-*-
89
她不想再跟我说别的，很生气地挂断了电话。我非常不安地给我父母家里打电话，是我母亲接的电话。
She wouldn’t say anything else, she hung
up, furious. I anxiously called my parents’ house, my mother answered.
“你时不时还会想起我们啊。”她说。
“Every so often you remember we exist,”
she said.
“妈，埃莉莎出了什么事儿？”
“Ma, what’s happening to Elisa?”
“发生了一件会在所有女人身上发生的事儿。”
“What happens to girls today.”
“也就是说。”
“What?”
“她和一个男人在一起了。”
“She’s with someone.”
“她订婚了吗？”
“She’s engaged?”
“就算是吧。”
“Let’s put it like that.”
“她跟谁在一起了？”
“Who is she with?”
“和马尔切洛·索拉拉。”
The answer went right through my heart.
那个回答刺痛了我的心。
“Marcello Solara.”
这就是莉拉不想告诉我的事儿，马尔切洛——我们青少年时代那个帅气的马尔切洛，满怀绝望、孜孜不倦地追求过她的马尔切洛，她通过嫁给斯特凡诺·卡拉奇而羞辱他的年轻男人，他现在找了我妹妹埃莉莎——我们家里最小的孩子，我的乖妹妹，我心里一直还觉得，她是一个了不起的小孩。埃莉莎顺从地跟了他，我的父母和弟弟们没有动一根手指来阻止此事，我全家，包括我自己，都成了索拉拉家的亲戚。
That’s what Lila wanted me to know.
Marcello, the handsome Marcello of our early adolescence, her stubborn,
desperate admirer, the young man she had humiliated by marrying Stefano
Carracci, had taken my sister Elisa, the youngest of the family, my good little
sister, the woman whom I still thought of as a magical child. And Elisa had
let herself be taken. And my parents and my brothers had not lifted a finger
to stop him. And my whole family, and in some way I myself, would end up
related to the Solaras.
“多长时间了？”我问。
“Since when?” I asked.
“我怎么知道，一年了吧。”
“How do I know, a year.”
“你们同意了？”
“And you two gave your consent?”
“你征得我们的同意了吗？你想怎么做就怎么做，她也学你，做了同样的事情。”
“Did you ask our consent? You did as you
liked. And she did the same thing.”
“彼得罗不是马尔切洛·索拉拉。”
“Pietro isn’t Marcello Solara.”
“你说得对：马尔切洛不会让埃莉莎那么对他，就像你对待彼得罗那样。”
“You’re right: Marcello would never let
himself be treated by Elisa the way Pietro is treated by you.”
一阵沉默。
Silence.
“你们可以告诉我，问问我啊。”
“You could have told me, you could have
consulted me.”
“为什么？你已经离开了，你话说得好听：不用担心，我来照顾你们。你总是想着你自己的事情，根本不管我们的死活。”
“Why? You left. ‘I’ll take care of you,
don’t worry.’ Hardly. You’ve only thought of your own affairs, you didn’t
give a damn about us.”
我决定马上带着孩子们回那不勒斯。我想坐火车去，但彼得罗自告奋勇，说要开车送我们去，这样他就可以名正言顺，不用去上班了。那不勒斯太拥堵了，我们才到高卡内拉区，就开始堵车。我感觉自己又一次被这个城市俘获，感受到那些没写在纸上的法律。自从我结婚之后，我再也没有踏进过这座城市，这个城市的喧嚣让我受不了，来来往往的司机不断摁喇叭，他们骂彼得罗，因为他不认识路，有时候他会犹豫，会放慢车速，这让我很心烦。在快到达查理三世广场时，我让他靠边停车，我坐到方向盘前，非常霸道地开到了佛罗伦萨街，就是上次他来的时候住的那家宾馆。我们把行李放下了，我非常精心地把自己和两个女儿打扮了一下，最后我们去了城区，去我父母家里。我觉得自己能干什么呢？用大姐的身份、大学毕业和嫁得好所获得的权威要求埃莉莎、让她取消和马尔切洛的婚约？告诉她，马尔切洛以前有一次捉住我的胳膊，想把我拖到他的“菲亚特1100”汽车里去，当时还把我手上戴的妈妈的手镯弄断了，因此你要相信我，他是一个粗俗暴戾的男人？是的。我觉得自己充满决心，我的任务就是把埃莉莎从那个陷阱里拉出来。
I decided to leave immediately for Naples
with the children. I wanted to go by train, but Pietro volunteered to drive
us, passing off as kindness the fact that he didn’t want to work. As soon as
we came down from the Doganella and were in the chaotic traffic of Naples, I
felt gripped by the city, ruled by its unwritten laws. I hadn’t set foot
there since the day I left to get married. The noise seemed unbearable, I was
irritated by the constant honking, by the insults the drivers shouted at
Pietro when, not knowing the way, he hesitated, slowed down. A little before
Piazza Carlo III I made him pull over. I got into the driver’s seat, and
drove aggressively to Via Firenze, to the same hotel he had stayed in years
before. We left our bags. I carefully dressed the two girls and myself. Then
we went to the neighborhood, to my parents’ house. What did I think I could
do, impose on Elisa my authority as the older sister, a university graduate,
well married? Persuade her to break her engagement? Tell her: I’ve known
Marcello since he grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me into the Fiat 1100,
breaking Mamma’s silver bracelet, so trust me, he’s a vulgar, violent man?
Yes. I felt determined, my job was to pull Elisa out of that trap.
我母亲非常热情地接待了彼得罗，她还一件接着一件给了我两个女儿很多礼物——这是外婆给黛黛的，这是给艾尔莎的——这让她们都很高兴。我父亲情绪很激动，他的声音有些沙哑，我觉得他瘦了，在家里更没地位了。我等着两个弟弟出现，但我发现他们都不在家。
My mother greeted Pietro affectionately
and, in turn—This is for Dede from Grandma, this is for Elsa—she gave the two
girls many small gifts that, in different ways, excited them. My father’s
voice was hoarse with emotion, he seemed thinner, even more subservient. I
waited for my brothers to appear, but I discovered that they weren’t home.
“他们一直在工作。”我父亲很平淡地说。
“They’re always at work,” my father said
without enthusiasm.
“他们做什么？”
“What do they do?”
“吃苦。”我母亲插了一句。
“They work,” my mother broke in.
“在哪儿？”
“Where?”
“马尔切洛给他们安排了工作。”
“Marcello arranged jobs for them.”
我想起了索拉拉兄弟是怎么安置安东尼奥的，以及他后来的下场。
I remembered how the Solaras had arranged
a job for Antonio, what they had made him into.
“他们做什么？”我问。
“Doing what?” I asked.
我母亲很气愤地回答说：
My mother answered in irritation:
“他们带钱回家就好了。莱农，埃莉莎不像你，埃莉莎想着我们所有人。”
“They bring money home and that’s enough.
Elisa isn’t like you, Lenù, Elisa thinks of all of us.”
我假装没听到：“我今天回来，你们告诉她了吗？她在哪儿？”
I pretended not to hear: “Did you tell
her I was coming today? Where is she?”
我父亲低下了头，我母亲很不耐烦地说：“她在她自己家。”
My father lowered his gaze, my mother
said curtly: “At her house.”
我生气地说：
I became angry:
“她已经不住这里了？”
“She doesn’t live here anymore?”
“不住了。”
“No.”
“从什么时候开始？”
“Since when?”
“快两个月了，她和马尔切洛在新城区有一套漂亮的房子。”我母亲冷冰冰地说。
“Almost two months. She and Marcello have
a nice apartment in the new neighborhood,” my mother said coldly.
-*-
90
因此他们不仅仅是订婚了，还同居了。我想马上去埃莉莎的家里看看，我妈妈一个劲儿在说：“你要干什么？你妹妹正准备给你一个惊喜，你就待在这儿吧，等会儿我们一起去。”但我没听她的。我给埃莉莎打了电话，她很高兴接到我的电话，也有些尴尬。我说：“你等着我，我马上就到。”我让彼得罗和两个女儿待在我父母家，我自己步行朝着我妹妹家走去。
He was more than just a boyfriend, then.
I wanted to go to Elisa’s house right away, even though my mother kept
saying: What are you doing, your sister is preparing a surprise for you, stay
here, we’ll all go together later. I paid no attention. I telephoned Elisa,
she answered happily and yet embarrassed. I said: Wait for me, I’m coming. I
left Pietro and the girls with my parents and set off on foot.
我觉得这个城区更加破败了：墙皮脱落，路上坑坑洼洼，到处都是垃圾，墙上贴满了讣告，我从来都没有看到过这么多讣告。我看到老乌戈·索拉拉——马尔切洛和米凯莱的爷爷死了。按照讣告上的日期，应该不是新近的事，而是差不多两个月之前。讣告上有很多鼓吹的话，还有圣母悲怆的脸，死者的名字也都已经有些发白模糊了。虽然如此，但这些讣告还是死守在街上，没有脱落，就好像出于尊敬，其他死者决定从这个世界上默默消失。在斯特凡诺的肉食店门口，我也看到很多讣告。店铺门开着，但我觉得，那家店就像墙上开了一个口子一样，里面空荡荡、黑漆漆的，卡拉奇在店铺的最里面，身上穿着白大褂，后来像幽灵一样消失了。
The neighborhood seemed to me more
run-*-edged posters that carpeted the walls—I had never seen so many—I
learned that the old man Ugo Solara, Marcello and Michele’s grandfather, had
died. As the date attested, the event wasn’t recent—it went back at least two
months—and the high-flown phrases, the faces of grieving Madonnas, the very
name of the dead man were faded, smudged. Yet the death notices persisted on
the streets as if the other dead, out of respect, had decided to disappear
from the world without letting anyone know. I saw several even at the
entrance to Stefano’s grocery. The shop was open, but it seemed to me a hole
in the wall, dark, deserted, and Carracci appeared in the back, in his white
smock, and disappeared like a ghost.
