*“Who cares for you?” said Alice. “You’re nothing but a pack of cards!”
You lay in your small bed and kept staring at the white ceiling, feeling sad and melancholy.
A book appeared in front of you. You were surprised, because you didn’t take it out from the bookshelf. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, of course, you thought. The book of my stupid childhood. The book was open at chapter 7, at where there was a sentence with a highlighter mark, “Why is a raven like a writing desk?”
“I don’t know!” you couldn’t help but shout out; your voice echoed in the small empty room, “And I don’t care about this boring riddle anymore! There is no Alice, or Rabbit Hole, or Wonderland!”
*The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, “Why is a raven like a writing desk?”
When you were small you’d always be dreaming about falling into a rabbit hole, because you were so obsessed with the whole story of Alice and the magical creatures she met. Although you didn’t really like the Alice in the story, she had totally different opinions with your favourite character – Mad Hatter. In other words, she didn’t like him. You didn’t understand why she hated the riddle; it was the best riddle in the world! You had a dream, that one day you would meet the Hatter yourself, and tell him your perfect answer for his raven and desk riddle.
But there was only one little problem, that you… you haven’t quite figured out the answer of the riddle yet. So you spent years and years trying to find the answer, from a child to a teenager.
Years flew by, and your life was always calm and normal. You were a model student at school who every teacher loved. You weren’t the most popular person in the school, but you’ve still got a bunch of good friends. Apart from worrying about a few exams, tests and overdue prep, the biggest trouble in your life was only to solve the hardest riddle in the world.
Life was great, you thought.
*“Well! What are you?” said the Pigeon. “I can see you’re trying to invent something!”
“Hello?” an over-gentle voice asked, “Hi? My little princess, are you lost in your wonderland now?” It sounded like she was singing.
You shook your head, trying to stay focus and find out your situation. Oh right, there you were, in the counsellor room, because you booked this meeting two days ago.
“So,” the middle-aged woman in front of you smiled, “tell me, what’s the matter with you?”
*“…Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is, who in the world am I?” You felt strange when saying these words, as it reminded you of Alice, who was falling down in a deep, endless Rabbit Hole. For a moment, you thought you were falling as well.
The woman laughed softly. She paused for a few seconds, and finally said, *“The best way to explain it is to do it.”
You felt out of breath.
*“Why is a raven like a writing desk?” You asked with broken voice.
“Well, maybe there is a wonderland.” She replied.
*“Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, “I was a real Turtle.”
You didn’t know what went wrong recently, but everything just all seemed out of order. You left your hometown (which you have lived for your whole life) for better education, and that was the time when everything started getting so wrong.
You didn’t want to even think about those painful memories, because you felt so hurt every time thinking about them. Probably everyone would have this moment at least once in their lives, that they could not keep holding on anymore. Well, that was how you felt right now.
You wanted to escape into Alice’s Wonderland, even if there were strange creatures and an evil queen there. You didn’t care anymore.
You thought you’ve given this stupid idea up, but the conversation with the counsellor yesterday made you determined again. As long as you got a chance to escape from your current life, everything would be absolutely amazing. Because I’ll be me again, you said to yourself firmly. I’ll find my happiness in Alice’s wonderland, and go see my Hatter.
Or… would I?
*So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, “I don’t see how he can ever finish, if he doesn’t begin.”
You were probably in a dream.
You were in a very odd dream. A white rabbit came up to you and punched you right in your face with his elegant watch. The next thing you knew when you finally woke up was that you were being forced to run in an endless race, and there was such a big number of strange creatures looking and pointing at you, as if you were the strange creature, but not them. After a really really long time of running (you couldn’t remember, because you were exhausted), you felt so dizzy that the whole world turned black.
A half-invisible cat bumped into you. It smiled with its mouth open so widely, that you could see all its dirty teeth. The next second it suddenly swallowed you into its mouth. The sticky feeling of liquid started to surround you. Was it its saliva? But soon you gave this idea up, as you were drowning right now, and the liquid was really salty. You wondered why you were still thinking about these boring questions when you were about to die. But before you whole body disappeared in the pool of liquid, your last thought was: oh, I think it’s the pool of tears here…
You woke up again, feeling surprised that you were still alive. A Turtle and a Gryphon stood beside you and argued. You only heard a few words like “who”, “eat”, “her” and “first”, but that was probably already enough. Feeling so dizzy, you tried to stand up and run away. But you couldn’t help frown and fell again. In the darkness, you felt someone dragging you, and you fell asleep again.
The next time you became conscious, you heard someone shouting *“Off with her head!”, but you couldn’t move, even if you were conscious. You were just too tired to do anything. You tried so hard to open your eyes, and what you faintly saw was only an over-magnificent red dress and a shining silver sword moving towards you.
You closed your eyes. I don’t care anymore, you said to yourself, to the Queen, to everything in silence. I’ve learnt how not to care.
The expected pain did not happen. You kept your eyes closed still, because you didn’t have courage to face anything in life… until a low voice said, “Alice, Alice, is that you? I’ve been waiting for you for so long, but you never came back!”
That was the voice. You would never get this wrong. It was the Hatter.
You opened your eyes weakly, and found the Hatter smiling at you like a crown. He was exactly the same as he was in the book, you thought excitedly.
*“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” He asked straight away with full of hope.
You instantly dropped from the mountain top to the valley.
*“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” He repeated.
You didn’t answer.
*“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” He repeated again.
“…Yes, I –” You finally said hesitantly.
“But you’re not my Alice.” He interrupted you.
And the whole world disappeared.
*“I could tell you my adventures – beginning from this morning,” said Alice a little timidly: “but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
You woke up in the counsellor room. The middle-aged woman put her watch (which looked exactly like the White Rabbit’s watch!) back to her bag, and smiled at you.
*“I don’t quite understand that.” You asked with confusion.
*“You were asleep again.” She was still smiling, “Go find a Rabbit Hole, because Alice’s wonderland is not your wonderland.”
You replied, *“I don’t much care where – ”
*“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.” She paused, and finally said, “Do you understand now, *why is a raven like a writing desk?”
“Thank you, Miss Counsellor.” You smiled, for the first time in a long time.
*“Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream!” said Alice.
You walked out of the building and started running. You didn’t feel tired at all; all you wanted to do was to run. Run forever. Run until the end of the world, and you wouldn’t be afraid.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” You screamed, as you suddenly fell into somewhere.
For a while, you thought you were going to fall for a very long time, and it would lead to a room with strange food and drinks which would make you bigger or smaller. This felt strangely familiar, you thought. But what was it?
You looked around, and suddenly started laughing.
It was a Rabbit Hole.
What if someone else fell into a rabbit hole, instead of Alice? What if, that person was… you?
You laughed and laughed, until bursting into tears.
You thought you’d escape and have a good time in Alice’s wonderland, but you were wrong.
You were not Alice. That was the first time you thought about it. And Alice’s wonderland was never your wonderland. Alice’s Hatter was never your Hatter.
See, this truth was neither hard nor easy to realize, because what you needed was just a Rabbit Hole.
A raven is like a writing desk, because there is no answer to the riddle.
*Directly quoted from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
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