6 harsh truths that will make you a better person
翻譯者：Alex Liu
本文採用句意翻譯，並非逐字翻譯。
By: David Wong December 17, 2012 8,554,481 views
如果你的事業一帆風順，你的生活充滿刺激，然後你的感情也很美滿，你可以隨時停止閱讀此篇文章。好好享受你與朋友的每一天，這篇文章不是給你的。你做的很棒，我們都以你為榮。為了不讓這樣的你感覺點進來一無所獲，我給你提供了一張歡樂的圖片。
Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you're thrilled with your life and you're happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You're doing a great job, we're all proud of you. So you don't feel like you wasted your click, here's a picture of Lenny Kravitz wearing a gigantic scarf.
但是對於那些不是這樣生活的人，我想讓你嘗試一件事：列舉五個你最令人敬佩的事。把它們寫下來，或者乾脆大聲在房間裡念出來。但有一個條件—你不能列舉出任何跟你品德有關的事（像是我是個誠實的人，我很溫柔，或我是個好人），你只能列舉出你實際做過的事（像是我贏過全國西洋棋比賽，我做的辣椒是全市裡最棒的）。如果你發覺這很難，好吧，這篇文章就是為你而寫的。你肯定會非常厭惡我接下來要說的話。我唯一想為自己辯護的是，這些話如果有人能在二十年或是更早以前就告訴我那該有多好。
For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here's the catch -- you're not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I'm a nice guy, I'm honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.
第一點 這世界只關心它能從你這裡獲得什麼
就讓我們假設你的摯愛被槍擊，他/她躺在街上邊流著血邊尖叫。有個路人跑向你說道：「借過。」路人仔細查看你愛人的傷口，然後掏出一把彈簧刀，這時你意識到路人想在大街上做手術。
#6. The World Only Cares About What It Can Get from You
Let's say that the person you love the most has just been shot. He or she is lying in the street, bleeding and screaming. A guy rushes up and says, "Step aside." He looks over your loved one's bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife -- he's going to operate right there in the street.
「你是醫生嗎？」你問路人。
他說不是。
「但你應該很清楚你在做什麼對吧？你是退休的軍醫還是⋯⋯」
說到一半，你發現路人臉上透露出非常厭煩的神情。路人告訴你，他是個好人、他很誠實並且從不遲到。他告訴你他很孝順，並且有一堆生活愛好。他還很自豪地表示自己沒說過髒話。
現在你滿臉上黑人問號，你告訴他：「你說的這些對救我還在流血的愛人有他媽毛線關係？我現在需要的是一個懂得做取子彈手術的人！你到底能不能行？」
路人聽完後變得非常焦慮，他質問你為什麼這樣膚淺跟自私？為啥你一點不在乎他的其他優點？難道你沒有聽到他永遠記得他女友的生日？他有這麼多優點，為啥你只在意他是不是能做手術？
在這瘋狂的時刻，你會用你沾滿鮮血的雙手用力搖著路人的肩膀吼道：「對！你他媽這些優點關我毛事？我現在只需要一個能止血的人，神經病！」
「我沒明白。如果我穿上白大褂是不是有些幫助，你等等，我現在就⋯⋯」
所以這就是我要告訴你的殘酷事實：你其實就活在上面那種情況裡。只不過你是那個拿著彈簧刀的迷之路人，而世界是那個被槍擊的受害者。
"OK, which one is the injured one?"
You ask, "Are you a doctor?"
The guy says, "No."
You say, "But you know what you're doing, right? You're an old Army medic, or ..."
At this point the guy becomes annoyed. He tells you that he is a nice guy, he is honest, he is always on time. He tells you that he is a great son to his mother and has a rich life full of fulfilling hobbies, and he boasts that he never uses foul language.
Confused, you say, "How does any of that fucking matter when my (wife/husband/best friend/parent) is lying here bleeding! I need somebody who knows how to operate on bullet wounds! Can you do that or not?!?"
Now the man becomes agitated -- why are you being shallow and selfish? Do you not care about any of his other good qualities? Didn't you just hear him say that he always remembers his girlfriend's birthday? In light of all of the good things he does, does it really matter if he knows how to perform surgery?
In that panicked moment, you will take your bloody hands and shake him by the shoulders, screaming, "Yes, I'm saying that none of that other shit matters, because in this specific situation, I just need somebody who can stop the bleeding, you crazy fucking asshole."
"I don't get it. Would it help if I put on a lab jacket? Here, one sec, let me just ..."
So here is my terrible truth about the adult world: You are in that very situation every single day. Only you are the confused guy with the pocket knife. All of society is the bleeding gunshot victim.
如果你想知道為什麼社會大眾對你不屑，或者為何你沒有得到一丁點尊重，這是因為社會上全都是索取者。他們需要有人蓋房子，他們需要有人來做飯，他們需要八卦消遣，他們想要跟人啪啪啪。你一出生就成為這個互相索取的世界中的一員。
If you want to know why society seems to shun you, or why you seem to get no respect, it's because society is full of people who need things. They need houses built, they need food to eat, they need entertainment, they need fulfilling sexual relationships. You arrived at the scene of that emergency, holding your pocket knife, by virtue of your birth -- the moment you came into the world, you became part of a system designed purely to see to people's needs.
