就不用提了，有时候，他们加工的是变质的、来源不明的原料。她和帕斯卡莱再见面时，她对他讲了自己在很短的时间里做的工作。他开始很冷淡，后来态度大变，惊异地张大了嘴巴。他兴高采烈地说：“我都敢打赌，你一定能做到。”他替她约了和一个叫卡波尼的人会谈，这个人是劳动部的总书记。
The next morning Edo and the woman from
the gutting room, Teresa, began to hang around her with timid, friendly words
and gestures. And Lila not only didn’t rebuff them but treated the other
workers courteously as well. She showed herself available to those who were
complaining, understanding to those who were angry, sympathetic toward those
who cursed the abuses. She steered the trouble of one toward the trouble of
another, joining all together with eloquent words. Above all, in the
following days, she let Edo and Teresa and their tiny group talk,
transforming the lunch break into a time for secret meeting. Since she could,
when she wanted, give the impression that it wasn’t she who was proposing and
disposing but the others, she found more and more people happy to hear
themselves say that their general complaints were just and urgent
necessities. She added the claims of the gutting room to those of the
refrigerated rooms, and those of the vats, and discovered to her surprise
that the troubles of one department depended on the troubles of another, and
that all together were links in the same chain of exploitation. She made a
detailed list of the illnesses caused by the working conditions: damage to
the hands, the bones, the lungs. She gathered enough information to
demonstrate that the entire factory was in terrible shape, that the hygienic
conditions were deplorable, that the raw material they handled was sometimes
spoiled or of uncertain origin. When she was able to talk to Pasquale in
private she explained to him what in a very short time she had started up,
and he, in his peevish way, was astonished, then said beaming: I would have
sworn that you would do it, and he set up an appointment with a man named
Capone, who was secretary of the union local.
莉拉把她整理的东西用很漂亮的书法抄了一遍，然后带着这些东西去见了卡波尼。卡波尼看到她的资料后，也非常激动，对她说了类似这样的话：“同志，你从哪儿冒出来的？你做得太好了，太棒了！然后他说：我们从来都没能打入索卡沃的厂子里去，那里面全是法西斯分子，但现在你在里面，事情会发生变化。”
Lila copied down on paper in her fine
handwriting everything she had done and brought the copy to Capone. The
secretary examined the pages, and he, too, was enthusiastic. He said to her
things like: Where did you come from, Comrade, you’ve done really great work,
bravo. And besides, we’ve never managed to get into the Soccavo plant;
they’re all fascists in there, but now that you’ve arrived things have
changed.
“那我们现在该怎么做？”她问。
“How should we start?” she asked.
“你们现在要成立一个委员会。”
“Form a committee.”
“我们现在已经是一个委员会了。”
“We already are a committee.”
“很好。首先，你们要整理一下这些东西。”
“Good: the first thing is to organize all
this.”
“我们应该怎么整理？”
“In what sense organize?”
卡波尼看着帕斯卡莱，帕斯卡莱什么也没说。
Capone looked at Pasquale, Pasquale said
nothing.
“你们一次性提出的要求太多了，还有一些其他地方从来没要求过的东西，你们需要把那些最要紧的提出来。”
“You’re asking for too many things at
once, including things that have never been asked for anywhere—you have to
establish priorities.”
“在那里面，一切都很要紧。”
“In that place everything is a priority.”
“我知道，但这是一个策略的问题。假如你们马上要求满足所有要求，那可能会导致失败。”
“I know, but it’s a question of tactics:
if you want everything at once you risk defeat.”
莉拉的眼睛眯成了一条缝，他们就这个问题争执了一下。最后冒出来一个问题，就是委员会不能直接和老板交涉，而是要通过工会。
Lila narrowed her eyes to cracks; there
was some bickering. It emerged that, among other things, the committee
couldn’t go and negotiate directly with the owner, the union had to mediate.
“我难道不是工会成员吗？”她马上站起来说。
“And am I not the union?” she flared up.
