No-Drama Connection in Action

这是彼岸月亮的第5天持续更新原创

作者：彼岸月亮

日期：07/15/2020 于美国

No-Drama Connection in Action

A few days ago, I was in the office and heard my husband said:

“Axxx Jxxx Kxxx.”

In America, if your parents call your full name. You must be in trouble.

I walked into our kitchen. My son was making smoothies. Two problems here. First, there were smoothies in the cup already. Because I made it myself earlier, and haven’t finished drinking it yet. Secondly, he didn’t close the blender cup completely. Smoothies covered the blender, and some on the counter and the chair he was standing on. What a mess. At that moment, I really wanted to yell at him. But I took a deep breath, and calmed myself down before I reacted.

“You need to connect with your son first.” Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson whispers in my ear.

“There are three connection principles you need to follow. ”

#1, turn down the shark music. It’s hard to remember how many times we have to clean up after him. Once, my son wanted to pour milk for himself, but it overflowed and covered the whole kitchen floor; another time, I came out from the bathroom, and saw a bag of pancake mix all over the floor. My son was walking back and forth on the flour. Again? My shark music kept playing in the background.

#2, chase the why.

“I keep asking myself why my son did that. What is he wanting here? Trying to discover something?” My son watched me make smoothies for him and myself earlier, and he wanted to try it, too. He was very curious about how the blender works. His curiosity may just have killed our blender.

#3, think about the how.

After keeping away from the shark music and figuring out why, the next step is how to communicate with my son about his misbehavior.

I could say :

“Don’t do that again. You are too young and the blades can hurt you.”

Or “I understood you want to make smoothie for mommy,  thank you. Next time, if you want to try this again, please ask mommy to help you. ”

Nothing wrong with the first response. It might keep my son away from the blender for a while. But the second response, it not only protects his curiosity, but also encourages him to ask for help if he needs it.

Ask reading these three principles, I hope you learned a thing or two when dealing with misbehavior. I wish I had read the No-Drama Discipline before what happened in our kitchen.