我向着铁轨的方向走上去，经过了我们之前称之为新肉食店的地方，卷帘门是拉下来的，而且两边有些出轨了，门关不严，也有些生锈了，上面画满了脏话和图案。那部分城区好像被彻底遗弃了，以前那些白房子现在成了灰色的了，有一些地方，墙上的泥灰脱落了，露出了下面的砖头。我经过了以前莉拉住的房子，当时路边那些半死不活的小树，只有一小部分还在，大门的玻璃有一片碎了，用胶带粘着。埃莉莎住的地方地势要高得多，在一个更加整洁阔气的小区里。里面的门房探出头来，那是一个头发稀疏、有些秃顶的男人，他拦住了我，很不客气地问我找谁。我不知道怎么说，就嘟囔了一句：“索拉拉。”他马上就一脸敬意地让我过去了。
I climbed up toward the railroad, passing
what we used to call the new grocery. The lowered shutter, partly off its
tracks, was rusty and defaced by obscene words and drawings. That whole part
of the neighborhood appeared abandoned, the shiny white of long ago had
turned gray, the plaster had flaked off in places, revealing the bricks. I
walked by the building where Lila had lived. Few of the stunted trees had
survived. Packing tape held together the crack in the glass of the front
door. Elisa lived farther on, in a better maintained area, more pretentious.
The porter, a small bald man with a thin mustache, appeared, and stopped me,
asking with hostility who I was looking for. I didn’t know what to say. I
muttered, Solara. He became deferential and let me go.
进入电梯，我才意识到自己多么落伍。在米兰或佛罗伦萨，我可以接受的那些事情：女性可以自由的支配自己的身体，可以未婚同居。在我们的城区里，我却无法接受，因为这牵扯到我妹妹的未来，我没办法平静下来。埃莉莎要和马尔切洛这样的危险人物结婚，成立家庭吗？我母亲很高兴吗？我当时在市政府结婚，没有举行宗教仪式，她当时那么气愤。她认为莉拉是个婊子，因为她和恩佐同居，她认为艾达是一个不要脸的烂女人，因为她成了斯特凡诺的情人，但她现在会接受自己的小女儿和马尔切洛·索拉拉——一个坏人，在没结婚的情况下，一起睡觉？我走到埃莉莎家门口时，就是这么想的，我觉得自己的愤怒是有道理的。但我的脑子——我经过训练的脑子一片混乱，我不知道我有什么道理可讲。我会站在我母亲的角度吗？就像几年前我做出结婚决定时她的反应一样？我要倒退回去，坚持她已经放弃的观念吗？或者，我会说：“你想和谁在一起都行，但不要和马尔切洛·索拉拉在一起。”我会这么说吗？但是现在在佛罗伦萨，在米兰，我能对哪个姑娘说出这样的话，让她离开自己爱的男人，无论这个男人是谁？
Only in the elevator did I realize that
my entire self had in a sense slid backward. What would have seemed to me
acceptable in Milan or Florence—a woman’s freedom to dispose of her own body
and her own desires, living with someone outside of marriage—there in the
neighborhood seemed inconceivable: at stake was my sister’s future, I
couldn’t control myself. Elisa had set up house with a dangerous person like
Marcello? And my mother was pleased? She who had been enraged because I was
married in a civil and not a religious ceremony; she who considered Lila a
whore because she lived with Enzo, and Ada a prostitute because she had
become Stefano’s lover: she allowed her young daughter to sleep with Marcello
Solara—a bad person—outside of marriage? I had thoughts of that sort as I
went up to Elisa’s, and a rage that I felt was justified. But my mind—my
disciplined mind—was confused, I didn’t know what arguments I would resort
to. Those my mother would have asserted until a few years before, if I had
made such a choice? Would I therefore regress to a level that she had left
behind? Or should I say: Go and live with whoever you like but not with
Marcello Solara? Should I say that? But what girl, today, in Florence, in
Milan, would I ever force to leave a man, whoever he was, if she was in love
with him?
埃莉莎给我开门时，我紧紧拥抱了她，用的力气很大，以至于她笑着说了一句：“你弄疼我了。”她让我坐在客厅里——一间非常奢华的客厅，里面摆满了带花饰沙发，还有金色靠背的单人沙发。我感觉她有些心虚，她开始说个不停，都是顾左右而言他，说我看起来气色很好，我的耳环很漂亮，项链也很漂亮，我多优雅，她多么想马上见到黛黛和艾尔莎。我非常热情地提到了我的两个女儿，我把耳环摘下来，让她在镜子前试了试，然后把耳环送给她了。我看到她脸色明朗起来了，她笑了，低声说：
When Elisa opened the door, I hugged her
so hard that she said, laughing: You’re hurting me. I felt her alarm as she
invited me to sit down in the living room—a showy room full of flowered sofas
and chairs with gilded backs—and began to speak quickly, but of other things:
how well I looked, what pretty earrings I was wearing, what a nice necklace,
how chic I was, she was so eager to meet Dede and Elsa. I described her
nieces in detail, I took off my earrings, made her try them at the mirror,
gave them to her. I saw her brighten; she laughed and said:
“我担心你是来骂我的，说你反对我和马尔切洛在一起。”
“I was afraid you’d come to scold me, to
say you were opposed to my relationship with Marcello.”
我盯着她看了一会儿，说：
I stared at her for a long moment, I
said:
“埃莉莎，我是反对的。我专门赶过来就是为了告诉你，告诉妈妈、爸爸还有我们的兄弟，我很反对你和他在一起。”
“Elisa, I am opposed to it. And I made
this trip purposely to tell you, Mamma, Papa, and our brothers.”
她脸色变了，眼睛里满是泪水。
Her expression changed; her eyes filled
with tears.
“你让我很难过，你为什么会反对呢？”
“Now you’re upsetting me: why are you
against it?”
“索拉拉家没什么好人。”
“The Solaras are terrible people.”
“马尔切洛不一样。”
“Not Marcello.”
她开始跟我谈起了马尔切洛。她说，一切都是我怀艾尔莎时开始的。母亲去佛罗伦萨照顾我了，家里的重担都落在了她肩膀上。有一次，她在索拉拉家的超市里买东西，莉拉的哥哥里诺说，她可以把购物单子放下，他会把东西送到家里。在里诺说话时，她看到马尔切洛在远处跟她打招呼，表明那是他的意思。从那时候开始，马尔切洛就开始围着她转，一直对他献殷勤。埃莉莎心想：他很老，我不喜欢他。但他一直都在她眼前晃来晃去，非常客气，没有一个动作或者一句话会让人想到索拉拉家做的那些招人恨的事情。马尔切洛真是一个好人，跟他在一起很有安全感，他力气很大，而且很会照顾人，他简直太高大了。不仅仅如此，从他对埃莉莎示好的那一天开始，她的生活就发生了变化。所有人，无论城区内外，都开始像对待女王那样对待她，所有人都很重视她。那是一种很美好的感觉，她到现在还不习惯。她对我说：“以前你什么都不是，但现在，就连下水道的耗子都认识你。当然，你写了一本书，你很有名，你已经习惯了这种备受关注的生活，但我却从来没有过这样的体验，我简直惊呆了。我发现，什么事儿都不用我操心，所有事儿都是马尔切洛去办的，我有什么想法，他都会照办。这真是一件激动人心的事儿。就这样，时间越长，我就越喜欢他。最后，我答应了马尔切洛。现在假如有一天我没有看到他，没有听到他说话，我都会整晚睡不着觉，会哭个不停。”
She began to tell me about him. She said
it had started when I was pregnant with Elsa. Our mother had left to stay
with me and she had found all the weight of the family on her. Once when she
had gone to do the shopping at the Solaras’ supermarket, Rino, Lila’s
brother, had said that if she left the list of what she needed he would have
it delivered. And while Rino was talking, she noticed that Marcello gave her
a nod of greeting as if to let her know that that order had been given by
him. From then on he had begun to hang around, doing kind things for her.
Elisa had said to herself: He’s old, I don’t like him. But he had become
increasingly present in her life, always courteous, there hadn’t been a word
or a gesture that recalled the hateful side of the Solaras. Marcello was
really a respectable person, with him she felt safe, he had a strength, an
authority, that made him seem ten meters tall. Not only that. From the moment
it became clear that he was interested in her, Elisa’s life had changed. Everyone,
in the neighborhood and outside it, had begun to treat her like a queen,
everyone had begun to consider her important. It was a wonderful feeling, she
wasn’t yet used to it. Before, she said, you’re nobody, and right afterward
even the mice in the sewer grates know you: of course, you’ve written a book,
you’re famous, you’re used to it, but I’m not, I was astonished. It had been
thrilling to discover that she didn’t have to worry about anything. Marcello
took care of it all, every desire of hers was a command for him. So as time
passed she fell in love. In the end she had said yes. And now if a day went
by and she didn’t see or hear from him, she was awake all night crying.
我意识到，埃莉莎确信自己非常幸运，难以想象的幸运。我明白，我没有勇气破坏她的幸福，再加上，她没有给我任何反驳的机会。她不停地说，马尔切洛很能干，马尔切洛很有责任心，马尔切洛很帅，很完美。她说每句话都很小心，要么把他和索拉拉家的其他成员区分开，要么会很小心地提到，他妈妈很热情，他父亲胃不舒服，现在几乎不出门，她还提到他去世的爷爷，甚至提到了米凯莱——在她和米凯莱接触之后，她觉得，他和人们说的不一样，他很有人情味。因此，你要相信我——她对我说——自从我出生以来，我从来没有感觉这么好过，包括妈妈，你知道她的，她也支持我。爸爸，还有詹尼和佩佩，他们也是站在我这边的。前不久，詹尼和佩佩还无所事事，现在马尔切洛给他们找到了事儿做，而且能挣到很多钱。
Elisa was convinced that she had had an
unimaginable stroke of luck and I knew that I wouldn’t have the strength to
spoil all that happiness. Especially since she didn’t offer me any
opportunity: Marcello was capable, Marcello was responsible, Marcello was
handsome, Marcello was perfect. With every word she uttered she was careful
either to keep him separate from the Solara family or to speak with cautious
liking for his mother, or his father, who had a stomach disease, and almost
never left the house, or of the deceased grandfather, sometimes even of
Michele, who, if you spent time with him, also seemed different from the way
people judged him; he was very affectionate. So believe me, she said, I’ve
never been so happy since I was born, and even Mamma, and you know what she’s
like, is on my side, even Papa, and Gianni and Peppe, who until a short time
ago spent their days doing nothing, now Marcello employs them, paying them
really well.