“当然是了，但需要时间和方法。”
“Of course, but there are times and
ways.”
他们又开始争执。卡波尼说：“你们可以商量一下，比如说从轮班开始讨论，或者节日、加班，然后慢慢向前推进。”他总结说：“总之，你不知道，看到你这样的同志，我有多高兴。那些积极参与的女性很少，这是一件可贵的事情，我们一起协作，会在食品领域迈出大步子。”这时候，他把手伸向了钱包，他的钱包放在裤子后面的口袋里，他问：
They quarreled again. Capone said: You
look around a little, open the discussion, I don’t know, about the shifts,
about holidays, about overtime, and we’ll take it from there. Anyway—he
concluded—you don’t know how happy I am to have a comrade like you, it’s a
rare thing; let’s coordinate, and we’ll make great strides in the food
industry—there aren’t many women who get involved. At that point he put his
hand on his wallet, which was in his back pocket, and asked:
“你需要一些钱开支吗？”
“Do you want some money for expenses?”
“什么开支？”
“What expenses?”
“油印资料、纸张、你花费的时间等等。”
“Mimeographing, paper, the time you lose,
things like that.”
“不用。”
“No.”
卡波尼又把钱包放回了口袋。
Capone put the wallet back in his pocket.
“但你不要泄气，不要消失不见了，莉娜，我们要保持联系。我记下你的姓名，我要在工会上说一下你的事情，我们应该把你利用起来。”
“But don’t get discouraged and disappear,
Lina, let’s keep in touch. Look, I’m writing down here your name and surname,
I want to talk about you at the union, we have to use you.”
莉拉离开时很不悦，她对帕斯卡莱说：“你带我见的这是什么人啊？”帕斯卡莱让莉拉放心，他保证说，卡波尼是一个非常好的人。他说：“卡波尼说得有道理，我们需要明白，做任何事情都需要策略和手段。”然后他变得非常热情，几乎有些感动，想要拥抱她，但又迟疑了一下。他说：“你要大胆向前走，莉娜，我们才不管什么手续，我要先在大会上说说这事儿。”
Lila left dissatisfied, she said to
Pasquale: Who did you bring me to? But he calmed her, assured her that Capone
was an excellent person, said he was right, you had to understand, there was
strategy and there were tactics. Then he became excited, almost moved, he was
about to embrace her, had second thoughts, said: Move ahead, Lina, screw the
bureaucracy, meanwhile I’ll inform the committee.
莉拉没有对那些请求进行筛选，她只是把原来的资料的篇幅缩短了一下，最后她密密地写满了一张纸，交给了艾多。上面是一系列的要求：关于工作的协调和节奏，整个工厂的整体状况，产品质量，员工健康受到的威胁，时时有受伤的危险，还有少得可怜的津贴，以及加工资的要求。这时候出现了一个问题，就是派谁把这个单子交给布鲁诺。
Lila didn’t choose among the objectives.
She confined herself to compressing the first draft, which was very long,
into one densely written sheet, which she handed over to Edo: a list of
requests that had to do with the organization of the work, the pace, the
general condition of the factory, the quality of the product, the permanent
risk of being injured or sick, the wretched compensations, wage increases. At
that point the problem arose of who was to carry that list to Bruno.
“你去吧。”莉拉对艾多说。
“You go,” Lila said to Edo.
“我太容易发火了。”
“I get angry easily.”
“这样更好。”
“Better.”
“我不适合。”
“I’m not suitable.”
“你太适合了。”
“You’re very suitable.”
“不，还是你去吧，你参加了工会，而且你会说，你能很快把事情说清楚。”
“No, you go, you’re a member of the
union. And then you’re a good speaker, you’ll put him in his place right
away.”
