「同义替换」等于「同义词替换」？

作者: Ericlub | 来源:发表于2018-09-03 15:32 被阅读210次

雅思大作文的开头段是困扰很多考生的顽疾。最常见的问题就是无法找到恰当的词汇去转述题目信息。替换词的使用既体现着我们对考试题目的理解程度，又反映了我们的整体语言水平，是英文写作最重要的基本功。同学们往往把“替换难”的问题归因于词汇量不足，而这只是问题的一个方面。

雅思写作词汇除了需要量的积累，更重要的是质的提升，即对词汇的准确含义、使用的具体场景和固定搭配的熟悉。很多同学把词汇的“质量”理解为词汇的“难度”，即生僻程度。的确，雅思官方评分标准中强调了 “uncommon” 和 “less common” 词汇的重要性。能够恰当地使用一些非常用词汇固然是语言能力的体现。

然而，不少同学对一些常见词的含义尚不能精准把握，更不能够正确地使用那些非常用词。很多考生仅能通过中文释义去机械地套用词汇，写出来的文章必定是地地道道“中国范”，只能让 native speaker 一头雾水，不知所云。

本文将结合雅思写作真题，以学生习作当中的典型错误为例，为同学们梳理雅思写作，尤其是开头段写作当中词汇使用的基本原则和禁忌。

原搬照抄

有些同学不能用自己的词汇去解释题目的观点，简单地复制题干词汇，导致复述不足而扣分。

题目1： Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

题意：有些人建议国家自力更生养活本国人民，进口食品越少越好。是否同意?

学生习作：The question of whether a state should attempt to produce all food for the people with as little importing food as possible has been the focus of current topic. Although the development of agriculture should be encouraged and supported, we could not overlook the importance of the import from other countries. I will discuss the topic focusing on the factors related to the finance, polity and the individuals.

点评：考生在开头段并没有对题干当中的核心表达 produce all the food, little importing food 进行有效替换，导致重复表达。《剑桥雅思》系列中的考官评语针对这类问题有过多次强调，属于扣分点。其次，首段出现多处不恰当的词汇使用，降低了表达的准确性。如：import的名词含义是“进口商品”，而我们是在讨论“进口”的重要性还是“进口粮食”的重要性? 还有focusing可以修饰topic吗?polity(政体)与individuals(个人)可以并列吗?

修改过后：The question of whether a state should solely rely on its own food industry while allowing as little imported food as possible has been the focus of current discussion. Although the agricultural development should be encouraged and supported, we should not overlook the importance of the international food trade, which is related to a county’s finance, politics and the people.

点评：上段保留了原文的基本框架，仅从词汇上做了些调整。注意动词的替换：「solely rely on its own food industry 仅仅依靠自己的食品产业」，不就是produce all the food的意思吗? is related to属于逻辑性很强的动词结构，通过调整为定语从句，使表达更有针对性，强调「international food trade 国际食品贸易」对于一个国家的重要性。

望文生义

有些同学仅根据词汇的中文释义找出中文中对应的“近义词”再翻译成英文。这样的词汇替换只能使自己的表达与原文相去甚远。

题目2：In universities and schools, female students are encouraged to learn some subjects of arts. However, male students are encouraged to study science and technology. Why does this happen? How will this trend develop in the future?

题意：大中小学都鼓励女生学文，男生学理。为什么这样? 未来如何发展?

学生习作：Recently, the question which subject should be chosen by the students in different genders has been frequently brought to spotlight. Some people think girls should to learn social science and boys always be good at science and technology. I will discuss the situation focus on the areas between their physical and job employment.

点评：学科的替换词有「disciplines, courses, majors」「subject」指的是某个具体科目，不能泛指学文或者学理；「gender」只有两个，习惯上写成「between two genders」；「brought to spotlight」是不规范的英文表达；「be good at」表示客观上擅长做某事，而题目中「are encouraged to」更体现人们的主观观念，鼓励提倡做某事，因此这一替换也是不准确的；「between … and」表示两者之间，而不是并列的关系；「physical」属于评分细节中所述的词形错误(errors of word formation)，这里不能单独使用形容词。

修改过后：The question about the preference of majors, either perceived or actual, between two genders has been in the spotlight. Some people think girls should attend courses of arts while boys are supposed to learn science and technology. I think the situation is related to the differences between the male and female in their physical traits and social roles.