你彷彿回到那個有人中槍的危急情況，握著你的彈簧刀，世界對你說：「你他媽一點忙都幫不上，給我滾開！」
不管你多麼善良、大方和禮貌，你要嘛就去學習一個專業技能，要嘛世界就會拒絕你。然後你會變得貧窮和孤僻，你會被世界所遺棄。
所以這代表我們應該變得刻薄、粗魯和物質，愛與溫柔根本不重要嗎？不，它們當然重要。但前提是這份愛有人渴求，並且只有你才能滿足對方。
"Here's that shit you needed. Now fuck off."
Either you will go about the task of seeing to those needs by learning a unique set of skills, or the world will reject you, no matter how kind, giving and polite you are. You will be poor, you will be alone, you will be left out in the cold.
Does that seem mean, or crass, or materialistic? What about love and kindness -- don't those things matter? Of course. As long as they result in you doing things for people that they can't get elsewhere. For you see ...
第二點 嬉皮士是錯的
Glengarry Glen Ross (拜金一族大亨游戏)_腾讯视频
為了那些不想用流量看影片的人，這影片的內容是關於一場Alec Baldwin在《拜金一族》裡的一段表演。他演的角色—你可以把他當成反派，來到一個滿是銷售員的房間，並且告訴他們如果他們沒辦法搞定訂單，就全都要被解僱。
「好人？那又怎樣？好父親？操NM！回家跟孩子們一起玩泥巴吧。如果你想要工作，給我去接近客戶！」
感覺非常殘忍、粗魯和邊緣反社會吧，但這又很真實又精確地描繪出這世界對你有什麼樣的期望。唯一的區別是，這世界對你已經絕望，與其告訴你怎麼做還不如直接把你解僱。
#5. The Hippies Were Wrong
For those of you who can't watch videos, it's the famous speech Alec Baldwin gives in the cinematic masterpiece Glengarry Glenn Ross. Baldwin's character -- whom you assume is the villain -- addresses a room full of dudes and tears them a new asshole, telling them that they're all about to be fired unless they "close" the sales they've been assigned:
"Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. If you want to work here, close."
It's brutal, rude and borderline sociopathic, and also it is an honest and accurate expression of what the world is going to expect from you. The difference is that, in the real world, people consider it so wrong to talk to you that way that they've decided it's better to simply let you keep failing.
"First graders, welcome to Mr. Baldwin's third period art class -- is everyone here? Well, I'm goin' anyway."
這個電影場景改變了我的人生。如果我知道怎麼做的話，我會把這段演出當成我每天的鬧鐘聲。Alec Baldwin甚至被提名奧斯卡，即使他在整部電影裡就出現這一幕而已。就像聰明人早就指出的，這段發言精彩的地方在於，一半的人會想「天啊，如果我有這樣的一個混蛋老闆怎麼辦？」另一半的人則會想「說的他媽對極了！我現在就立刻工作去！」
That scene changed my life. I'd program my alarm clock to play it for me every morning if I knew how. Alec Baldwin was nominated for an Oscar for that movie and that's the only scene he's in. As smarter people have pointed out, the genius of that speech is that half of the people who watch it think that the point of the scene is "Wow, what must it be like to have such an asshole boss?" and the other half think, "Fuck yes, let's go out and sell some goddamned real estate!"
或者，最近有個精神病學者的博客寫到：「如果你在那個房間裡面，你們有一部分的人會明白這是工作，並從那段發言中獲取能量，就像是球隊教練咒罵你，你會覺得教練說的一點沒錯！另外一部分人會當成人身攻擊，這傢伙是個混蛋，他根本沒資格跟我說這種話，或者按照心理學的基本反應—當自戀者面臨更大外在權力時，他們傾向在幻想中找取證據來證明對方只是個偽君子。」（alex:你們聯想一下阿Q正傳就明白了）
Or, as the Last Psychiatrist blog put it:
"If you were in that room, some of you would understand this as a work, but feed off the energy of the message anyway, welcome the coach's cursing at you, 'this guy is awesome!'; while some of you would take it personally, this guy is a jerk, you have no right to talk to me like that, or -- the standard maneuver when narcissism is confronted with a greater power -- quietly seethe and fantasize about finding information that will out him as a hypocrite. So satisfying."
「我發誓，如果他敢對我髮型有什麼意見，我一定會狠狠甩他一巴掌⋯⋯是的，先生，我在聽。非常抱歉。」以上節選自一篇評論『文藝青年』(註1)的文章，裡面解釋為什麼文青難以找到工作。文中提到能否找到工作就取決於兩種態度，受刺激還是受激勵。舉個例子，有人會用搏擊俱樂部裡Tyler Durden的台詞：「你的工作不能代表你。」來反駁。但實際上，工作完全可以代表你。當然，你的工作跟你工作的方式不是一件事，但其實在這兩件事裡面，你只是有用的技能的綜合體罷了。就像當媽媽是職業，當一個好媽媽是職業+技能。技能就是一個人能為社會中其他人提供的有用服務。但別搞錯了，你的職責—為其他人提供有用的服務—這就是你的全部。
註1.hipster這個詞我覺得最符合國內說法的就是文藝青年，貶意詞。他們通常出身富裕，喜歡喝酒、抽煙、聽小眾音樂、留鬍子或長髮。熱愛文學和藝術，會創作。具有懷舊和反叛精神，有意與主流保持對立。還有他們絕對不會歸類自己是哪種人，以及他們通常都沒工作。
"I swear, if he mentions my hair, I'll slap his face so har- Yes, sir, I'm listening. I'm sorry."
