The negative thoughts are bothering me. I can either confront the people that make me feel guilty, or try to drive them out of my thoughts whenever I need to. Obviously, the second option involves a lot of bad feelings and difficulties, whereas the first is the right thing to do and will take a lot of pressure away. Then what is stopping me? Probably the thought that I've let them down, and the fear of making a commitment and not following through. What I want is to have something worked out, at least a first draft, and then make a realistic promise. Being a flake is such a frustration both for me and for the other parties involved.
Once I straighten out the motivation behind my behavior, my heart feels a lot lighter. There is good reason behind my ostensibly inexplicable and inappropriate behavior. So, the conclusion is that the leading cause of me postponing contact with my "creditor" is that I want to come up with a somewhat sketchy product and go to them for help, instead of facing them empty-handed, shamelessly. I want to do some work of my own. That's why. So, do it. I'm sure that they will understand.
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