点评：用「preference 偏好」来总结题干当中的争议核心，即男女生学什么科目的问题。通过后置定语「either perceived or actual」来表示这种所谓的“偏科”可能真实存在，也可能只是人们的臆断。段尾的「physical traits 生理特征」，「social roles 社会角色」都是同学们讨论两性平等(或不平等)时经常采用的表达。可见，在词汇使用上，高端大气只是一方面；更重要的是做到严谨、恰当、准确。

似是而非

还有一些同学在学习、使用英文词汇时不注意区分不同词汇在含义上的细微差别，笼统地归为“同义词”进行混用。虽然有些词汇在使用中存在“交集”，但并不意味着在任何场合都可以无条件替换。

题目3：Developments in technology are causing many environmental problems. Some people think that people should choose a simpler way of life. Others think that we should use technology to solve these problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (2015.05.09)

题意：科技进步造成了环境问题。有人认为应该简单生活(少用科技)，而其他人认为应该用科技来解决环境问题。讨论双方观点，给出自己的意见。

学生习作：Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerning about growing environmental issues resulted from the application of modern technology. However, whether we should continue to utilize the technology has caused a heated debate. My view is that to exploit new technology has its weakness but its importance should not be denied.

点评：「concern」作为动词表示“关心、关注”使用时往往以被动式出现，即「be concerned with / about」。「issue」是一个中性的词，可以是好事也可以是坏事。用在这里不能清晰表达problem的负面含义，有些同学可能会用「dilemma」来替换「problem」，殊不知前者指的是“进退两难的境地”，并不能与environmental 搭配。

用「application / utilize」等词简单地替换了use(使用)，但是无法突出“过度使用”科技所带来的后果。「weakness」的含义过于笼统，并不能清楚交代科技所带来的问题具体是什么。

「deny」表示“矢口否认”，“不承认”的意思。而作者想表达的意思应该是「ignore, neglect 忽视，忽略」。

由此可见，很多同学对一些“熟词”词义掌握得不够精准，导致南辕北辙。

修改过后：Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the growing threat posed by the abuse of modern technology. The issue of whether we should continue to rely on technology to ease the situation has been frequently raised in public and scholarly discourses. My view is that despite of the harms caused by modern technology, we should never overlook its importance in exploiting new energies and securing ecosystems around the world.

点评：「problem」可以替换成 threat, danger, damage, 后面加过去分词进行修饰：brought by, caused by, posed by (由……所带来、导致的)。

「abuse」表示“滥用”，这个词增加了表达的严谨性。潜台词是：合理使用科技不会带来这些问题。「ease the situation」这一指代巧妙地避开了solve environmental problem 这个重复出现的关键短语，使行文更简练。

「public and scholarly discourses」是比较正式的表达，需要根据题目类型酌情使用。「despite of 」表示让步，体现观点的辩证性。最后提出自己的观点，即全文核心论点时，将讨论范围明确固定在 new energies 和 ecosystem 范围内，既使观点更加清晰具体，又为下文主题段展开做好了铺垫。另外注意动词 exploit 与secure 的动宾搭配。

恣意妄为

题目4：Some think that developing countries should invite large foreign companies to open offices and factories to foster their economies. Others think these countries should keep large companies out and develop their own ones instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

题意：有些人认为发展中国家应该引进外国公司来繁荣经济，其他人认为应该排斥外国公司发展自己的企业。讨论双方观点，给出自己的意见。

学生习作：With the implementation of “opening-up policy”, the question whether the countries with economic deficiencies should grant permissions and licences to foreign macrocephalic enterprises to develop their economies by establishing manufacturers and overseas franchises in their territory has been asked by the mass. Although the authorities can be fortified from the foreign companies, we cannot overlook the devastating effect of it. On the contrary, the dissidents suggest that only by renaissance of their national economy without inviting the help from the foreigners can they succeed.

点评：该同学的词汇量不容小觑(千万不要羡慕)，但是这些“华丽”的辞藻却经不起推敲。Implementation 与policy 的搭配让人如鲠在喉。deficiencies 指(营养)缺乏或者先天不足(痴呆儿)而非经济落后。permissions, licences都在表达同样的意思：允许。

macrocephalic 这词连国外人也很少使用。manufacturer 指生产商而不是工厂，franchise是授权代理而不是分支机构。territory是国家领土(政治称谓)，authorities 是政府，这两个都不能替换国家，更不能 be fortified (加固防御)。

devastating 是毁灭性的，到达最严重的程度。dissidents 是政治异见人士，而非反对者。renaissance是文艺复兴，浴火重生。invite 好朋友可以，但是怎么能“邀请帮助”呢?

总结

可见，一段看似“才华横溢”的开头，实则漏洞百出，让人啼笑皆非。对于这些“有词就是任性”的同学，应该鼓励他们回归语言的本质，多一份真诚，少一份浮夸。

通过以上四个例子，我们可以感受到词汇替换对于雅思写作的重要意义。如果没有大量的替换词、替换结构的积累，开头的几句话很可能就成为考生的“坟场”。当你搜肠刮肚、寻章摘句却又欲言又止的时候，别别扭扭地刚把开头段写完的时候，成竹在胸的考生早已洋洋洒洒百十字，坐拥半壁江山了。

近期提分

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5.5 → 6.5