That excerpt is from an insightful critique of "hipsters" and why they seem to have so much trouble getting jobs (that doesn't begin to do it justice, go read the whole thing), and the point is that the difference in those two attitudes -- bitter vs. motivated -- largely determines whether or not you'll succeed in the world. For instance, some people want to respond to that speech with Tyler Durden's line from Fight Club: "You are not your job."
But, well, actually, you totally are. Granted, your "job" and your means of employment might not be the same thing, but in both cases you are nothing more than the sum total of your useful skills. For instance, being a good mother is a job that requires a skill. It's something a person can do that is useful to other members of society. But make no mistake: Your "job" -- the useful thing you do for other people -- is all you are.
這就是為什麼外科醫生比喜劇作家獲得更多尊敬，這就是為什麼修理工比沒工作的文青獲得更多尊敬。如果你的死能讓新聞報導，代表你的職業已經成為你的標籤。搏擊俱樂部的Tyley說：「你的工作不能代表你。」但他其實創辦了一家成功的肥皂公司，並且還是社會運動的領導人。他完全可以等於他的職業。許多人看完電影都沒注意到，這其實是種諷刺。
There is a reason why surgeons get more respect than comedy writers. There is a reason mechanics get more respect than unemployed hipsters. There is a reason your job will become your label if your death makes the news ("NFL Linebacker Dies in Murder/Suicide"). Tyler said, "You are not your job," but he also founded and ran a successful soap company and became the head of an international social and political movement. He was totally his job.
It was the irony that many people missed from that movie.
或者我們可以這麼想，記得福樂雞(全美大二大快餐)反對同性戀婚姻嗎？不管文青們怎樣抗議，他們公司還是照樣賣出上百萬的三明治。這不代表民眾認可他們的想法，而是因為他們完成了職責─做出好吃的三明治。這才是最關鍵的。
你可能不喜歡這個事實。我也不喜歡我生日的時候下大雨，但雨還是要下。烏雲密布，就會降雨。人們有需求，就會認可能滿足他們需求的人。這就是世界一直運行的簡單機制，誰也改變不了。
有人估計會說：「你TM都是扯蛋！我沒有任何犯罪記錄，這就是我該獲得的感謝？」
如果你反駁說，你不是個膚淺的物質主義者，金錢也不是萬能的。我只能說，我哪句話提到金錢了嗎？說明你根本沒看懂上面這一大段。
Or think of it this way: Remember when Chick-fil-A came out against gay marriage? And how despite the protests, the company continues to sell millions of sandwiches every day? It's not because the country agrees with them; it's because they do their job of making delicious sandwiches well. And that's all that matters.
You don't have to like it. I don't like it when it rains on my birthday. It rains anyway. Clouds form and precipitation happens. People have needs and thus assign value to the people who meet them. These are simple mechanisms of the universe and they do not respond to our wishes.
"This is bullshit. I have a completely clean criminal record, and this is the thanks I get?"
If you protest that you're not a shallow capitalist materialist and that you disagree that money is everything, I can only say: Who said anything about money? You're missing the larger point.
第三點 你做的事不一定要能賺錢，但一定要有益於人
為了讓有些人不一直耿耿於懷，讓我們說個非金錢的例子。看本網站(cracked.com)的統計，這裡主要都是20左右的男性。所以我每天都會在討論版，以及我個人的郵箱中看到一大堆關於屌絲覺得自己明明是世界上最溫柔的好男人，但為啥女人不願意接觸他們的文章。我可以解釋他們的觀念中出了哪些問題，但我們最好還是讓Alec Baldwin解釋。
在這個例子中，Baldwin就是扮演你生活中的女神。當然她們不會像是Baldwin那樣簡單粗暴─社會教育我們不要那麼誠實說出對別人的看法─但這裡問題是一樣的。「好人？誰在乎啊？如果你想在這裡工作，靠近客戶！」
所以，你有什麼想法嗎？你對在書店遇到的女神每天意淫，然後對她中午只能吃沙拉感到心痛。她在十年後會成為外科醫生，你呢？
#4. What You Produce Does Not Have to Make Money, But It Does Have to Benefit People
Let's try a non-money example so you don't get hung up on that. The demographic that Cracked writes for is heavy on 20-something males. So on our message boards and in my many inboxes I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won't come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world. I can explain what is wrong with this mindset, but it would probably be better if I let Alec Baldwin explain it:
In this case, Baldwin is playing the part of the attractive women in your life. They won't put it as bluntly as he does -- society has trained us not to be this honest with people -- but the equation is the same. "Nice guy? Who gives a shit? If you want to work here, close."
