为方便家长们学到最原汁原味的正面管教知识，我从国外找来一些正面管教资料。以下为正面管教英文站的译文（注：本人英文水平有限，以下内容是谷歌在线直译得来的，欢迎英语水平好的家长校正，我只是知识里的搬运工），更多详细的内容可以参考早期学习正面管教网友分享的正面管教揭密内容。
1、和善而坚定
1. Kindness and firmness
任何时候，当我们想使用正面管教时，请一定记得是和善而坚定的。
Whenever we want to use positive discipline, please remember to be kind and firm.
大多数时候，面对孩子的哭闹时，我们都会受到“原始爬行脑”的支配，只想尽快的解决问题，要么“迎战”（争夺权力）要么“逃避”（退让并且无法沟通）下意识里采用惩罚或者退让满足孩子，以便解决争端。但是前面我们分析过，显然这两种方法都不对，在情绪不稳定的情况下做的任何决定都可能是错误的，我们一定会冲动地说一些过会一定会后悔的话，彼此伤害，那么，就按下暂停键，让我们的情绪“积极地暂停”吧。
Most of the time, in the face of children's crying, we will be dominated by "primitive crawling brain", just want to solve the problem as soon as possible, or "fight" (fight for power) or "escape" (retreat and unable to communicate) subconsciously using punishment or retreat to meet the children, in order to solve the dispute. But as we have analyzed before, it is obvious that neither of these methods is right. Any decision made in the case of emotional instability may be wrong. We will impulsively say something that we will regret later and hurt each other. Then, press the pause button to "actively pause" our mood.
先控制情绪，等双方情绪平和之后再来解决问题。父母情绪平和并确保把爱的信号传递给了孩子，孩子也会受到感染。平心静气也意味着我们并没有和孩子处于战争状态，孩子能感受到接下来不是双方对峙，也不是随之而来的惩罚，那么孩子才能感觉到善意感觉到爱，才能感觉到自己被全然的接纳，认可，才会放下戒备来听我们说什么，这个时候的讲道理才是有用的。
First control the emotions, and then solve the problem after the emotions of both sides are calm. Parents are calm and make sure that the signals of love are passed on to their children, who are also infected. Peace of mind also means that we are not in a state of war with our children. Children can feel that the following is not a confrontation between the two sides, nor the subsequent punishment. Only then can children feel the goodwill and love, feel that they are fully accepted, recognized, and put down their guard to listen to what we say. At this time, the reasoning is useful.
全然的接纳孩子的情绪，但是要对孩子的行为坚决的说“不”。情绪要温和而态度要坚定，让孩子明白我们的底线和原则，当我们态度坚定时，孩子也会知难而退。但是大多数父母则刚刚相反，生气的时候太过坚定—因为不知道可以怎么办，随后又会对自己的过度坚定感到愧疚而进行弥补，又变得太过和善。
Accept the child's emotions completely, but firmly say "no" to the child's behavior. Emotions should be gentle and attitude should be firm, so that children understand our bottom line and principles, when our attitude is firm, children will retreat. But most parents, on the contrary, are too firm when they are angry - because they don't know what to do, and then they make up for their excessive determination and become too kind.
你回想一下孩子曾经和你顶嘴的场景，你是怎样处理的？
Think back to the scene where your child talked back to you. How did you deal with it?
硬碰硬，最后不欢而散还是走开了？
Touch hard, and eventually break up or go away?
如果你想使用正面管教，那么我们可以先走开，等双方情绪平静下来的时候再来谈这件事情。
If you want to use positive discipline, we can walk away and talk about it when the mood is calm.
之后你再告诉孩子：“宝贝，刚才我们俩都很生气，我很抱歉，我尊重你的感受，但是，我不接受你刚才的做法。以后我如果感到你不尊重我，那我就会暂时离开。妈妈依然很爱你，当你觉得你能够重新尊重妈妈的时候，你可以告诉我，我很乐意和你一起找到一个彼此尊重的解决办法。”
Then you tell the child, "Honey, we were both angry just now. I'm sorry, I respect your feelings, but I don't accept what you just did. If I feel you don't respect me later, I'll leave for the time being. Mother still loves you very much. When you think you can respect your mother again, you can tell me that I am happy to work with you to find a solution that respects each other.
我相信当你这么做这么说的时候，你们的关系一定会发生极大的改变。
I believe that when you do that, your relationship will change dramatically.
