坏婚姻让你腐烂 /Did the Bad Marriage Ro

终于完成豆子女士的这篇文章的翻译工作，自己在放下这么多年后重新学习英语，第一次尝试翻译文章，对于我来说已经是一个宏大的工程了，攒了近两周才完成，仅此一篇，就发现自己在英语学习中的许多问题，当然困难重重下也不乏乐趣，希望自己能坚持下去。原文及翻贴如下，供各路高手批评指正。

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（以下是原文和翻译内容，请不吝赐教)

这样的文章应该说阅读量挺大的，初看也觉得蛮有道理，尤其是那些过着并不如意婚姻生活的人，读来该是头如捣蒜，呃呃不能再同意吧。

The articles like this should have been read in a quite big quantity. In the first glance,its look like very reasonable, especially by the people who live in an unsatisfied marriage, and at that time,they should have nodded their head and couldn't agree more.

可是仔细想一下，好像这里面有个概念错误，仿佛婚姻与自己是两个独立的个体，谁遇到谁便怎样，可是婚姻不是两个人共同建立的吗，而婚姻走到哪一步，不管是好的还是坏的，起码要各负一半的责任，有的婚姻甚至自己负责要更多，这个很难量化。

But if we think about it carefully, there appears a conceptual mistake, as if marriage and ourselves are two separate individuals, someone meets another one and then they will be.However marriage is a combination of two persons, isn’t it? And no matter where marriage goes to, whether it's good or bad,any part in the marriage has a half responsibility, sometimes even more. It’s hard to quantify.

也就是说，婚姻的好与坏你要负一半甚至一半以上的责任，怎么叫你遇到坏婚姻？

That is to say,no matter good or bad in marriage, we have a half or more responsibility.So,how can you say that you meet a bad marriage?

另外，在这文章里举的例子是如果你不够好，遇到更好的会把你影像的更好的句子。诚然，如果你的伴侣足够优秀可以对你有很多积极的影响不假，可是为什么我们会一厢情愿的要求别人足够好影响带动我们，为什么不是我们足够好影响对方那，这样的想象是不是推卸责任？是不是把自己提高的责任压到别人肩上？我不够好，是因为你不好，因为你不好，所以我遇到的是坏的婚姻，这是不是一种婴儿的全能自恋？如果自己不能担负自己成长的责任，怎么在婚姻遇到问题时帮助对方？你的配偶难道是一个完美到何时何地任何年龄情况下都不会脆弱不犯错误的完人吗？退一步讲，如果他是，你是否足够好能配的上他？

In addition, the example in the article is that if you're not good enough,you’ll still have the chance to be affected and become better when you meet a good another.Of course, if your marital partner is good enough to you, he or she can give you a lot of positive affections.But why you tend to ask others to be good enough to influence you?Why shouldn’t be yourself?You become the good one to affect others. Is that the imagination which to shirk responsibility? Is it put the pressure of improvement to other's shoulders? "I'm not good enough, because you are not good,then because you are not good, so I meet a bad marriage".that is a baby's narcissism,isn't it? If you can not grow up by your own responsibility,how to help another one when problems happened in your marriage?Is your spouse a perfect one who isn’t fragile and not make any mistake in anytime and anywhere? Or on the other way, if he or she is that perfect one,are you good enough for matching ?

坏婚姻让你腐烂 /Did the Bad Marriage Rot You

我们在评价自己伴侣时经常进入这样的误区：我当初怎么会找了他，我一定是上当了。这也是一种全能自恋，就是我对于这个结果不负责任，都是别人骗我的，我是无辜又可怜的。错!你当初和谁在一起是你自己的意愿，也就是说，当时当地你做出最有利自己的选择，如果当初“被骗”，也是“受骗”满足了你当时的心理需要而已，你的责任。

We often make the mistakes when we evaluate our partner like this:“How could I find him or her, I must be cheated". This is also a kind of universal narcissism,and means that "I can be irresponsible for this result,I am tricked,and I am innocent and poor.” But that’s wrong! Being together with somebody was your own will at the beginning, that is to say, you made the best choice at that time and in the conditions,if you had been cheated,that was the psychological needs for you by that cheat,it was your fault.

那么我们要怎样担负起婚姻的责任那，只能是提高自己内在的能力，首先在心理上成长为可以为自己行为负责的成年人，然后找寻自己的成长机会，丰富自己，成为自己。婚姻需要经营，两个人都有责任，但是如果你是那个心理上成熟一点的，你可以帮助你的伴侣走出阴影也是很好的事。肉烂在自家锅里，分什么你的我的，只是，我们不要让自己变成在锅边哀哀待哺的孩子，对方不添柴，我就吃不上饭，因为我没找到一口好锅啊，我好可怜。

So,how should we undertake the responsibility of our marriages?The only way is to improve our own internal ability. First,grow up to be adults who can take the responsibility of our behaviors on the psychological way, and then find our opportunities for growth, enrich ourselves, be yourself. Marriage needs the management, it is the responsibility of two people, if you are the maturer one in psychological sense,it’s a good thing while you can help your partner walk out of the shadow.Cooking meats in a pot,how can you know which is yours and which is mine.The point is that we can’t allow ourselves becoming a kid who want to be fed, and consider that“if my partner don’t cook,I will have nothing to eat,I am so poor!”

去找些柴来吧，一起烧热这口锅，温暖的家的锅。

Therefore,find some wood,cook together and warm your home now.