Two friends have an argument that bleaks up their friendship forever, even though neither one can remember how the whole thing got started. Such sad events happen over and over in high schools across the country. In fact, according to an official report on youth violence, "In our country today, the greatest threat to the lives of children and adolescents is not disease or starvation or abandonment, but the terrible reality of violence". Given that this is the case, why aren't students taught to manage conflict the way they are taught to solve math problems, drive cars, or stay physically fit?
两个朋友之间发生了一场争吵，让他们的友谊永远破灭，尽管他们都不记得整件事是如何开始的。这种糟糕的事件在全国各地的高中一再发生。事实上，根据一份关于青少年暴力的官方报告，“在我们今天的国家，对儿童和青少年生命的最大威胁不是疾病、饥饿或遗弃，而是暴力的可怕现实”。既然如此，为什么学生们没有被教导像解决数学问题、开车或保持身体健康那样管理冲突？
First of all, students need to realize that conflict is unavoidable. A report on violence among middle school and high school students indicates that most violent incidents between students begin with a relatively minor insult. For example, a fight could start over the fact that one student eats a peanut butter sandwich each lunchtime. Laughter over the sandwich can lead to insults, which in turn can lead to violence. The problem isn't in the sandwich, but in the way students deal with the conflict.
首先，学生需要意识到冲突是不可避免的。一份关于初中生和高中生暴力事件的报告表明，大多数学生之间的暴力事件都是从相对较小的侮辱开始的。例如，一个学生每次午餐时间都会吃一个花生酱三明治，这可能会引发一场打斗。对三明治的嘲笑可能会导致侮辱，进而导致暴力。问题不在于三明治，而在于学生处理冲突的方式。
Once students recognize that conflict is unavoidable, they can practice the golden rule of conflict resolution: stay calm. Once the student feels calmer, he or she should choose words that will calm the other person down as well. Rude words, name-calling, and accusation only add fuel to the emotional fire. On the other hand, soft words spoken at a normal sound level can put out the fire before it explodes out of control.
一旦学生认识到冲突是不可避免的，他们就可以实践解决冲突的黄金法则：保持冷静。一旦学生感到冷静，他就可以选择能让对方冷静的词语。粗鲁的言语、谩骂和指责只会激发怒火。另一方面，以正常音量说出的柔和言语可以在局势失控之前将其扑灭。
After both sides have calmed down, they can use another key strategy for conflict resolution: listening. Listening allows the two sides to understand each other. One person should describe his or her side, and the other person should listen without interrupting. Afterward, the listener can ask non-threatening questions to clarify the speaker's position. Then the two people should change roles.
在双方冷静下来之后，他们可以使用另一种关键战略来解决冲突：倾听，倾听可以让双方相互理解。一个人应该描述自己的观点，另一个人应该在不打断的情况下倾听。之后，倾听者可以问一些没有威胁性的问题来澄清陈述者的立场。然后两个人应当互换角色。
Finally, students need to consider what they are hearing. This doesn't mean trying to figure out what's wrong with the other person. It means understanding what the real issue is and what both sides are trying to accomplish. For example, a shouting match over a peanut butter sandwich might happen because one person thinks the other person is unwilling to try new things. Students need to ask themselves questions such as these: How did this start? What do I really want? What am I afraid of? As the issue becomes clearer, the conflict often simply becomes smaller. Even if it doesn't, careful thought helps both sides figure out a mutual solution.
最后，学生需要考虑他们听到了什么。这并不意味着试图找出对方的问题所在，而是了解真正的问题是什么，以及双方都在努力实现什么。例如，可能会因为一个人认为另一个人不愿意尝试新事物而在花生酱三明治上发生争执。学生们需要问自己：如何开始？我到底想要什么？我害怕什么？随着问题变得越来越清楚，冲突往往会变得越来越小。即使没有，仔细思考也有助于双方找到共同的解决方案。
There will always be conflict in schools, but that doesn't mean there needs to be violence. After students in Atlanta started a conflict resolution program, according to Educators for Social Responsibility, "64 percent of the teachers reported less physical violence in the classroom; 75 percent of the teachers reported an increase in student co-operation; and 92 percent of the students felt better about themselves". Learning to resolve conflicts can help students deal with friends, teachers, parents, bosses, and coworkers. In that way, conflict resolution is a basic life skill that should be taught in schools across the country.
学校里总是会有冲突，但这并不意味着是暴力。根据社会责任教育工作者的说法，亚特兰大的学生开始了一项冲突解决计划后，“64%的老师报告说课堂上的身体暴力减少了；75%的老师报告说学生合作增加了；92%的学生自我感觉更好了”。学会解决冲突可以帮助学生与朋友、老师、父母、老板和同事打交道。解决冲突是一项基本的生活技能，应该在全国各地的学校教授。
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