“假如事情是这样，那你们就结婚吧。”我说。
“If that’s really the way things are, get
married,” I said.
“我们会结婚的，但不是现在，过了这段就结婚。马尔切洛说，他要解决一些生意上的问题，一些很复杂的事儿，再加上他爷爷的葬礼。那个可怜的老头儿，后来已经完全迷糊了，他都不会走路、不会说话了，还好上帝解放了他。但这些事情一搞清楚，我们就结婚，你不要担心。再加上，在结婚之前，我们最好要试一试，看两个人在一起合不合适，是不是？”
“We will. But now isn’t a good time,
Marcello says he has to settle some complicated business affairs. And then
there’s the mourning for his grandfather, poor man, he lost his mind, he
couldn’t remember how to walk, or even how to speak, by taking him God set
him free. But as soon as things calm down we’ll get married, don’t worry. And
then, before you get married, it’s better to see if you get along, isn’t it?”
然后她又说一些话，都不是她自己的话，而是那些年轻时尚的女孩子从报纸上看到的话。我把她说的话，和关于这些话题我可能会说的话进行对比，我觉得差别可能不大。埃莉莎的话会粗糙一些。我有什么可反驳的？在我来之前，我不知道该怎么说，现在我依然不知道该怎么说。我本应该说：“没什么可期待的，埃莉莎，一切都很明朗，马尔切洛会消耗你，他会习惯你的身体，然后抛弃你。”但这些话听起来很陈旧，即使是我母亲现在也不敢这样对她说，因此我放弃了。我现在离开了，我摆脱了这个地方，但埃莉莎还留在了这里。假如我也留在这里，我会成为什么样子？我会做出什么选择？我小时候不是也喜欢索拉拉兄弟吗？除此之外，离开这里我得到了什么好处？我都找不到一些明智的话，来说服我妹妹不要把自己毁掉。埃莉莎的脸蛋很美，很秀气，她的身材也很匀称，声音柔和。我记得，马尔切洛很高很帅，四方脸，肤色很健康，浑身肌肉发达。他也能对一个女人保持持久强烈的情感：当他爱上莉拉时，就已经表现出这一点了，从那时候开始，没听说他有别的恋情。那我还有什么可说的？最后，她拿过一个盒子，给我看了马尔切洛送给她的首饰，和那些首饰相比，我刚才送给她的那副耳环，简直算不上什么。
She began to speak in words that weren’t
hers, the words of a modern girl picked up from the comic books she read. I
compared them with the ones I would have uttered on those same subjects and I
realized that they weren’t very different, Elisa’s words only seemed a little
coarser. How to respond? I didn’t know at the start of that visit, and I
don’t know now. I could have said: There’s not much to say, Elisa, it’s all
clear: Marcello will consume you, he’ll get used to your body, he’ll leave
you. But they were words that sounded old, not even my mother had dared to
say them. So I resigned myself. I had gone away, Elisa had stayed. What would
I have been if I, too, had stayed, what choices would I have made? Hadn’t I,
too, liked the Solara boys when I was a girl? And besides, what had I gained
by leaving? Not even the capacity to find words of wisdom to persuade my
sister not to ruin herself. Elisa had a pretty face with delicate features,
an unremarkable body, a caressing voice. Marcello I remembered as tall,
handsome, muscular, he had a square face with a healthy complexion, and was
capable of intense feelings of love: he had demonstrated that when he was in
love with Lila, it didn’t seem that he’d had other loves since. What to say,
then? In the end she went to get a box and showed me all the jewelry Marcello
had given her, objects compared to which the earrings I had given her were
what they were, small things.
“你自己小心，”我对她说，“不要太忘形了。需要的话，就打电话给我。”
“Be careful,” I said. “Don’t lose
yourself. And if you need to, call me.”
我要站起来走了，她笑着把我拦下了。
I was about to get up, but she stopped
me, laughing.
“你去哪儿？妈妈没跟你说吗？所有人都来这里吃饭，我准备了一大堆吃的。”
“Where are you going, didn’t Mamma tell
you? They’re all coming here for dinner. I’ve made a huge amount of food.”
我有些不情愿地问：
I showed my annoyance:
“所有人？都有谁啊？”
“All who?”
“所有人，这是一个惊喜。”
“Everyone: it’s a surprise.”
-*-
91
先是我父母亲来了，后来我的两个孩子和彼得罗也进来了。埃莉莎给了黛黛和艾尔莎很多礼物，非常疼爱她们（黛黛，小甜心，亲我一下嘛；艾尔莎，你真结实啊，到小姨这里来，你知道不知道，我们的名字一样）。我母亲马上就消失在厨房里，她低着头，没有看我。彼得罗想把我拉到一边，告诉我一件比较重要的事，他脸上的神情好像在说，他是无辜的，但他没能告诉我他想说的话，我父亲拉着他坐到了电视前的一张沙发上，他们把电视声音开得很大。
The first to arrive were my father and
mother, with the two little girls and Pietro. Dede and Elsa received more
presents from Elisa, who fussed over them (Dede, sweetie, give me a big kiss
here; Elsa, how nice and plump you are, come to your aunt, you know we have
the same name?). My mother disappeared immediately into the kitchen, head
down, without looking at me. Pietro tried to pull me aside to tell me I don’t
know what serious thing but with the air of one who wants to declare his
innocence. Instead, my father dragged him over to sit on a couch in front of
the television and turned it on at high volume.
过了一会儿，吉耀拉和她的孩子出现了，那两个土匪一样的儿子，很快就和黛黛打成一片，艾尔莎很担忧，她缠着我不放。吉耀拉刚做过头发，叮叮咚咚地穿着一双高跟皮鞋，她的耳朵、脖子、手臂上的首饰都金光闪闪的。她把自己硬塞到一条亮绿色的裙子里，领口开得很低，她化了浓妆，妆容都有些化了。她开门见山、充满讽刺地对我说：
Soon afterward Gigliola appeared with her
children, two fierce boys who immediately ganged up with Dede, while Elsa,
bewildered, took refuge with me. Gigliola was fresh from the hairdresser, her
extremely high heels clacked on the floor, she sparkled with gold, in her
ears, around her neck, on her arms. A bright green dress, with a very low
décolletage, barely contained her, and she wore heavy makeup that was already
cracking. She turned to me and said without preamble, sarcastically:
“我们都来了，特意来向你们这些大教授致敬。一切都好吧？莱农，这就是那个大学的天才？我的天呐！你丈夫的头发可真好。”
“Here we are, we’ve come to honor you
professors. Everything good, Lenù? Is that the genius of the university? My
goodness, what nice hair your husband has.”
这时候，彼得罗摆脱了我父亲搭在他肩膀上的手臂，忽然站了起来，脸上带着一个羞怯的微笑，目光不由自主地落在了吉耀拉胸前的波浪上。她也意识到这一点，有些得意洋洋。
Pietro freed himself from my father, who
had an arm around his shoulders, jumped up with a timid smile, and couldn’t
restrain himself, his gaze instinctively rested on the large wave of
Gigliola’s breasts. She noted it with satisfaction.
“请坐，请坐，”她说，“要不然，我会不好意思的。在我们这儿，没人会站起来跟一位太太打招呼。”
“Easy, easy,” she said to him, “or I’ll
be embarrassed. Here no one ever gets up to greet a lady.”
我父亲拉我丈夫坐下，他很担心别人会把彼得罗抢走。虽然电视声音很大，他开始和彼得罗交谈起来了，我不知道他们在说什么。我问吉耀拉她怎么样，我尽量用目光、声音和语气暗示她：我没有忘记她对我说过的那些话，我是站在她那边的，但她好像并不吃这一套。她说：
My father pulled my husband back, worried
that someone would take him away, and started talking to him again about
something or other, in spite of the booming television. I asked Gigliola how
she was, trying to convey to her with my gaze, my tone of voice, that I
hadn’t forgotten her confidences and was close to her. The idea must not have
pleased her, she said:
“美女，你听我说，我很好，你也很好，我们都很好。假如不是我丈夫让我来参加这操蛋的聚会，我更乐意待在自己家里。这就是我想说的。”
“Listen, sweetheart, I’m fine, you’re
fine, we’re all fine. But if my husband hadn’t ordered me to come here and
bore my ass off, I’d be much better off at my house. Just to be clear.”