-*-
41
莉拉从开始就知道，这件事会落在她头上，她在争取时间。她把詹纳罗托付给邻居，和帕斯卡莱去参加了一场在法院路上举行的会议，那次会议主要就是讨论索卡沃工厂的事情。参会的一共有十二个人，包括娜迪雅、阿尔曼多、伊莎贝拉和帕斯卡莱。莉拉让大家看了她给卡波尼准备的那个文件，就是那个比较详细的第一版。娜迪雅很仔细地看了看，最后她说：“帕斯卡莱说得对，你是从不会后退的，你在很短的时间里做了很多的工作。”然后她用一种很诚恳、带着欣赏的语气，赞美了文件里提到的政治和工会工作的内容，还赞美了莉拉的文笔。她说：“你真是太厉害了，用这种方式来写这些材料，真是让人耳目一新！虽然如此，我还是不建议您马上去和索卡沃直接交涉。”阿尔曼多也是持有同样的观点。
Lila had known from the start that it
would be up to her. She took her time; she left Gennaro at the neighbor’s,
and went with Pasquale to a meeting of the committee on Via dei Tribunali,
called to discuss also the Soccavo situation. There were twelve this time,
including Nadia, Armando, Isabella, and Pasquale. Lila circulated the paper
she had prepared for Capone; in that first version all the demands were more
carefully argued. Nadia read it attentively. In the end she said: Pasquale
was right, you’re one of those people who don’t hold anything back, you’ve
done a great job in a very short time. And in a tone of sincere admiration
she praised not only the political and union substance of the document but
the writing: You’re so clever, she said, I’ve never seen this kind of
material written about in this way! Still, after that beginning, she advised
her not to move to an immediate confrontation with Soccavo. And Armando was
of the same opinion.
“我们要等着力量再增强一点，”他说，“要等索卡沃工厂里的时机更加成熟一点儿。我们已经迈出了非常重要的一步，我们不能轻举妄动，前功尽弃。”
“Let’s wait to get stronger and grow,” he
said. “The situation concerning the Soccavo factory needs to develop. We’ve
got a foot in there, which is already a great result, we can’t risk getting
swept away out of pure recklessness.”
达里奥问：
Dario asked:
“你们有什么建议？”
“What do you propose?”
娜迪雅回答说，但她是对着莉拉说的：
Nadia answered, addressing Lila:
“我们要再开一次会议，邀请更多人参与，我们要尽快和你的那些工友见面，要加强你们的组织，我们可以先用你的这些材料，再做一个宣传册。”
“Let’s have a wider meeting. Let’s meet as soon as possible with your comrades, let’s consolidate your structure, and maybe with your material prepare another pamphlet.”
面对他们忽然表现出的这种谨慎态度，莉拉感到一种巨大的满足。她开玩笑说：
Lila, in the face of that sudden cautiousness, felt a great, aggressive satisfaction. She said mockingly:
“你们觉得，我费了那么大劲儿，冒着失业的危险，就是为了让你们再开一场大会，再做一个宣传册？”
“So in your view I’ve done this work and
am putting my job at risk to allow all of you to have a bigger meeting and
another pamphlet?”
但她没能享受到占了上风的那种喜悦，忽然间，她看到娜迪雅像一面没有固定好的玻璃一样，开始颤抖，粉碎。没有一个具体的诱因，莉拉觉得喘不过气来，她看到在场的每个人的任何一个小动作都在加速，包括皱眉头。她闭上了眼睛，肩膀靠着身下那把嘎吱作响的椅子的靠背，她感觉自己要窒息了。
But she was unable to enjoy that feeling
of revenge. Suddenly Nadia, who was right opposite her, began to vibrate like
a window loose in its frame, and dissolved. For no evident reason, Lila’s
throat tightened, and the slightest gestures of those present, even a blink,
accelerated. She closed her eyes, leaned against the back of the broken chair
she was sitting on, felt she was suffocating.
“你怎么了？”阿尔曼多问。
“Is something wrong?” asked Armando.
帕斯卡莱很不安。
Pasquale became upset.