So, what do you bring to the table? Because the Zooey Deschanel lookalike in the bookstore that you've been daydreaming about moisturizes her face for an hour every night and feels guilty when she eats anything other than salad for lunch. She's going to be a surgeon in 10 years. What do you do?
「但是我覺得用PUA太沒品了......」
「什麼！所以你是說除非我有個好工作賺大錢，否則不可能把到女神？」
不！你思維跳躍得太快了，你無非是想說所有拒絕你的女神都是膚淺自私的。那麼讓我想問你，你能給予什麼？你聰明嗎？有趣嗎？有才華嗎？有抱負嗎？有創意嗎？好，那你可以做什麼來證明你的優點嗎？別說你是個好人─這是最基本的，你的女神每天會遇到一堆男人對她好。就像本文的例子，有人中槍在大街上流血躺著，你到底會不會做手術？
"Well, I'm fucking wicked at capture the flag."（感謝Kevin Yu給予答案，capture the flag=把妹）
"What, so you're saying that I can't get girls like that unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?"
No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they're just being shallow and selfish. I'm asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don't say that you're a nice guy -- that's the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding in the street. Do you know how to operate or not?
「我沒有性別歧視，也沒有種族歧視，不貪婪也不膚淺也不罵人！我和那些屌絲不一樣！」
我很抱歉，我知道這話不太好聽，但如果你所能做的就是列舉一些「你沒有」的優點，就給我TM從傷者(女神)身邊滾開！世界上有的是風趣、事業有成的帥小伙來做手術(對你的女神好)。
「等等，我說過我不會打人！」
這傷到你了嗎？所以，那現在呢？你是打算悶悶不樂地想著呢，還是你會去學習如何做手術？這是你的選擇，但別抱怨為何女神都喜歡渣男。女神喜歡渣男，是因為渣男有一些東西可以滿足她們。
「但、但我是一個很好的聆聽者！」
是嗎？因為你可以犧牲提升好感度的機會和幻想她的皮膚有柔軟頭髮有多香的時間，安靜地坐在女神身邊聽她抱怨半天嗎？你猜怎麼著？那裡還有另一個能做到相同事情的男子，而且他還能彈吉他！你一直聲明你是個好人，這就好像是你去一家餐廳，他們的賣點是你不會吃了肚子痛。或者是一部新電影的標題是「這是個英文電影」，然後副標題是「演員你都可以看見」。
我覺得這就是為什麼你可以做一個好人，但依然覺得自己是屌絲。
"Well, I'm not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!"
I'm sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don't have, then back the fuck away from the patient. There's a witty, handsome guy with a promising career ready to step in and operate.
"Wait, I said I wouldn't hit you!"
Does that break your heart? OK, so now what? Are you going to mope about it, or are you going to learn how to do surgery? It's up to you, but don't complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. "But I'm a great listener!" Are you? Because you're willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there's another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick. You're like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible."
I think this is why you can be a "nice guy" and still feel terrible about yourself. Specifically ...
第四點 你討厭自己是因為你什麼也沒做
「所以你是讓我去買一本教我如何把妹的書？」
除非那本書的第一章是讓你變成妹子喜歡接近的人。這是很多人都忽視的一點。人們總是問「如何找到工作？」而不是「如何變成雇主喜歡雇用的人？」;人們總是問「怎麼樣讓妹子喜歡我？」而不是「如何變成妹子喜歡的類型？」。因為後者會讓你放棄很多你的喜好，讓你更加注重外表，看沒興趣的電視劇，天知道還有什麼犧牲，你甚至可能要改變你的人格。
「但為什麼我不能去找一個喜歡原本的我的人呢？」答案很簡單，因為人是有需求的。還記得本文的例子嗎？有人中槍倒地，然後你在抱怨為什麼找不到能自動癒合的傷口？
#3. You Hate Yourself Because You Don't Do Anything
"So, what, you're saying that I should pick up a book on how to get girls?"
Only if step one in the book is "Start making yourself into the type of person girls want to be around."
"Come ooooon. I know I hid some vodka in here somewhere."
Because that's the step that gets skipped -- it's always "How can I get a job?" and not "How can I become the type of person employers want?" It's "How can I get pretty girls to like me?" instead of "How can I become the type of person that pretty girls like?" See, because that second one could very well require giving up many of your favorite hobbies and paying more attention to your appearance, and God knows what else. You might even have to change your personality.
"But why can't I find someone who just likes me for me?" you ask. The answer is because humans need things. The victim is bleeding, and all you can do is look down and complain that there aren't more gunshot wounds that just fix themselves?