我没法接茬。这时候有人敲门，我妹妹很轻盈地跑去开门，就像一阵轻风。我听见她大声说：“我真是太高兴了！您请进，妈妈，请进。”随后，我妹妹就和她未来的婆婆曼努埃拉·索拉拉一起出现了。曼努埃拉穿着过节穿的衣服，染了红头发，头上戴着一朵绢花，一双饱含痛苦的眼睛陷在深深的眼窝里，她比我上次看到她时还要消瘦，几乎是皮包骨头。她身后是米凯莱，他穿得也很体面，胡子刮得很干净，目光和动作都很干练、沉稳。过了一会儿，出现了一个身材巨大的男人，我一时都没认出来他是谁。他全身上下块头都很大：个子很高，脚很大，腿很长，而且又粗又壮，他的肚子、脖子还有肩膀，就像是由非常结实、非常沉重的材料组成，他头也很大，额头很宽，头发很长，黑漆漆的，都梳到脑后，他的胡子是深灰色的，油光发亮。那是马尔切洛，埃莉莎的嘴唇迎了上去，就像他是一个需要尊敬和崇拜的神祇。他低下头吻了一下埃莉莎。这时候，我父亲站了起来，他有些慌乱地把彼得罗也拉了起来，我母亲也一瘸一拐从厨房里出来了。我意识到，索拉拉太太的出席是一件很特别、值得大家骄傲的事儿。埃莉莎在我耳边激动地说：“今天是我婆婆六十大寿。”啊，我说。这时候，马尔切洛的举动也让我很惊异，他直接和我丈夫说话，就好像他们已经认识了。他笑了一下，露出白得耀眼的牙齿，大声说：“一切都好吧，教授。”什么一切都好？彼得罗脸上带着一个很迷惑的微笑，他看着我，不知所措地摇了摇头，就好像在说：我已经尽力了。我想让他给我解释一下，但这时候，马尔切洛已经开始给他介绍曼努埃拉：“过来，妈妈，这就是莱农的丈夫，是个大学教授，你过来坐在他跟前。”彼得罗欠了欠身子，表示致意，我觉得自己也需要和索拉拉太太打个招呼。她说：“你真漂亮，莱农，和你妹妹一样漂亮。”然后她带着一丝不安问我：“屋子里太热了，你感觉不到吗？”我没有回答，因为这时候黛黛在哭着叫我。吉耀拉——唯一一个对于曼努埃拉的出现不在意的人，用方言骂了她的两个儿子，因为他们欺负了我女儿。我发现，米凯莱在默默地研究我，他连一声“你好”都没跟我说。我跟他打了招呼，声音很大，然后我过去哄黛黛，安慰艾尔莎，艾尔莎看到姐姐在哭，也要哭起来了。马尔切洛对我说：“我很高兴在我家里接待你们，对我来说，这是一件很荣幸的事儿，我是说真的。”然后他转过身，对埃莉莎说，就好像他没有足够的勇气和我说话：“你告诉你姐姐，我很高兴，我有些害怕你姐。”我嚅嗫了几句让他放心的话，这时候，又有人敲门。
I couldn’t answer, someone was ringing
the doorbell. My sister moved lightly, she seemed to glide on a breath of
wind, she hurried to open the door. I heard her exclaim: How happy I am,
come, Mamma, come in. And she reappeared, holding by the hand her future
mother-*-law, Manuela Solara, who was dressed for a party, a fake flower in
her dyed reddish hair, sorrowful eyes set in deep sockets, even thinner than
the last time I’d seen her—almost skin and bone. Behind her was Michele, well
dressed, carefully shaved, with a brusque power in his gaze and in his calm
movements. And a moment afterward appeared a big man I had trouble
recognizing, everything about him was enormous: he was tall, with big feet,
long large powerful legs, his stomach and chest and shoulders inflated by
some heavy, compact material; he had a large head with a broad forehead, his
long brown hair was combed back, his beard was coal-*-in-law is sixty. Ah, I
said, and meanwhile I was surprised to see Marcello, as soon as he came in,
turn directly to my husband as if they already knew each other. He gave him a
bright smile, shouting: Everything’s taken care of, Prof. What everything was
taken care of? Pietro responded with an uncertain smile, then he looked at
me, shaking his head in distress, as if to say: I did everything I could. I
would have liked him to explain, but already Marcello was introducing
Manuela: Come, Mamma, this is the professor husband of Lenuccia, sit down
here next to him. Pietro made a half bow, and I, too, felt compelled to greet
Signora Solara, who said: How pretty you are Lenù, you’re pretty like your
sister, and then she asked me with some anxiety: It’s warm in here, don’t you
feel it? I didn’t answer, Dede was whining, calling me, Gigliola—the only one
who appeared to give no importance to the presence of Manuela—shouted
something vulgar in dialect to her children who had hit mine. I realized that
Michele was studying me silently, without even saying hello. I greeted him,
in a loud voice, then tried to soothe Dede and Elsa, who, seeing her sister
distressed, was about to start crying in turn. Marcello said to me: I’m so
happy to have you as a guest in my house, it’s a great honor for me, believe
me. He turned to Elisa as if to speak directly to me were beyond his powers:
You tell her how pleased I am, your sister intimidates me. I said something
to put him at ease, but at that moment the doorbell rang again.
这次是米凯莱去开的门，他很快就回来了，满脸诡异，后面跟着一位拉着行李的老年男人，那是我的行李，我放到宾馆的行李。米凯莱指着我，那个男人就把行李放在了我跟前，就像在玩魔术，逗我开心。不！我大声说，不，你们这样会让我很生气。但埃莉莎拥抱了我，亲吻了我的脸。她说：“你们不能住在宾馆里，我们有地方，这里有很多房间，还有两个洗手间。”无论如何，马尔切洛强调说，我先征得了你丈夫的同意后才敢这么做。教授，拜托了，跟您太太说说吧，替我们说句话嘛。我有些不知所措，非常气愤，但还是面带微笑说：“我的天，真是太乱了，谢谢你，马尔切，你的好意我心领了，但我们不能住在这里。”我想让那人把行李送回宾馆，但我还要哄黛黛，我对她说：“让我看看，他们把你怎么了，没事儿，亲一下就没事儿，你去玩儿吧，带着艾尔莎。”然后我叫彼得罗，他已经围在曼努埃拉·索拉拉的跟前了：“彼得罗，你过来一下，拜托了，你跟马尔切洛是怎么说的？我们不能住在这里。”我意识到，因为激动，我的口音变得很重，我用了那不斯勒城区的一些词。这个城区的院子、大路还有隧道，都在把它的语言、行为方式强加于我，佛罗伦萨的影像好像忽然淡化了，成了幻影，而这里的一切，都是有血有肉的。
Michele went to the door, and he returned
shortly afterward with a look of amusement. He was followed by an old man who
was carrying suitcases, my suitcases, the suitcases we had left in the hotel.
Michele gestured toward me, the man placed them in front of me as if he had
performed a magic trick for my entertainment. No, I exclaimed, oh no, you’re
making me angry. But Elisa embraced me, kissed me, said: We have room, you
can’t stay in a hotel, we have so much space here, and two bathrooms. Anyway,
Marcello said emphatically, I asked your husband for permission, I wouldn’t
have dared take the initiative: Prof, please talk to your wife, defend me. I
gasped, furious but smiling: Good Lord, what a mess, thank you Marcè, you’re
very kind, but we really can’t accept. And I tried to send the suitcases back
to the hotel. But I also had to attend to Dede, I said to her: Let me see
what the boys did, it’s nothing, a little kiss will make it go away, go play,
take Elsa. And I called Pietro, already caught in the coils of Manuela
Solara: Pietro, come here, please, what did you say to Marcello, we can’t
sleep here. And I realized that my voice was taking on the tones of the
dialect, out of nervousness, that words were coming to me in the Neapolitan
of the neighborhood, that the neighborhood—from the courtyard to the stradone
and the tunnel—was imposing its language on me, its mode of acting and
reacting, its figures, those which in Florence seemed faded images and here
were flesh and blood.
这时候门又响了，埃莉莎跑去开门。还有谁会来呢？过了几秒钟，詹纳罗冲进了房间，他看见了黛黛，黛黛看到他后也很震惊，马上就不哼唧了，他们都在激动地相互打量，这次重逢太出乎他们意料了。随后恩佐出现了，他是唯一的金发男人，其他男人都是黑头发，他神情凝重，最后进来的是莉拉。
There was another ring at the door, Elisa
went to open it. Who else was still to arrive? A few seconds passed and
Gennaro rushed into the room. He saw Dede, Dede saw him, incredulous. She
immediately stopped whining, and they stared at each other, overwhelmed by
that unexpected reunion. Right afterward Enzo appeared, the only blond among
so many dark-haired people and bright colors, and yet he was grim. Finally
Lila entered.
-*-
92
在没有见面的漫长时光里，我们只是通过电话联系，这段时光忽然被打破了。莉拉穿着一件蓝色裙子，裙子的长度在膝盖上面一点。她很消瘦，瘦骨嶙峋，这让她看起来更加高挑了，虽然她穿着低跟鞋子。她的嘴角，还有眼睛周围有很明显的皱纹，她脸上的皮肤非常白，额头还有颧骨上的皮肤很紧致。她把头发梳成了马尾辫，能看到她耳朵的轮廓，她几乎没有耳垂。她一看到我，就微笑起来了，眼睛眯了起来。我没有微笑，我惊异得什么话也说不出来，连一句“你好”都没说。尽管我们都三十岁了，但她看起来要比我苍老得多，我感觉自己没那么多皱纹。吉耀拉喊了一句：“另一个女王终于露面了，孩子们都饿了，我已经管不住他们了。”
A long period of words without body, of
voice alone that ran in waves over an electric sea, suddenly shattered. Lila
wore a knee-length blue dress. She was thin, all sinews, which made her seem
taller than usual in spite of her low heels. She had deep wrinkles at the
sides of her mouth and her eyes, otherwise the pale skin of her face was
stretched over the forehead, the cheekbones. Her hair, combed into a
ponytail, showed threads of white over her ears, which were almost without
lobes. As soon as she saw me she smiled, she narrowed her eyes. I didn’t
smile and was so surprised I said nothing, not even hello. Although we were
both thirty years old, she seemed older, more worn than I imagined I was.
Gigliola shouted: Finally the other little queen is here, the children are
hungry, I can’t control them anymore.