“她太累了，”他说，“莉娜，你怎么啦？你要喝一杯水吗？”
“She gets overtired,” he said. “Lina,
what’s wrong, do you want a glass of water?”
达里奥跑去给她端水，阿尔曼多给她诊脉，帕斯卡莱非常担心，不停地问她：
Dario hurried to get some water, while
Armando checked her pulse and Pasquale, nervous, pressed her:
“你感觉怎么样了，伸开腿，呼吸。”
“What do you feel, stretch your legs,
breathe.”
莉拉低声说，她很好。她猛地把胳膊从阿尔曼多的手中抽了出来，她说她只想安静一分钟。达里奥把水端来了，她喝了一小口。她小声说，没事儿，她只是有些感冒。
Lila whispered that she was fine and
abruptly pulled her wrist away from Armando, saying she wanted to be left in
peace for a minute. But when Dario returned with the water she drank a small
mouthful, murmured it was nothing, just a little flu.
“你发烧吗？”阿尔曼多很平静地问她。
“Do you have a fever?” Armando asked
calmly.
“今天没有。”
“Today, no.”
“你咳嗽，呼吸困难吗？”
“Cough, difficulty breathing?”
“有一点，我觉得心跳都到嗓子眼儿了。”
“A little, I can feel my heart beating in
my throat.”
“现在好一点儿了吗？”
“Is it a little better now?”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“你到另一间房间里来一下吧。”
“Come into the other room.”
莉拉不想去，但她很担心，她最后听从了阿尔曼多的建议，很艰难地站了起来，跟着阿尔曼多进了另一个房间。阿尔曼多拿着一个黑色皮包，包上面有镀金带扣。他们来到一间莉拉从来都没有见过的房间，空间很大，也很冷，里面有三张行军床，上面的垫子看起来脏兮兮的，房间里还有一个衣柜、一面破镜子和一个抽屉柜。她无力地坐在一张床上，自从生了孩子之后，她从来都没有看过医生。阿尔曼多问她有哪些症状，她什么都没说，只说胸闷，最后补充了一句：“没什么事儿。”
Lila didn’t want to, and yet she felt a
vast sense of anguish. She obeyed, she struggled to get up, she followed
Armando, who had picked up a black leather bag with gold clasps. They went
into a large, cold room that Lila hadn’t seen before, with three cots covered
by dirty-looking old mattresses, a wardrobe with a corroded mirror, a chest
of drawers. She sat down on one of the beds, exhausted: she hadn’t had a
medical examination since she was pregnant. When Armando asked about her
symptoms, she mentioned only the weight in her chest, but added: It’s
nothing.
阿尔曼多默默给她检查，她痛恨他的沉默，她觉得那是一种阴险的沉默。那个干干净净、冷漠的男人问你问题，但好像根本不相信你的回答。他利用自己的知识和工具，通过检查就来证实那些问题，好像你的身体最可靠，可以给他提供答案。他用听诊器听她的心跳，用手把脉，他用目光审视她，但没有马上说她的胸、肚子和喉咙发生了什么事，这些都是表面上很熟悉的器官，但这时候她感觉一切都很陌生。最后，阿尔曼多问她：
He examined her in silence and she
immediately hated that silence, it seemed a treacherous silence. That
detached, clean man, although he was asking questions, did not seem to trust
the answers. He examined her as if only her body, aided by instruments and
expertise, were a reliable mechanism. He listened to her chest, he touched
her, he peered at her, and meanwhile he forced her to wait for a conclusive
opinion on what was happening in her chest, in her stomach, in her throat,
places apparently well known that now seemed completely unknown. Finally
Armando asked her:
“你睡得好吗？”
“Do you sleep well?”
“很好。”
“Very well.”
“睡多长时间？”
“How much?”
“不一定。”
“It depends.”
“怎么不一定？”
“On what?”
“看有什么心事了。”
“On my thoughts.”
“吃饭怎么样？”
“Do you eat enough?”
“想吃的时候就吃。”
“When I feel like it.”