這裡是另一段影片。
(alex:為了防止影片連結一直失效，我改成一張gif圖)
喜聞樂見的裝逼失敗圖
每個人看了這段影片都會會心一笑，雖然笑點不一定一樣。你能讓別人笑嗎？為什麼不呢？是什麼阻止你耍個高難度滑板結果猛然摔倒路燈。這傢伙知道成功的秘密──嘗試比什麼都不做要好。
「但我什麼都不擅長！」
我有個好消息要告訴你，你只要反覆練習某項技能足夠久的時間，你就能擅長任何事。我小時候是世界上最糟糕的作者。到了25歲才慢慢好一點。每當我職場失意的時候，我就會寫文。我在業餘時間寫作長達八年，一週一篇，而這期間我一毛錢也沒從寫文章上面獲得。我大概花了13年才登上紐約時報暢銷書排行，大約是20,000小時才磨練好我拙劣的文筆。
Here's another video (NSFW):
Everyone who watched that video instantly became a little happier, although not all for the same reasons. Can you do that for people? Why not? What's stopping you from strapping on your proverbial thong and cape and taking to your proverbial stage and flapping your proverbial penis at people? That guy knows the secret to winning at human life: that doing ... whatever you call that ... was better than not doing it.
"But I'm not good at anything!" Well, I have good news -- throw enough hours of repetition at it and you can get sort of good at anything. I was the world's shittiest writer when I was an infant. I was only slightly better at 25. But while I was failing miserably at my career, I wrote in my spare time for eight straight years, an article a week, before I ever made real money off it. It took 13 years for me to get good enough to make the New York Times best-seller list. It took me probably 20,000 hours of practice to sand the edges off my sucking.
不想花這麼多時間在磨練一項技能上？我有個好消息和壞消息要告訴你。好消息是長久的磨練能幫你走出你的困境──我可以忍受很多年繁瑣的辦公室工作，是因為我知道自己同時在學習一項技能。人們會放棄是因為結果要太久才能看到，同時也因為他們沒有意識到「過程」就是結果本身。
壞消息是其實你也沒有其他選擇。「如果你想繼續在這工作，靠近客戶！」從我個人的角度來看，你討厭自己不是因為自卑，或者是有人欺負你，而是因為你什麼也沒做。連你自己都沒法喜歡原本的自己，所以這就是為什麼你很可悲，以及為什麼會一直私信問我人生建議。
不要灰心，讓我們重新站起來。
做個簡單的計算：你有多少時間是在消費別人做出來的東西(看電視劇、音樂、遊戲、微博)而不是做自己的東西？只有你自己生產的東西，才會增加你的個人價值。
如果你有點聽不下去了，並用每個人都聽爛的大道理：「內在才是真正重要的。」來反駁我，那麼我只能說......(接下段標題)
Don't like the prospect of pouring all of that time into a skill? Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the sheer act of practicing will help you come out of your shell -- I got through years of tedious office work because I knew that I was learning a unique skill on the side. People quit because it takes too long to see results, because they can't figure out that the process is the result.
The bad news is that you have no other choice. If you want to work here, close.
Because in my non-expert opinion, you don't hate yourself because you have low self-esteem, or because other people were mean to you. You hate yourself because you don't do anything. Not even you can just "love you for you" -- that's why you're miserable and sending me private messages asking me what I think you should do with your life.
Step One: Get up.
Do the math: How much of your time is spent consuming things other people made (TV, music, video games, websites) versus making your own? Only one of those adds to your value as a human being.
And if you hate hearing this and are responding with something you heard as a kid that sounds like "It's what's on the inside that matters!" then I can only say ...
第五點 你的內在只有通過你做過的事才能表達出來
在我的圈子裡，我認識一大堆有理想的作家。他們自稱自己為作家，他們在聚會上跟別人自我介紹的時候也說自己是作家，他們知曉自己有顆炙熱的作家之心。他們只缺乏最後小小的一步，那就是TM實際寫出點東西。
但真的，這很重要嗎？難道寫點東西就是決定誰是誰不是個作家的最重要標準嗎？
我的老天啊，當然是了！這些「作家」寫出的東西比女人的購物清單還短。
這是最常見對我以上所有論述的反駁，然後也是對生活中經常出現的批評聲音的反駁。「我知道我內在是個很好的人。」或者是「讓別人說去，我要做我自己。」這是你不斷告訴自己不去改變的藉口。
#2. What You Are Inside Only Matters Because of What It Makes You Do
Being in the business I'm in, I know dozens of aspiring writers. They think of themselves as writers, they introduce themselves as writers at parties, they know that deep inside, they have the heart of a writer. The only thing they're missing is that minor final step, where they actually fucking write things.
But really, does that matter? Is "writing things" all that important when deciding who is and who is not truly a "writer"?
For the love of God, yes.
I've known "writers" who produced less content than what's on this woman's grocery list.
See, there's a common defense to everything I've said so far, and to every critical voice in your life. It's the thing your ego is saying to you in order to prevent you from having to do the hard work of improving: "I know I'm a good person on the inside." It may also be phrased as "I know who I am" or "I just have to be me."
