Few of us can escape being neurotic or character disordered to at least some degree(which is why essentially everyone can benefit from psychotherapy if he or she is seriously willing to participate in the process).The reason for this is that the problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not resposible for in this life is one of the greatest problems of human existence.It is never completely solved;for the entirely of our lives we must continually assess and reassess where our responsibilities lie in the every-changing course of events.Nor is this assessment and reassessment painless if performed adequately and conscientiously.To perform either process adequately we must possess the willingness and the capacity to suffer continual self-examination.And such capacity or willingness is not inherent in any of us.In a sense all children have character disorders,in that their instinctual tendency is to deny their responsibility for many conflicts in which they find themselves.Thus two siblings fighting will always blame each other for initiating the fight and each will totally deny that he or she may have been the culprit.Similarly,all children have neuroses,in that they will instinctually assume responsibility for certain deprivations that they experience but do not yet understand.Thus the child who is not loved by his parents will always assume himself or herself to be unlovable rather than see the parents as deficient in their capacity to love.Or early adolescents who are not yet successful at dating or at sports will see themselves as seriously deficient human beings rather than the late or even average but perfectly adequate bloomers they usually are.It is only through a vast amount of experience and a lengthy and successful maturation that we gain the capacity to see the world and our place in it realistically,and thus are enabled to realistically assess our responsibility for ourselves and the world.
我们中的极少数能逃脱成为至少某种程度上的神经质的或性格紊乱的（这就是为什么基本上每个人都能从心理治疗中受益如果他或她非常愿意参与这个过程）。原因是区分我们是什么和我们这辈子对什么不负责的问题是人类存在的最大问题之一。它永远不会被完全解决；在我们的一生中，我们必须不断地评估和重新评估我们的责任在事件的每一个变化过程中。这种评估和重新评估也不是没有痛苦的如果充分和认真地执行的话。为了充分执行任一过程我们必须有承受不断自我检查的意愿和能力。这种能力或意愿不是我们任何人固有的。从某种意义上说，所有的孩子都有性格障碍，他们本能的倾向是否认他们发现自己的许多冲突负有责任。因此两个同胞兄弟姐妹打架总是会互相指责对方先挑起这场争斗而且每个人都会完全否认他或她可能是罪魁祸首。同样，所有的孩子都有神经衰弱，因为他们会本能地为他们经历过但还不明白的某些剥夺承担责任。因此不被父母所爱的这个孩子总会认为是自己不可爱而不是认为父母缺乏爱的能力。或者在约会或运动方面还不成功的青少年会认为自己是严重缺陷的人而不是他们通常是大器晚成的人或者甚至是普通的但完全足够优秀的人。只有通过大量的经验和冗长而成功的成熟过程然后我们才有能力看到这个世界和我们在其中所处的现实的位置，从而能够现实地评估我们对自己和世界的责任。
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