“你有没有呼吸困难的时候？”
“Do you ever have difficulty breathing?”
“没有。”
“No.”
“胸口疼吗？”
“Pain in your chest?”
“胸口有点闷，但不严重。”
“A weight, but light.”
“出冷汗吗？”
“Cold sweats?”
“没有。”
“No.”
“你有没有晕过去，或者快要晕过去的时候？”
“Have you ever fainted or felt like
fainting?”
“没有。”
“No.”
“你规律吗？”
“Are you regular?”
“什么？”
“In what?”
“月经。”
“Menstruation.”
“不规律。”
“No.”
“上次是什么时候？”
“When did you last have a period?”
“我不知道。”
“I don’t know.”
“你不记日子吗？”
“You don’t keep track?”
“需要记吗？”
“Should I keep track?”
“最好要记下来。你用避孕措施吗？”
“It’s better. Do you use contraceptives?”
“什么意思。”
“What do you mean?”
“避孕套、避孕环，还有药。”
“Condoms, coil, the Pill.”
“什么药？”
“What Pill?”
“是一种新药，吃了就不会怀孕。”
“A new medicine: you take it and you
can’t get pregnant.”
“真的吗？”
“Is that true?”
“绝对是真的。你丈夫从来都不用避孕套吗？”
“Absolutely true. Your husband has never
used a condom?”
“我没有丈夫了。”
“I don’t have a husband anymore.”
“他离开你了？”
“He left you?”
“我离开他了。”
“I left him.”
“你们在一起的时候，他用吗？”
“When you were together did he use one?”
“我连避孕套是什么样子都不知道。”
“I don’t even know how a condom is made.”
“你性生活规律吗？”
“Do you have a regular sex life?”
“谈论这些事情有什么用吗？”
“What’s the use of talking about these
things?”
“假如你不愿意，我们就不说了。”
“If you don’t want to we won’t.”
“我不愿意。”
“I don’t want to.”
阿尔曼多把他的那些工具放在了包里，他坐在一张凹陷进去的凳子上，喘了一口气。
Armando put his instruments back in the
case, sat down on a half-broken chair, sighed.
“你要悠着点，莉娜，你太不关心自己的身体了。”
“You should slow down, Lina: you’ve
pushed your body too far.”
“什么意思？”
“What does that mean?”
“你营养不良，健康受损，你太忽视自己的身体了。”
“You’re undernourished, anxious, you’ve
seriously neglected yourself.”
“还有呢？”
“And so?”
“你有些痰，我给你开一些糖浆。”
“You have a little catarrh, I’ll give you
a syrup.”
“然后呢？”
“And so?”
“你应该做一系列检查，你的肝有些肿大。”
“You should have a series of tests, your
liver is a little enlarged.”
“我没时间去做检查，你给我开点药吧。”
“I don’t have time for tests, give me
some medicine.”
阿尔曼多很不高兴地摇摇头。
Armando shook his head discontentedly.
“你听我说，”他说，“我跟你最好还是不要绕圈子：你有杂音。”
“Listen,” he said. “I understand that
with you it’s better not to beat around the bush: you have a murmur.”
“什么？”
“What’s that?”
“是心脏的问题，可能不是什么好征兆。”
“A problem with the heart, and it could
be something that’s not benign.”
莉拉脸上的表情很不安。
Lila made a grimace of anxiety.
“什么意思，我要死了吗？”
“What do you mean? I might die?”
他微笑了一下，说：
He smiled and said:
“不会。你应该去找一个心脏病科医生，检查一下，你明天来医院找我，我给你介绍一个很厉害的医生。”
“No, only you should get checked by a
cardiologist. Come see me in the hospital tomorrow, and I’ll send you to
someone good.”
莉拉的眉头皱了起来，她冷冰冰地说：
Lila furrowed her brow, got up, said coldly:
“我明天有事儿，我要去找索卡沃。”
“I have a lot to do tomorrow, I’m going
to see Soccavo.”
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