不要誤會我的意思，你的內在非常重要。一個人如果能為了家人從設計開始一手包辦蓋出一棟房子，那一定是因為他的內在。你所做的每件壞事一開始都只是一個念頭，直到念頭揮之不去，充斥在心中，你才不得不去做。同樣，你所做的每件好事也是一樣。你的內在就像是土壤，想法是種子，只有你培養才會開花結果。
這是每個人都需要知道，並且也是很多人都無法接受的觀點：
你不過是顆果實，沒有人在乎你的土壤。
舉例來說，你內心非常同情窮人家的孩子。很偉大，但這會讓你做什麼嗎？聽到國內有些悲劇發生後，你會說「唉真是可憐的孩子，讓他們知道我心中很同情他們」嗎？我去年買了個表，找出他們需要什麼去實際幫助他們啊！有好幾千萬的人看過Kony的影片，看過的人都在內心同情這些非洲的孩子。這麼多同情心給非洲孩子們帶來什麼呢？神馬都沒有！每天都有非洲孩子死去，因為我們不斷告訴自己關心跟行動一樣重要。這是我們人性中懶惰的心理機制，讓我們什麼也不做也心安理得。
以下是Kony的視頻。
KONY 2012 中文字幕_腾讯视频
Don't get me wrong; who you are inside is everything -- the guy who built a house for his family from scratch did it because of who he was inside. Every bad thing you've ever done has started with a bad impulse, some thought ricocheting around inside your skull until you had to act on it. And every good thing you've done is the same -- "who you are inside" is the metaphorical dirt from which your fruit grows.
Notice how the camera is pointed up, and not at the base of the tree?
But here's what everyone needs to know, and what many of you can't accept:
"You" are nothing but the fruit.
Nobody cares about your dirt. "Who you are inside" is meaningless aside from what it produces for other people.
Inside, you have great compassion for poor people. Great. Does that result in you doing anything about it? Do you hear about some terrible tragedy in your community and say, "Oh, those poor children. Let them know that they are in my thoughts"? Because fuck you if so -- find out what they need and help provide it. A hundred million people watched that Kony video, virtually all of whom kept those poor African children "in their thoughts." What did the collective power of those good thoughts provide? Jack fucking shit. Children die every day because millions of us tell ourselves that caring is just as good as doing. It's an internal mechanism controlled by the lazy part of your brain to keep you from actually doing work
"I just wanted to tell you that you're in my thoughts. Good luck -- let me know if that cured you.".
有多少人現在在想「如果他/她知道我是一個多麼有趣的人，他/她一定會愛上我！」真的嗎？你那些有趣的想法展現在多少人面前呢？這些想法又讓你做出了什麼？如果有一個隱形攝相機跟拍你一個月，你的男/女神看到會被感動嗎？記住，他們沒有讀心術，他們只能觀察你的行為。他們會想成為你生活的一部分嗎？
所有我希望你做的，只不過是用你看別人的標準來要求自己而已。難道你身邊沒有那種煩人的基督教朋友，當你希望得到幫助的時候，他們只會說「我為你祈禱了」。你覺得討不討厭呢？我沒有要討論祈禱到底有沒有用。這不會改變一個事實，你的朋友選擇了一種他們連椅子都不用站起來就能完成的幫助。他們遵守各種戒律，因此他們有著乾淨的思想，他們的內心土壤十分純淨，但到底從中誕生出什麼果實呢？他們應該比別人更清楚這點，我的水果隱喻是從聖經來的。耶穌說了無數次「要從一棵樹的果實評價一棵樹」。當然，耶穌是沒說什麼「如果你想要這份工作，給我靠近客戶。」但耶穌有說「無法結出好果子的樹就要砍下來，扔進火裡。」
對於那些看了半天文章都無動於衷的人，他們就像是被Baldwin斥責後的銷售員一樣。所以我們要提到最後一點......
How many of you are walking around right now saying, "She/he would love me if she/he only knew what an interesting person I am!" Really? How do all of your interesting thoughts and ideas manifest themselves in the world? What do they cause you to do? If your dream girl or guy had a hidden camera that followed you around for a month, would they be impressed with what they saw? Remember, they can't read your mind -- they can only observe. Would they want to be a part of that life?
Because all I'm asking you to do is apply the same standard to yourself that you apply to everyone else. Don't you have that annoying Christian friend whose only offer to help anyone ever is to "pray for them"? Doesn't it drive you nuts? I'm not even commenting on whether or not prayer works; it doesn't change the fact that they chose the one type of help that doesn't require them to get off the sofa. They abstain from every vice, they think clean thoughts, their internal dirt is as pure as can be, but what fruit grows from it? And they should know this better than anybody -- I stole the fruit metaphor from the Bible. Jesus said something to the effect of "a tree is judged by its fruit" over and over and over. Granted, Jesus never said, "If you want to work here, close." No, he said, "Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."
"And then a buffalo will stare stupidly into your soul while slowly chewing grass and softly farting."
The people didn't react well to being told that, just as the salesmen didn't react well to Alec Baldwin telling them that they needed to grow some balls or resign themselves to shining his shoes. Which brings us to the final point ...