及时地为自己的情绪按下“暂停”键，这真的非常了不起。“积极地暂停”也是给自己的大脑重新恢复理智的时间。这个时间无论是大人还是孩子都可以做一些让心情感到愉悦的事情，看电影，搞笑的综艺节目，玩玩具，看书，弹琴等都可以，直到双方心情都好起来，再一起讨论解决问题的办法。
It's really amazing to press the "pause" button for your emotions in time. "Positive pause" is also a time for your brain to regain its sanity. At this time, both adults and children can do something to make their hearts feel happy, such as watching movies, funny variety shows, playing toys, reading books, playing the piano, etc. until both sides feel better, and then discuss ways to solve the problem together.
2、专注于解决问题
2. Focus on problem solving
孩子制造一系列麻烦之后，大人们最常见的是替孩子收拾残局，努力分清谁对谁错，然后和孩子互相较劲，习惯对孩子说教，惩罚他们并要他们做出保证，或者放纵不管，我们习惯于在生气的状态下去解决问题。但是正面管教告诉我们，我们应当关注教会孩子做什么，关注问题的解决。
After a series of troubles caused by children, the most common thing for adults is to clean up the mess for their children, try to distinguish who is right from who is wrong, then compete with their children, get used to preaching to them, punish them and ask them to make guarantees, or indulge them. We are used to solving problems in an angry state. But positive discipline tells us that we should pay attention to what we teach our children to do and how to solve problems.
解决任何问题之前，请牢记要和善而坚定，一定是先处理情绪，再处理事情。没有一个平和的情绪，很难做出一个明智的决定，在处理问题时，也容易带着情绪，给出的解决方案也多半带有惩罚的意味。
Before solving any problems, please remember to be kind and firm. You must deal with emotions first and then things. Without a peaceful mood, it is difficult to make a wise decision. When dealing with problems, it is easy to bring emotions. The solutions given are mostly punishing.
情绪稳定，和善而坚定地对孩子进行启发式提问，才能让事情得到更好的解决。
Emotional stability, kindness and firm heuristic questions to children, so that things can be better solved.
*启发式提问
* Heuristic Questioning
启发式提问应该在使用之前确保三点：不要预设答案；用心听孩子真正想表达什么；全心接纳孩子。
Before using heuristic questions, three points should be ensured: don't presuppose answers; listen carefully to what the child really wants to express; and accept the child wholeheartedly.
我们还是举一个例子来说明。
Let's give an example to illustrate.
午觉睡好，孩子起床之后要求喝一杯牛奶。你再三叮嘱他要小心拿着杯子，结果还是不出你所料，杯子摔了，牛奶撒了一地。这时候你通常是怎么处理的？“我不是告诉过你……”是一边埋怨责怪孩子，一边收拾残局？说教可能还夹杂着威胁警告下次不准他怎么样？那想一想正面管教，首先转变态度，态度温和并且关注于解决问题，运用启发式提问问孩子：“现在你觉得应该怎么办才好呢？牛奶洒了一地，杯子也碎了…”我相信你的孩子们一定会自己提出解决方案并主动去做的。当我们关注于问题的解决，不对孩子提要求或说教，尊重孩子，启发式的提问，并且真正对孩子的回答感兴趣，而不是预设孩子的答案时，这就是在教给孩子生活技能，鼓励孩子，并且还给孩子提供机会去发展他们的自我感知力，提升解决问题的能力。
After a good nap, the child got up and asked for a glass of milk. You repeatedly told him to take the cup carefully, but as you expected, the cup fell and the milk spilled all over the place. What do you usually do at this time? "I didn't tell you..." Is it blaming the child while cleaning up the mess? What if the sermon might be accompanied by a threat warning not to allow him next time? Think about positive discipline. First, change your attitude, be gentle and focus on problem solving. Use heuristic questions to ask your child, "Now what do you think you should do?" The milk spilled all over the floor and the cup broke. I'm sure your children will come up with their own solutions and take the initiative to do so. When we focus on problem solving, don't ask or preach to children, respect children, heuristic questions, and are really interested in children's answers, rather than presupposing children's answers, this is to teach children life skills, encourage children, and provide children with opportunities to develop their self-perception and improve their problem-solving ability.
*每一次犯错误都是一次学习的机会
Every mistake is an opportunity to learn.
帮助孩子和自己把每一次犯错误都当成是一个学习成长的机会，不需要害怕错误，犯错误让我们成
Help children and themselves to see every mistake as an opportunity to learn and grow up. Don't be afraid of mistakes. Make mistakes and let us succeed.
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