我们开始吃饭。我感觉自己陷入困境，没办法咽下那顿晚餐。我带着愤怒想到了我的行李，到了宾馆之后，我就把行李取了出来，现在他们又把我们的东西收了起来，我的、彼得罗还有两个孩子的东西，被那一个或者几个陌生人的手碰过了。我没办法接受这样一个事实，即为了让我妹妹开心，我要在马尔切洛·索拉拉家里睡觉，因为他们睡在一张床上。我用眼睛审视着埃莉莎还有我的母亲，有一种隔阂和敌意让我觉得很伤心。埃莉莎被一种狂热的幸福席卷，她不停地说话，扮演着女主人的角色。我母亲看起来很高兴，她那么高兴，甚至非常客气地给莉拉盘子里添满了菜。我审视着恩佐，他在低头吃饭，吉耀拉让他很不耐烦，她巨大的胸部挨着他的手臂，她在用一种富婆的语气在和他说话，而且声音极高。我有些怨恨地看着彼得罗，尽管他旁边坐着我父亲、马尔切洛、索拉拉太太，可他还是最关注莉拉。莉拉坐在他对面，她对谁都很漠然，包括我——也许尤其是针对我——但她对彼得罗却很关注。几个孩子也让我很心烦：五个小生命，已经形成了两派，詹纳罗和黛黛联合起来对付吉耀拉的两个儿子，他们从母亲的杯子里喝葡萄酒，越来越让人受不了，艾尔莎却很喜欢他们，想和他们联合起来，虽然他们根本都不在乎她。
We ate. I felt as if I were being
squeezed in an uncomfortable device; I couldn’t swallow. I thought angrily of
the suitcases, which I had unpacked in the hotel and which had been
arbitrarily repacked by one or more strangers, people who had touched my things,
Pietro’s, the children’s, making a mess. I couldn’t accept the evidence—that
I would sleep in the house of Marcello Solara to please my sister, who shared
his bed. I watched, with a hostility that grieved me, Elisa and my mother,
the first, overwhelmed by an anxious happiness, talking on and on as she
played the part of mistress of the house, the second appearing content, so
content that she even filled Lila’s plate politely. I observed Enzo, who ate
with his head down, annoyed by Gigliola, who pressed her enormous bosom
against his arm and talked in loud, flirtatious tones. I looked with
irritation at Pietro, who, although assailed by my father, by Marcello, by
Signora Solara, paid attention only to Lila, who sat opposite him and was
indifferent to everyone, even to me—maybe especially to me—but not to him.
And the children got on my nerves, the five new lives who had arranged
themselves into two groups: Gennaro and Dede, well-behaved and devious,
against Gigliola’s children, who, drinking wine from their distracted
mother’s glass, were becoming intolerable, and now appealing to Elsa, who had
joined them, even if they took no notice of her.
是谁导演了这场戏？是谁把这形形色色的人聚在一起？当然是埃莉莎了。是谁促使她这么做的？也许是马尔切洛，但马尔切洛肯定是受到了米凯莱的指使。米凯莱现在坐在我旁边，正在自在地吃喝，他假装没有看到他的妻子，还有孩子们的表现，他用戏谑的目光看着我丈夫，而我丈夫好像被莉拉迷住了。米凯莱想说明什么问题？这是索拉拉的地盘？尽管我已经逃离了，但我还是属于这个地方，因此属于他们？因此他们可以把所有事情强加到我身上，动用情感、语言和仪式，但同时也可以按照自己的意愿摧毁这些，把丑的变成美的，美的变成丑了？米凯莱进来之后，对我说的第一句话是：“你看到我妈妈了吗？想想她都六十岁了，谁能看出她的年龄呢？你看看她多美，多显年轻，不是吗？”他故意抬高嗓门，让所有人都听到他的那个问题，我不得不回应他。我也不得不对他妈妈说了几句赞赏的话。她现在坐在彼得罗旁边，她是一个有些迷糊的老女人，瘦骨嶙峋，脸很长，鼻子很大，稀疏的头发上插着一朵怪异的花儿，她很客气，表面上看起来很无辜。无论如何，她都是个放高利贷的，是那个给家里带来财富的人，她守护着那个红本子，本子里有这个城区、这个城市，还有这个省份的很多人的名字。这就是那个只犯罪，却没有受罚的女人，一个非常无情的危险女人。依照我和莉拉在电话里的构想，还有我那部夭折了的小说里的片段，这个女人就是杀死堂·阿奇勒，然后取代他，垄断了高利贷行当的女人。她教育两个儿子攫取所有东西，把所有人踩到脚下。现在，我不得不对米凯莱说：“是的，真的，你母亲很美，她看起来很年轻，真是这样。”我用眼睛的余光看着莉拉，她停止和彼得罗说话，她转过脸来看着我，她的嘴唇半闭着，眼睛眯成一条缝，眉头皱着。我在她的脸上看到了讽刺，我想到，也许是她建议米凯莱让我陷于这样的处境：莱农，这是你妹妹的婆婆，你妹夫的妈妈，妈妈现在六十岁了。我们看看，你会说什么，我们看看，你会不会接着摆架子。我对曼努埃拉说：“祝您万福！”没有其他的话。马尔切洛很快插了一句，就好像是为了帮助我，他很感动地大声说：“谢谢，谢谢莱农。”他对他母亲说：“妈妈，莱农祝福你了。”他母亲这时候满脸痛苦，脸上全是汗，枯瘦的后脖子上有一片片红斑。这时候，坐在曼努埃拉旁边的彼得罗也说：“太太，我也祝您长命百岁。”除了吉耀拉和莉拉，所有人都祝福了索拉拉太太，包括几个孩子，他们齐声说：“长命百岁！曼努埃拉，长命百岁，奶奶！”她有些受宠若惊，嘟囔了一句：我老了。她从包里拿出了一把天蓝色的扇子，上面印着冒烟的维苏威火山，还有那不勒斯海湾，她开始慢慢扇了起来，越来越有力。
Who had put on this show? Who had mixed
together different reasons to celebrate? Elisa obviously, but pushed by whom?
Maybe by Marcello. But Marcello had surely been directed by Michele, who was
sitting next to me, and who, at his ease, ate, drank, pretended to ignore the
behavior of his wife and children, but stared ironically at my husband, who
seemed fascinated by Lila. What did he want to prove? That this was the
territory of the Solaras? That even if I had escaped I belonged to that place
and therefore to them? That they could force on me anything by mobilizing
affections, vocabulary, rituals, but also by destroying them, by making at
their convenience the ugly beautiful and the beautiful ugly? He spoke to me
for the first time since he had arrived. Did you see Mamma, he said, imagine,
she’s sixty, but who would ever say so, look how pretty she is, she carries
it well, no? He raised his voice on purpose, so that everyone could hear not
so much his question as the answer that I was now obliged to give. I had to
speak in praise of Mamma. Here she was, sitting next to Pietro, an old woman
who was a little vague, polite, apparently innocuous, with a long bony face,
a massive nose, that crazy flower in her thinning hair. And yet she was the
loan shark who had founded the family fortunes; the caretaker and guardian of
the red book in which were the names of so many in the neighborhood, the
city, and the province; the woman of the crime without punishment, a ruthless
and dangerous woman, according to the telephonic fantasy I had indulged in,
along with Lila, and according to the pages of my aborted novel: Mamma who
had killed Don Achille, to replace him and gain a monopoly on
loan-*-in-*-in-law, let’s see what you say now, let’s see if you continue to
play the schoolmistress. I responded, turning to Manuela, Happy Birthday,
nothing else. And immediately Marcello broke in, as if to help me, he
exclaimed, with emotion: Thank you, thank you, Lenù. Then he turned to his
mother; her face was pained, sweaty, and red blotches had appeared on her
skinny neck: Lenuccia has congratulated you, Mamma. And immediately Pietro
said to the woman who was sitting next to him: Happy Birthday also from me,
Signora. And so everyone—everyone except Gigliola and Lila—paid respects to
Signora Solara, even the children, in chorus: Many happy returns, Manuela,
many happy returns, Grandma. And she shied away, saying, I’m old, and, taking
out of her purse a blue fan with the image of the gulf and a smoking Vesuvio,
she began to fan herself, slowly at first, then more energetically.
尽管米凯莱一直在对我说话，但他好像更在意我丈夫的祝福。他很礼貌地和我丈夫说话：“教授，太客气了，您不是这里人，您不知道我母亲的功德。”他用一种很正经的语气说：“我们都是好人家，我的好爷爷，希望他灵魂得到安生，他在一个角落里，经营一家酒吧，赤手空拳开始创业，我父亲把那家酒吧扩建了，因为我丈人斯帕纽洛的好手艺，最后搞成整个那不勒斯都很有名的一家点心房。我丈人的手艺非常棒，是不是？吉耀！”他补充说：“这一切都归功于我母亲——我们的母亲，现在的人都眼红嫉妒，他们都想陷害我们，都在说对她不利的话。但我们都能容忍别人，我们早就习惯于专注自己的生意，而且充满耐心，因为事实真相总会浮出水面。事实上，她是一个非常聪明的女人，性格很要强，她从来都没想过要歇着，什么都不干：她一直在工作，为家人操劳，什么都没有享受到。我们现在拥有的一切，都是她给我们创造的，我们今天做的一切，只是继续了她做的事情。”
Michele, although he had turned to me,
seemed to give my husband’s good wishes more importance. He spoke to him
politely: too kind, Prof, you aren’t from here and you can’t know the good
qualities of our mother. He assumed a confidential tone: We’re good folk, my
late grandfather, rest his soul, started out with the bar here at the corner,
started from nothing, and my father expanded it, he made a pastry shop that’s
famous in all Naples, thanks also to the skill of Spagnuolo, my wife’s
father, an extraordinary artisan—right, Gigliò? But, he added, it’s to my
mother, to our mother, that we owe everything. In recent times envious
people, people who wish us harm, have spread odious rumors about her. But we
are tolerant people, life has taught us to stay in business and to be
patient. So the truth always prevails. And the truth is that this woman is
extremely intelligent, she has a strong character; there has never been a
moment when it would even cross your mind that she has the desire to do
nothing. She has always worked, always, and she has done it only for the
family, she never enjoyed anything for herself. What we have today is what
she built for us children, what we do today is only the continuation of what
she did.