第六點 人的內心一直在抗拒進步
人的大腦是很神奇的，你的腦子在找為何你不需要改變的證據時的轉速會遠遠超過思考實際行動時。你的意識會有一層又一層的防禦機制來阻止任何會讓你改變現狀的事情。問任何對某事上癮的人就知道這種感覺了。
所以，你們當中許多人一邊閱讀這篇文章，一邊會聽到到大腦給出的種種反駁理由。按照我的經驗，這些想法通常是：
把所有批評當成污辱
「作者憑啥說我懶惰又沒用！一個好人是絕對不會這樣跟我說話！他寫這些不過是想表達優越感，然後讓我對自己的生活更不滿而已！我要在評論裡回覆直接問候他祖宗！」
對人不對事
「作者是誰？有資格告訴我該怎麼過活？喔，說的好像自己有多高尙似的。區區一個網上的白痴段子手！看我怎麼人肉他。LZSB，他說的全都是SB發言。也太自己為是了吧，真讓我噁心。」
「等你比我有錢再說這些話吧！」
只看語氣，不看內容
「我要反覆閱讀你的文章，找出你那些冒犯人的句子，然後我就斷章取義只討論它。我聽過很多書都因為一個小地方語氣冒犯了某個組織，所以整本書就下架的故事。這也是你的下場！」
不斷修飾自己的過去
「事情也沒那麼糟糕！雖然我上個月是有想過自殺，但是我現在已經好多了！可能我只要繼續做下去，一切都會好轉的！我會得到應有的假期！如果我繼續當女神的聆聽者，說不定有天她會發現最好的就在身邊！」
認為所有改善都會讓你失去自我
「喔，我想我必須把我所有的漫畫都扔掉，然後每天去健身房6小時，把自己弄得像是天天去海邊衝浪小鮮肉一樣。不然我就活該一輩子沒女友！」
以及等等其他想法。
記得，痛苦才會讓人成長。所以有那麼多人願意不斷嘗試，是因為他們知道幸福需要努力來獲得。還有，你需要很大的勇氣。
#1. Everything Inside You Will Fight Improvement
The human mind is a miracle, and you will never see it spring more beautifully into action than when it is fighting against evidence that it needs to change. Your psyche is equipped with layer after layer of defense mechanisms designed to shoot down anything that might keep things from staying exactly where they are -- ask any addict.
So even now, some of you reading this are feeling your brain bombard you with knee-jerk reasons to reject it. From experience, I can say that these seem to come in the form of ...
*Intentionally Interpreting Any Criticism as an Insult
"Who is he to call me lazy and worthless! A good person would never talk to me like this! He wrote this whole thing just to feel superior to me and to make me feel bad about my life! I'm going to think up my own insult to even the score!"
*Focusing on the Messenger to Avoid Hearing the Message
"Who is THIS guy to tell ME how to live? Oh, like he's so high and mighty! It's just some dumb writer on the Internet! I'm going to go dig up something on him that reassures me that he's stupid, and that everything he's saying is stupid! This guy is so pretentious, it makes me puke! I watched his old rap video on YouTube and thought his rhymes sucked!"
"When you get to where I am in life, you feel free to give me advice! Until then, you're nothing but meat and guesses."
*Focusing on the Tone to Avoid Hearing the Content
"I'm going to dig through here until I find a joke that is offensive when taken out of context, and then talk and think only about that! I've heard that a single offensive word can render an entire book invisible!"
*Revising Your Own History
"Things aren't so bad! I know that I was threatening suicide last month, but I'm feeling better now! It's entirely possible that if I just keep doing exactly what I'm doing, eventually things will work out! I'll get my big break, and if I keep doing favors for that pretty girl, eventually she'll come around!"
*Pretending That Any Self-Improvement Would Somehow Be Selling Out Your True Self
"Oh, so I guess I'm supposed to get rid of all of my manga and instead go to the gym for six hours a day and get a spray tan like those Jersey Shore douchebags? Because THAT IS THE ONLY OTHER OPTION."
"Way to leave 'the hood' behind, asshole. New house or not, you'll always be white trash!"
And so on. Remember, misery is comfortable. It's why so many people prefer it. Happiness takes effort.
Also, courage.
知道自己長久以來什麼都沒創造會讓人覺得安心，因為你沒有東西可以讓別人批評。
比起創造什麼，還不如坐著批評其他人創造出來的東西更容易。這電影真爛。這父母根本不會教育孩子。那對情侶應該快分手了吧。有錢人的想法真是膚淺。這家餐廳真難吃。這篇文章的作者就是個混蛋。我應該去舉報他，看！我也「創造」了一些東西啦。
喔，我忘了提醒你一件事。不管你想要建造或是創造什麼──一首詩、一項技能或是一段新的感情──你會馬上發現身邊出現一堆不創造的人評論你的創造。或許他們不是當著你的面，但他們確實會黑你。你的酒鬼朋友不會希望你清醒。你的胖朋友不會希望你瘦下來。你的無業朋友不會希望你去找工作。
只要記得他們不過是在表達他們自己的恐懼，因為批評他人會讓自己看起來有在做什麼。「為什麼我需要創造什麼，別人做的東西不都爛透了嗎？我會寫出一本小說，但我需要等一個好靈感，我才不要寫出下一個《小時代》！」只要他們永遠都不做出什麼，他們就永遠是完美的。或者他們可能做了點事，但他們會故意不全力以赴，讓別人認為他們只是狀態不好而已。只要他們認真起來的話，他們就能做出神一般的作品，而不是這些明顯垃圾的產物。
It's incredibly comforting to know that as long as you don't create anything in your life, then nobody can attack the thing you created.
