Charissa Enget, Blogger. Engineer. Living in rural Thailand.
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As I was sitting on the beach with my friend Courtney, she turned to me and said, "You know, I really love Landon. I'm going to marry him. But, if he were to leave me, I would be okay." They had been dating for four years and her boyfriend was asking her dad that summer if he could have her hand in marriage. They were very happy and comfortable together.
It was a stark contrast to my old roommate. In the four years I had known her, she had been single less than two weeks. Every time she became single, it had not been her choice. After each breakup, she had immediately gotten a new man within days. Eventually she settled with a guy who emotionally abused her. She had eventually caught him cheating more than three times and broken up with him, but her fear of being alone had driven her back into his arms after ten days. She married that guy.
Both of these girls are wonderful people who I enjoy hanging out with. But, they have one stark difference. Courtney is comfortable being alone. My old roommate is not.
Courtney dated her share of frogs but was always able to leave if things got bad. She liked being single and was comfortable with herself. So, she found a man perfect for her who added something amazing to her life.
My old roommate stayed in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. Being single scared her, so she'd rather stay with someone who treated her badly than face the world alone. She will depend on someone else for her happiness for the rest of her life and they will consistently fail to provide it.
Being single taught me that you're not ready to be in a relationship unless you're truly happy and comfortable being single. If you don't, you make yourself very vulnerable to abuse and a life of heartache.
Learn to be alone and to depend on yourself. Don't date anyone before you date yourself. It is the most important basis of a healthy relationship.
▌VOCABULARY:
- stark: clearly obvious to the eye or the mind 显而易见的; 明摆着的; 鲜明的: in stark contrast 成鲜明对比；[attrib 作定语]complete; utter; downright 完全的; 十足的: stark madness彻底的疯狂。
- settle with: (fig 比喻) punish sb for (an injury, insult, etc that one has suffered) 为（所受的伤害、侮辱等）惩罚某人: He thinks he can laugh at me, but I'll settle with him soon. 他以为他嘲笑我之後就算完事了, 我马上就要找他算这笔帐。
- vulnerable: adj. 易受伤的, 脆弱的, 敏感的。
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