March 7:贪嗔时知道

I was sitting chewing betel leaf amid the hillside greenery and watching the world go by when I suddenly became aware that my mind was full of what I wanted and couldn't get, and what I didn't want but continued to get. I could see the chaos in my mind, and through this chaos it became obvious to me that desire and aversion were just the one defilement. They were a continuum and were unable to be separated, backwards and forwards, up and down continual movements of the one defilement. I could now see that the key to stability in my mind was to be at the point of balance where there was no movement, just awareness of movement at those extremes. This was a very important lesson for me. What came to mind while I was sitting there was that I didn't want to die without having lived a good and wholesome life.

我曾在半山腰的草丛中坐着嚼着篓叶，看着眼前的世界突然意识到心中满是想要却得不到，不想要却不得不要的东西。我能看到心中的混乱，穿过混乱也能明显看到贪爱和嗔恨就是那个烦恼。它们是一种连续体而不能分开，贪爱和嗔恨实际上是那烦恼的上下前后的连续移动。我现在明白让心稳定的关键是置其于没有移动的平衡点，在其移动时只是保持觉知。这对我来说是及其重要的一课。坐在那儿的时候我在想，还没过上真善美的日子，我可不想死。