It's so much easier to just sit back and criticize other people's creations. This movie is stupid. That couple's kids are brats. That other couple's relationship is a mess. That rich guy is shallow. This restaurant sucks. This Internet writer is an asshole. I'd better leave a mean comment demanding that the website fire him. See, I created something.
Oh, wait, did I forget to mention that part? Yeah, whatever you try to build or create -- be it a poem, or a new skill, or a new relationship -- you will find yourself immediately surrounded by non-creators who trash it. Maybe not to your face, but they'll do it. Your drunk friends do not want you to get sober. Your fat friends do not want you to start a fitness regimen. Your jobless friends do not want to see you embark on a career.
Just remember, they're only expressing their own fear, since trashing other people's work is another excuse to do nothing. "Why should I create anything when the things other people create suck? I would totally have written a novel by now, but I'm going to wait for something good, I don't want to write the next Twilight!" As long as they never produce anything, it will forever be perfect and beyond reproach. Or if they do produce something, they'll make sure they do it with detached irony. They'll make it intentionally bad to make it clear to everyone else that this isn't their real effort. Their real effort would have been amazing. Not like the shit you made.
我稍微看了一下本篇文章的回覆──那些惡劣的人的論點永遠都是「這個網站應該炒了這個專欄作家！」「這個混蛋永遠不該繼續寫作！」「別再做什麼鬼影片了！」這些論點都可以歸結為「別寫了！如果換我來寫我會比你寫得好幾百倍，還有你因此獲得的關注讓我很不爽」。
不要變成這種人。如果你是，那就不要再繼續下去了。這就是你為什麼讓人討厭的原因，這也是為什麼你討厭自己的原因。
所以你將會去做什麼嗎？
讓我給你一個建議：給自己限定一年，到2013年年底，或者是你讀完本文之後的一年。當其他人又跟你說什麼我們新年新計劃是瘦掉15斤時候，我會說我們應該努力去做任何一件事──學習任何技能，任何能增加你個人價值的東西，然後學到會讓人哇的地步為止。不要問我我該做什麼──隨便選個東西。學習空手道、學習交際舞、學習捏陶、學習烘焙、做一個鳥屋、學習怎麼按摩、學習編程、當個伸張正義的超級英雄、寫個人部落格、在簡書上持續寫文章。
關鍵在於，我不希望你一上來目標就太高(我馬上就要找到女友，我馬上就要賺大錢等等)。我希望你關注在一些能讓你稍微更有趣和對其他人更有幫助的技能上。
「臥槽，除非我會英語，不然我就沒法像alex一樣閱讀那麼多有趣英文文章。」
「烹飪課好貴啊，我沒錢去上課。」
那你們TM可以去百度啊！用網頁翻譯對照看啊！網上有一堆免費課程，搜索引擎已經讓很多事都變得更簡單了。
該死，你需要消除這些藉口，不然這些藉口就會反過來殺死你。
Read our article comments -- when they get nasty, it's always from the same angle: Cracked needs to fire this columnist. This asshole needs to stop writing. Don't make any more videos. It always boils down to "Stop creating. This is different from what I would have made, and the attention you're getting is making me feel bad about myself."
Don't be that person. If you are that person, don't be that person any more. This is what's making people hate you. This is what's making you hate yourself.
What are you going to do with it? Hunt witches or kick off the Olympics?
So how about this: one year. The end of 2013, that's our deadline. Or a year from whenever you read this. While other people are telling you "Let's make a New Year's resolution to lose 15 pounds this year!" I'm going to say let's pledge to do fucking anything -- add any skill, any improvement to your human tool set, and get good enough at it to impress people. Don't ask me what -- hell, pick something at random if you don't know. Take a class in karate, or ballroom dancing, or pottery. Learn to bake. Build a birdhouse. Learn massage. Learn a programming language. Film a porno. Adopt a superhero persona and fight crime. Start a YouTube vlog. Write for Cracked.
But the key is, I don't want you to focus on something great that you're going to make happen to you ("I'm going to find a girlfriend, I'm going to make lots of money ..."). I want you to purely focus on giving yourself a skill that would make you ever so slightly more interesting and valuable to other people.
"Holy shit, by learning Spanish, I just gained the ability to speak to 400 million people I previously couldn't."
"I don't have the money to take a cooking class." Then fucking Google "how to cook." They've even filtered out the porn now, it's easier than ever. Damn it, you have to kill those excuses. Or they will kill you.
後記：
為了不影響閱讀體驗而寫在最後。這幾天我全家來上海，我每天走差不多兩萬步後，回到房間後還花兩小時在翻譯本文上。我只想告訴各位，只要有心你可以在睡前做很多事，而不是看別人生產的東西在沙發上睡著就結束了。儘管網路上確實流傳著一篇豆瓣的翻譯版，但是我本著練習英文的精神，重新翻譯了全篇文章。我很開心，也很樂意這麼做。
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