这时候，曼努埃拉摇扇子的动作变得缓慢，她高声对彼得罗说：“米凯莱是个特别孝顺的儿子，他从小就会在圣诞节的时候站在桌上背诵诗歌；他的缺点就是太爱说话，喜欢夸大其词。”马尔切洛说了一句：“不是的，妈，什么夸大其词啊！他说的都是真的。”米凯莱继续赞美着曼努埃拉，说她多美，多么慷慨，简直滔滔不绝。直到最后，他忽然朝向我，非常严肃，甚至是庄重地说：“这里只有一个女人，可以和我们的母亲相媲美。”另一个女人？可以和索拉拉太太相媲美？我不安地看着他，尽管在那个熙熙攘攘的晚餐上，他的那句话有些不合时宜，但有那么一刻，大家都不说话了。吉耀拉用不耐烦的眼神看着她丈夫，眼睛里充满了酒精和痛苦。我母亲忽然变得凝重起来：也许她希望那个女人是埃莉莎，米凯莱正在赋予自己的女儿某种权力，让她可以接替索拉拉太太，坐上他家里的第一把交椅。这时候，曼努埃拉停止用扇子扇风，她用食指抹了抹嘴唇上的汗水，等着儿子用一句玩笑话，把之前的话全推翻。
Manuela fanned herself with a more
deliberate gesture, she said aloud to Pietro: Michele is a wonderful son.
When he was a child, at Christmas, he would climb up on the table and recite
poetry beautifully; but his flaw is that he likes to talk and when he talks
he has to exaggerate. Marcello interrupted: No, Mamma, what exaggeration,
it’s all true. And Michele continued to sing Manuela’s praises, how beautiful
she was, how generous, he wouldn’t stop. Until suddenly he turned to me. He
said seriously, in fact solemnly: There’s only one other woman who is almost
like our mother. Another woman? A woman almost comparable to Manuela Solara?
I looked at him in bewilderment. The phrase, in spite of that almost, was out
of place, and for a few instants the noisy dinner became soundless. Gigliola
stared at her husband with nervous eyes, the pupils dilated by wine and
unhappiness. My mother, too, assumed an expression that was unsuitable,
watchful: Maybe she hoped that that woman was Elisa, that Michele was about
to assign to her daughter a sort of right of succession to the most elevated
seat among the Solaras. And Manuela stopped fanning herself for a moment, she
dried with her index finger the sweat on her lips, she waited for her son to
upend those words in a mocking remark.
但是，他还是像往常那样肆无忌惮，根本就不顾及自己的妻子、恩佐，甚至也不顾及自己的母亲。他盯着莉拉，这时候，他的脸色有些发绿，他的动作变得很激动，他的话就像钩子一样，试图把莉拉的注意力吸引过来，因为她一直在和彼得罗说话。他说：“今天晚上，我们都在这里，在我哥哥的家里，首先是欢迎两位尊贵的教授，还有他们漂亮的女儿；其次是为我母亲祝寿，她是一个非常了不起的女人；第三是祝福埃莉莎，她很快会有一场美好的婚礼；第四，假如允许的话，我要庆祝一项协议的达成，我之前一直担心会无法达成这个协议，莉娜！过来，拜托了。”
But, with the audacity that had always
distinguished him, not giving a damn about his wife or Enzo or even his
mother, he stared at Lila while his face turned a greenish color and his
gestures became more agitated and his words served as a rope, dragging her
attention away from Pietro. Tonight, he said, we’re all here, at my brother’s
house, first to welcome as they deserve these two esteemed professors and
their beautiful children; second to celebrate my mother, the most blessed
woman, third to wish Elisa great happiness and, soon, a fine marriage;
fourth, if you will allow me, to toast an agreement that I was afraid would
never be made. Lina, please, come here.
莉娜。莉拉。
Lina. Lila.
我在搜寻着她的目光。我们目光交织的一刹那，我仿佛看到她在说：现在你明白这场游戏了吗，你记不记得怎么玩？然后，在我震惊的注视之下，这时候，恩佐盯着桌布，她很从容地站了起来，走到了米凯莱跟前。
I sought her gaze and she looked back for
a fraction of a second, a look that said: Now do you understand the game, you
remember how it works? Then, to my great surprise, while Enzo stared at an
indeterminate point on the tablecloth, she rose meekly and came over to
Michele.
他没有碰她，也没有触碰她的手，她的胳膊，一点儿都没有，就好像他们之间有一个刀刃，会伤害到他。他倒是把手指在我肩膀上放了几秒，依然对我说：“你不要生气，莱农，你很出色，你走得很远，你上了报纸，你是我们这些从小就认识你的人的骄傲。但是我确信你也同意我的看法，你一定也乐意我说出这些话，因为你也很爱她。莉娜脑子里有一种东西是别人没有的，是一种非常强大、有力的东西，跳来跳去，没有任何人能拦住，那是医生也看不到的，我觉得那是她本人也没法认识的东西。尽管她从小都有这个东西，但她没有认识到这一点，她不想认识到这一点，你们看看她现在的表情，多排斥！假如她不称心，可以给人造成很多麻烦，假如她愿意，她会让所有人目瞪口呆。好吧，她的这种特长，我有很长时间都想买了，是的，我想买，这也没什么不好，就像买珍珠、买钻石一样，但一直到目前为止，我都没有实现。但现在，我们已经向前迈了一步，小小的一步。今天晚上，我就是想庆祝迈出的这小小的一步：我聘用赛鲁罗太太在阿切拉建的数据处理中心工作。这是一个非常现代的东西，假如你感兴趣，莱农，假如教授感兴趣的话，明天或者你们出发前的任何一天，我都可以让你们参观一下。你怎么看，莉娜？”
He didn’t touch her. He didn’t touch a
hand, an arm, nothing, as if between them hung a blade that could wound him.
Instead he placed his fingers for several seconds on my shoulder and turned
to me again: You mustn’t be offended, Lenù, you’re smart, you’ve gone so far,
you’ve been in the newspapers, you’re the pride of us all who have known you
since you were a child. But—and I’m sure you agree, and you’ll be pleased if
I say it now, because you love her—Lina has something alive in her mind that
no one else has, something strong, that jumps here and there and nothing can
stop it, a thing that not even the doctors can see and that I think not even
she knows, even though it’s been there since she was born—she doesn’t know it
and doesn’t want to recognize it, look what a mean face she’s making right
now—a thing that, if it doesn’t like you can cause you a lot of problems but,
if it does, leaves everyone astonished. Well, for a long time I’ve wanted to
buy this distinctive aspect of her. Yes, buy, there’s nothing wrong, buy the
way you buy pearls, diamonds. But until now, unfortunately, it was
impossible. We’ve made just a small step forward, and it’s this small step
that I wish to celebrate tonight: I’ve hired Signora Cerullo to work in the
data-processing center that I’ve set up in Acerra, a very modern thing that
if it interests you, Lenù, if it interests the professor, I’ll take you to
visit tomorrow, or anyway before you leave. What do you say, Lina?
莉拉做了一个很厌烦的表情，她很不高兴地摇了摇头，盯着索拉拉太太说：“米凯莱一点儿也不懂计算机，他觉得我搞的东西特别了不起，但实际上很简单，只要上一个函授班就能行，我只有小学五年级水平，后来都学会了。”然后，她什么都没再说，她没有讥讽米凯莱，讥讽他自己想象出来的东西——就是在她脑子里，活生生的、跑来跑去的那个东西。我以为她会反驳呢，但她没有，她没有讥讽米凯莱说的关于珍珠、钻石的话。尤其是，她没有否认那些恭维话，她反倒让我们一起庆祝她受聘，就好像她真的天赋异禀。她让米凯莱继续赞美她，说明花那么多钱雇她，是很有道理的。这时候，彼得罗——在那些他认为低于自己的人中间，他总是会很自如——问都没问我就说，他很想去看看阿切拉的计算机中心。他让回到座位上的莉拉给他仔细讲讲和计算机有关的事儿。有那么一瞬间，我想，假如我给她时间的话，她会抢走我丈夫，就如同她抢走了尼诺一样，但我一点儿也没吃醋。假如发生这样的事情，那也是为了在我们之间，挖掘一条更深的鸿沟。我觉得，她不会喜欢彼得罗，而且彼得罗也不会因为另一个女人而背叛我。
Lila made an expression of disgust. She
shook her head unhappily and said, staring at Signora Solara: Michele doesn’t
understand anything about computers and I don’t know what he thinks that I
do, but it’s nonsense, it just takes a correspondence course, I learned it
even though I only went up to fifth grade in school. And she said nothing
else. She didn’t mock Michele, as I expected she would, because of that
tremendous image he had invented, the living thing that flowed in her mind.
She didn’t mock him for the pearls, the diamonds. Above all, she didn’t evade
the compliments. In fact she allowed us to toast her hiring as if she really
had been assumed into Heaven, she allowed Michele to continue to praise her,
justifying with his praise the salary he was paying her. And all while
Pietro, with that capacity of his for feeling at ease with people he
considered inferior, was already saying, without consulting me, that he would
very much like to visit the center in Acerra and he wanted to hear about it from
Lila, who had sat down again. I thought for a moment that if I gave her time
she would take away my husband as she had taken Nino from me. But I didn’t
feel jealous: if it happened it would happen only out of a desire to dig a
deeper furrow between us, I took it for granted that she couldn’t like Pietro
and that Pietro would never be capable of betraying me out of desire for
someone else.
但这时候，我却产生了另一种更加凌乱、难以厘清的情感。在我出生的地方，大家一直都认为，我是那个最有出息的姑娘，在当时的环境下，我很确信这是一件不容置疑的事儿。但米凯莱，就好像他要专门通过贬低我在城区，尤其是在我娘家的地位，让莉拉完全胜过我。他甚至希望我承认自己的黯淡，公开肯定我朋友那种无与伦比的能力。莉拉自己也很乐意地接受了这个结果，不仅如此，她还表示了配合，推动这个结果的产生，也许这是她自己设计、策划和组织的。假如在前几年，我还是那个小有名气的作家，这件事不会伤害到我，反倒会让我很高兴，但现在一切都结束了，我觉得很痛苦。我和我母亲交换了一下眼神，她皱着眉头，她脸上的表情，看起来好像是强忍着，才没扇我一个耳光。她希望我不要像往常那样，一副息事宁人的样子，她希望我做出回应，展示出我所知道的，一些上档次的东西，而不是阿切拉那里的雕虫小技。她的目光告诉我的就是这些，就像一个无声的命令，但我没有说话。曼努埃拉·索拉拉用一种很遭罪的目光看着周围，忽然说：“我觉得很热，你们没觉得吗？”
Another feeling, however, came over me, a
more tangled one. I was in the place where I was born, I had always been
considered the girl who had been most successful, I was convinced that it
was, at least in that place, an indisputable fact. Instead Michele, as if he
had deliberately organized my demotion in the neighborhood and in particular
in the midst of the family I came from, had contrived to make Lila overshadow
me, he had even wanted me to comply with my overshadowing by publicly
recognizing the incomparable power of my friend. And she had willingly agreed
to it. In fact, maybe she had even had a hand in the result, planning and
organizing it. If a few years earlier, when I had had my little success as a
writer, the thing wouldn’t have wounded me, in fact would have pleased me,
now that that was over I realized that I was suffering. I exchanged a look
with my mother. She was frowning, she had the expression she assumed when she
was struggling not to hit me. She wanted me not to pretend my usual meekness,
she wanted me to react, to show how much I knew, all the high-quality stuff,
not that nonsense of Acerra. She was saying it to me with her eyes, like a
mute command. But I said nothing. Suddenly Manuela Solara, darting glances of
impatience, exclaimed: I feel hot, don’t you all, too?
-*-
93
埃莉莎就像我母亲一样，她应该也无法容忍我失去自己的地位。我母亲沉默不语，但我妹妹这时候兴高采烈、声情并茂地对我说话，就是让我明白：我还是她最了不起的大姐，那个一直让她骄傲的姐姐。她说：“我要跟你说一件事。”她一下子跳到了另一个话题，依然是她常用的欢快语气：“你坐过飞机吗？”我说我没有。怎么可能呢？就是这样。结果是，在场的那些人，只有彼得罗坐过几次飞机，但他谈到这件事时，并不认为那是什么特别了不起的事儿。但对于埃莉莎，还有马尔切洛来说，那是非常神奇的体验。
Elisa, like my mother, could not tolerate my loss of prestige. But while my mother remained silent, she turned to me, radiant, affectionate, to let me know that I remained her extraordinary older sister, whom she would always be proud of. I have something to give you, she said, and added, jumping lightheartedly, as was her way, from one subject to another: Have you ever been in an airplane? I said no. Possible? Possible. It turned out that of those present only Pietro had flown, several times, but he spoke of it as if it were nothing much. Instead for Elisa it had been a wonderful experience, and also for Marcello.
他们去了德国，一方面是为了工作，同时也为了游玩。埃莉莎开始有些害怕，她能感觉到气流的冲击，一股冰冷的空气直冲脑门，最后她透过小窗子，看到了下面白色的云朵，还有上面蔚蓝色的天空。她发现，云朵之上一直都是好天气，从天上向下看，大地是绿色、蓝色和紫色的，经过山峰时，可以看到山顶皑皑的白雪。她问我：
They had gone to Germany, a long flight,
for reasons of work and pleasure. Elisa had been afraid at first, because of
the jolting and shaking, and a jet of cold air struck her right in the head
as if it were going to drill a hole. Then through the window she had seen
white clouds below and blue sky above. So she had discovered that above the
clouds there was always fine weather, and from high up the earth was all
green and blue and violet and shining with snow when they flew over the
mountains. She asked me:
“你猜猜，我们在杜塞尔多夫遇到谁了？”
“Guess who we met in Düsseldorf.”
我有些不悦地嘟囔了一句：
I said, unhappy with everything:
“我不知道，埃莉莎，你说吧。”
“I don’t know, Elisa, tell me.”
“安东尼奥。”
“Antonio.”
“啊。”
“Ah.”
“他交代了几次，让我向你问好。”
“He was very eager for me to send his
greetings.”
“他还好吧？”
“Is he well?”
“非常好，他让我给你带了一个礼物。”
“Very well. He gave me a gift for you.”
所以，这就是她要交给我的东西，是安东尼奥的礼物。她站了起来，跑去拿礼物了，马尔切洛饶有兴趣地看着我。彼得罗问：
So that was the thing she had for me, a
gift from Antonio. She got up and went to get it. Marcello looked at me with
a smile, Pietro asked:
“安东尼奥是谁啊？”
“Who is Antonio?”
“我们的一个员工。”马尔切洛说。
“An employee of ours,” said Marcello.
“您太太以前的一个男朋友。”米凯莱笑着说，“现在社会风气变了，教授，现在的女人有很多男朋友，她们比男人还爱炫耀。您有过几个女朋友？”
“A boyfriend of your wife,” said Michele,
laughing. “Times have changed, Professò, today women have a lot of boyfriends
and they boast about it much more than men. How many girlfriends have you
had?”
彼得罗非常严肃地说：
Pietro said seriously:
“我没有别的女朋友，我只爱过我妻子。”
“None, I’ve loved only my wife.”
“说谎，”米凯莱大声地开玩笑说，“我可以告诉您，我有过多少个女朋友吗？”
“Liar,” Michele exclaimed, in great
amusement. “Can I whisper to you how many girlfriends I’ve had?”
他站了起来，在吉耀拉非常厌烦的目光的注视下，走到我丈夫身后，对他嘀咕了一句什么。
He got up and, followed by Gigliola’s
look of disgust, stood behind my husband, whispered to him.
“太难以置信了。”彼得罗带着一丝戏谑感叹说，大家都笑了起来。
“Incredible,” Pietro exclaimed,
cautiously ironic. They laughed together.
埃莉莎回来了，她把一个用包装纸包得严严实实的包裹递给我。
Meanwhile Elisa returned, she handed me a
package wrapped in packing paper.
“打开看看吧。”
“Open it.”
“你知道里面是什么吗？”我有些不安地问。
“Do you know what’s in it?” I asked,
puzzled.
“我们俩都知道，”马尔切洛说，“但我们希望给你一个惊喜。”
“We both know,” said Marcello, “but we
hope you don’t.”
我把包装纸打开。我意识到，让我打开包装纸时，所有人的眼睛都看着我。尤其是莉拉，她非常警惕地斜着眼瞄着我，就好像她担心包裹里会跳出来一条蛇。当大家发现，安东尼奥——疯女人梅丽娜的儿子，一个非常暴力的小伙子，索拉拉家的半个仆人，我青春期的男朋友，他几乎是个半文盲——他没有送我什么让人想起过去时光的、令人感动的、美好的东西，而只是一本书时，他们看上去都有些失望，但他们看到我的脸色变了，我带着一种无法掩饰的喜悦看着那本书的封面。那不是随便一本什么书，那是我的书，那是我的小说的德语版本，在意大利出版了六年之后才得以出版。我第一次上演了一场精彩的节目——是的，非常精彩的节目——我写的那些话，通过另一种语言出现在我眼皮底下。
I unwrapped the package. I realized, as I
did, that they were all watching me. Lila looked at me sideways, intent, as
if she expected a snake to dart out. When they saw that Antonio, the son of
crazy Melina, the illiterate and violent servant of the Solaras, my boyfriend
in adolescence, had sent me as a gift nothing wonderful, nothing moving,
nothing that alluded to times past, but only a book, they seemed
disappointed. Then they noticed that I had changed color, that I was looking
at the cover with a joy I couldn’t control. It wasn’t just any book. It was
my book. It was the German translation of my novel, six years after its
publication in Italy. For the first time I was present at the spectacle—yes,
a spectacle—of my words dancing before my eyes in a foreign language.
“你一点儿都不知道吗？”埃莉莎非常幸福地问。
“You didn’t know about it?” Elisa asked,
happy.
“不知道。”
“No.”
“你高兴吗？”
“And you’re pleased?”
“我太高兴了。”
“Very pleased.”
我妹妹非常自豪地对所有人宣布：
My sister announced to everyone proudly:
“那是莱农写的小说，是德语版本的。”
“It’s the novel Lenuccia wrote, but with
German words.”
我母亲脸色变得通红，她扬眉吐气地说：
And my mother, reddening in return, said:
“你们看看，她现在多有名？”
“You see how famous she is?”
吉耀拉拿过那本书，翻阅了一下，充满崇拜地说了一句：唯一能看懂的是埃莱娜·格雷科这个名字。这时候，莉拉把手伸过来，动作有些强硬，示意吉耀拉让她看看。我在她的眼睛里看到了好奇，她渴望触摸到那本书，渴望看看那种把我的话传递到遥远地方的陌生语言。我看到，她热切地想得到那个物件——那种热切我很熟悉，那是她从小都有的，这让我很动情。但吉耀拉非常粗暴地躲开了，让她没能取走那本书。她说：
Gigliola took the book, paged through it,
said admiringly: the only thing I can understand is Elena Greco. Lila then
reached out her hand in an imperative way, indicating that she wanted it. I
saw in her eyes curiosity, the desire to touch and look at and read the
unknown language that contained me and had transported me far away. I saw in
her the urgency for that object, an urgency that I recognized, she had had it
as a child, and it softened me. But Gigliola started angrily, she pulled the
book away so that Lila couldn’t take it, and said:
“等一下，让我先看一下，连德语你也会吗？”莉拉把手抽了回去，她摇了摇头。这时候，吉耀拉大声说：“那别烦人了，让我先看看。我想好好看看莱农的成果，看看她的本事。”在一阵沉默中，她把书拿在手上，很满意地看了起来，她一页一页地翻阅着那本书，非常缓慢，就好像这里看几句，那里看几行。最后，她把书还给我，用一种喝多了酒、含混的声音对我说：“真厉害，莱农，书很好，你丈夫孩子也很棒，恭喜恭喜。我想着，只有我们认识你，但其实德国人都认识你了。你现在拥有的这一切，都是你该拥有的。你吃了苦才得到这些，没有伤害任何人，也没有抢别人的男人，谢谢，现在我该回家了，晚安。”
“Wait, I have it now. What is it, you
know German?” And Lila withdrew her hand, shook her head no, and Gigliola
exclaimed: “Then don’t be a pain in the ass, let me look: I want to see what
Lenuccia was able to do.” In the general silence, she turned the book over
and over in her hands with satisfaction. She leafed through the pages one
after another, slowly, as if she were reading a few lines here, a few there.
Finally, her voice thickened by the wine, she said, handing it to me: “Bravo,
Lenù, compliments for everything, the book, the husband, the children. You
might think that we’re the only ones who know you and instead even the
Germans do. What you have, you deserve, you got it with hard work, without
hurting anyone, without bullshitting with other people’s husbands. Thank you,
now I really have to go, good night.”
她喘着气，很艰难地站了起来，她喝了酒，身子更重了。她对两个儿子吼道：“你们快点儿！”但他们不愿意走，大一点儿的孩子用方言说了句什么脏话，她抬起手就是一个耳光，并把他拉到了门口。米凯莱面带微笑地摇了摇头，嘟囔了一句：“你们看，我跟这个烂婆娘过的这啥日子，她总是会毁掉我的好心情。”这时候，他不紧不慢地说：“等一下，吉耀，你要去哪儿？我们先要尝尝你父亲做的甜食，然后再回家。”听到父亲的话，两个孩子一下来了精神，他们挣脱了母亲的手，回到桌子前。吉耀拉继续待在门口，她很气愤地说：“我一个人回去，我不舒服。”但这时候，米凯莱用一种强硬暴戾的声音说：“你马上过来，坐下！”这时候吉耀拉的动作僵住了，就好像他的话让她的腿动不了了。埃莉莎一下子站起来说：“来吧，陪我去拿甜点。”她拉住吉耀拉的一条胳膊，把她拉到了厨房。我用眼睛看着黛黛，想让她不要害怕，米凯莱的吼叫让她很惊恐。这时候，我把书递给了莉拉，我对她说：“你要看吗？”她示意说不用了，脸上带着一副无所谓的表情。
She struggled to get up, sighing, she had
become even heavier, because of the wine. She yelled at the children: Hurry
up, and they protested, the older said something vulgar in dialect, she
slapped him and dragged him toward the door. Michele shook his head with a
smile on his face, he muttered: I’ve had a rough time with that bitch, she
always has to ruin my day. Then he said calmly: Wait, Gigliò, what’s your
hurry, first we have to eat your father’s dessert, then we’ll go. And the
children, in a flash, fortified by their father’s words, slipped away and
returned to the table. Gigliola, instead, continued with her heavy tread
toward the door, saying in irritation: I’ll go by myself, I don’t feel well.
But at that point Michele shouted at her in a loud voice, charged with
violence: Sit down right now, and she stopped as if the words had paralyzed
her legs. Elisa jumped up and said softly, Come, help me get the cake. She
took her by the arm, pulled her toward the kitchen. I reassured Dede with a
look, she was frightened by Michele’s shouting. Then I held out the book to
Lila, saying: Do you want to see? She shook her head with an expression of
indifference.
-*-
94
“这是什么地方啊？我们怎么会跑到这儿来了？”把两个女儿哄睡着之后，我们进到埃莉莎给我们安排的房间里，把门关上，彼得罗半是开玩笑半是震惊地问我。他指的是晚上那些最让人难以置信的时刻，但我对他恶语相向，我们小声吵了一架。我生他的气，生所有人的气，也生我自己的气。在我混乱的情感中，我期望莉拉会生病死去的念头又冒了出来。那不是因为仇恨，我还是最爱她，我没办法对她产生仇恨，但我没法承受她抽身而出之后留下的那种虚空。我对彼得罗说，你怎么能答应他们把行李拿到这里来，说我们要住在这个家里？他说：“我不知道他们是什么人。”“不知道？”我狠狠地对他说，“那是因为你从来都没听过我说话，我从开始就告诉了你我的出身。”
“Where have we ended up?” Pietro asked,
half outraged and half amused, when, once the children had been put to bed,
we closed the door of the room that Elisa had given us. He wanted to joke
about the more incredible moments of the evening, but I attacked him, we
quarreled in low voices. I was angry with him, with everyone, with myself.
From the chaotic feeling I had inside, the desire that Lila would get sick
and die was re-emerging. Not out of hatred, I loved her more and more, I
wouldn’t have been capable of hating her. But I couldn’t bear the emptiness
of her evasion. How could you possibly, I asked Pietro, agree to let them
take our bags, bring them here, give them the authority to move us to this
house? And he: I didn’t know what sort of people they were. No, I hissed,
it’s that you’ve never listened to me, I’ve always told you where I come
from.
我们吵了很久，我尽量想平静下来，我说了很多他的不是。我说他脸皮太薄，任人摆布，他只能对付知识分子的环境，还有那些有教养的人。我说我再也不相信他了，我也不相信他母亲了，为什么我的书在德国出版了两年了，出版社什么都没跟我说，说不定在其他国家也出版了，但是我一点儿也不知道，我要把这件事情搞清楚，诸如此类。为了让我消气，他说他同意我的话，让我第二天早上就打电话给他母亲，还有我的出版社。最后他坦白说，他很喜爱我出生和成长的环境——他称之为平民的生活环境。他说，我母亲是一个慷慨而且非常聪明的女性，他还说了我父亲、埃莉莎、吉耀拉和恩佐很多好话。忽然他话题一转，谈到了索拉拉兄弟，他说他们是两个地痞流氓，两个信口雌黄的恶棍。最后他说到了莉拉，他轻声说：“她是最让我不安的一个人。”我忍不住爆发了，我说，我发现了你整个晚上都在和她说话。但彼得罗很有力地摇了摇头，让我惊异的是，他解释说，他觉得，莉拉是所有人里最坏的。他说，她根本就不是我的朋友，她其实很痛恨我，她是那么聪明迷人，但她的聪明没用对地方，那是一种邪恶的聪明，会在生活里埋下混乱的种子。她的魅力是最让人难以忍受的，就是那种让人毁灭的力量，真的是这样的。
We talked for a long time, he tried to
soothe me, I berated him. I said he had been too timid, that he had been put
upon, that he knew how to insist only with the well-*-up people of his world,
that I no longer trusted him, that I didn’t even trust his mother, how could
it be that my book had come out in Germany two years ago and the publisher
had said nothing about it, what other countries had it been published in
without my knowing, I wanted to get to the bottom of it, et cetera et cetera.
To make me feel better, he agreed, and urged me to telephone his mother and
the publisher the next morning. Then he declared a great liking for what he
called the working-*-talking criminals. And finally he came to Lila. He said
softly: It’s she who disturbed me most. I noticed, I snapped, you talked to
her the whole evening. Pietro shook his head energetically, he explained,
surprisingly, that Lila had seemed to him the worst person. He said that she
wasn’t at all my friend, that she hated me, that she was extraordinarily
intelligent, that she was very fascinating, but her intelligence had been put
to bad use—it was the evil intelligence that sows discord and hates life—and
her fascination was the more intolerable, the fascination that enslaves and
drives a person to ruin. Just like that.
刚开始，听他说这些，我假装不同意他的说法，但我其实心里很高兴。因此，我刚才看走眼了，在彼得罗面前，莉拉没办法施展她的魅力，他是受过训练的男人：他能在任何文本里看到潜文本，他很容易就能觉察到她的另一面。但很快，我觉得他有些夸张了。他说：“我无法明白，你们的关系怎么能这么持久，很明显，你们都在精心经营这段关系，你们把可能毁掉这段关系的事情都隐藏起来了。”他补充说：“要么你根本就不了解她，这是最让人担心的事儿。”最后，他说出了最难听的话：“她和那个米凯莱简直是天造地设的一对儿，假如他们现在还不是情人，他们迟早会成为情人。”这时候，我受不了了。我说，我受不了他那种资产阶级知识分子的语气。我说，他最好不要再这样说我的朋友，因为他什么都不懂。当我说这些话时，我察觉到了他到那时候为止还没有意识到的事情：莉拉深深地吸引了他。彼得罗已经觉察到了那种与众不同，他现在很害怕，所以急需贬低她。我觉得，他不是担心自己，而是担心我，还有我们的夫妻关系。他担心，即使在远处，莉拉也能把我从他身边夺走，会把我们毁掉。为了保护我，他变得言过其实，他诋毁莉拉，但有些混乱，他想让我讨厌莉拉，让我把她从我的生活中清除出去。我嘀咕了一句晚安，转向另一边睡了。
At first I pretended to disagree, but in
fact I was pleased. I had been wrong then, Lila hadn’t affected him, Pietro
was a man practiced in perceiving the subtext of every text and had easily
picked up her unpleasant aspects. But soon it seemed to me that he was
overdoing it. He said: I don’t understand how your relationship could have
lasted so long, obviously you’ve carefully hidden from each other anything
that could rupture it. And he added: either I haven’t understood anything
about her—and it’s likely, I don’t know her—or I haven’t understood anything
about you, and that is more upsetting. Finally he said the ugliest words: She
and that Michele are made for each other, if they aren’t already lovers they
will be. Then I revolted. I hissed that I couldn’t bear his pedantic
overeducated bourgeois tone, that he must never again speak of my friend in
that way, that he hadn’t understood anything. And as I was speaking I seemed
to perceive something that at that moment not even he knew: Lila had affected
him, seriously; Pietro had grasped her exceptionality so well that he was
frightened by it and now felt the need to vilify her. He was afraid not for
himself, I think, but for me and for our relationship. He was afraid that,
even at a distance, she would tear me away from him, destroy us. And to
protect me he overdid it, he slandered her, in a confused way he wanted me to
be disgusted by her and expel her from my life. I whispered good night, and
turned the other way.
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