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Two years ago, I was almost anonymous on the Internet.
I had been a reticent and crestfallen soul roaming in some bizarre wonderland, shunning the teeming world and let it eat me up.
It was even more saddening to realize that loneliness is no easier to shake, and the remedy seemed so contrarian to me.
Try to stare down my fear in the face.
To be honest, social relationships have always been my greatest fear.
My contacts have remained less than 300 even though my circles continue to expand. To some extent, I had my own stereotypes of getting to know someone and judging one's character from my own impressions.
Scrolling my Wechat contacts, I have never had the courage to communicate with some old friends and leave the blank space where it was.
My social accounts were more or less an observatory tower, following all my idols but never delivering any kinds of thoughts. More than ten years of social identity has simply fabricated a bunch of hollow alias and wishful dreams.
In both Sina Weibo and Douban Community, I was like a passenger in their great expectations and adventures.
Clicking, Consuming and Crying...
And my spare time has been glued to endless books and online recreations owing to my sheer paranoid of perfectionism.
Even in the same metropolis like Shanghai, I have never tried to congregate friends to revel and it was insane to hide in my own shell.
All the above are the deep-rooted examples of my fear.Consequently, I decline any chance to catch up and build a long-term relationship with more like-minded souls.
However, through mental training and reflections, I have gradually grasped the gist of how to reconcile with fear.
Fear exists when you are overwhelmed and dwarfed by some imaginary power. Unless you become more powerful and confident about the uncertainty, it will put your hands and mind in chains.
Later on, I created my nicknames in social media, struggling to survive and tying to be an avid fighter instead of an inactive spectator.
It was quite a turmoil, and I tried so hard to fit in. As usual, the outcry was a fallen stone in the river, and I ceased to draw attention from strangers.
The more I predict the future, the gloomy I become.
The battle seemed unabated but another solution turned up and soothed me as I began to write again in open channels.
As I dived into the digital world to seek knowledge and recognition, my fear somewhat changed. I became more sanguine about the what I am capable of.
The more I struggle to reconcile with myself, the more tranquil I become to embrace imperfection.
Fear still stays with me, but it soon becomes my best friend.
To begin with, it exposes my weaknesses, and I could easily discover my limitations and boundaries.
Besides, It also ignites my yearnings, and when I crack up a problem, I was more than thrilled to surpass my ego.
Here are my insignificant feasts.
Since my awakening, I have been updating my thoughts weekly and synchronizing all articles in different platforms.
I become more open to strangers and feel the serendipity with more discourse. For instance, since I begin to comment in the columns, articles and every passage that I would cast my eyes upon, more friends follow me and share their sincere thoughts with me.
To be honest, I was quite relieved to find a multitude of aspiring souls.
This month, my Wechat contacts steadily increase and social interaction has done the magic.
However, I could never imagine another legendary story.
He has been renowned for his early participation in the community and relentless efforts in discovering the best writers and articles.
He loves to be dubbed as Blockchain Mercenary.
Before our encounter, I simply picture him as an outstanding veteran in the blockchain industry and hold great esteem for him, but I could never find the courage to connect.
Last week, I decided to change my infrequent interaction with the world and happened to read his article of selected comments and connection. After a few seconds, I heartily scribbled my opinions on one of the best articles. The next day, his assistant popped up and encouraged me to join the groups which aimed to tap other talents.
I was both perplexed and amazed.
I tried to understand what he was offering and showed my great respect for their non-profitable activities. Needless to say, their enduring work has also earned remarkable recognition from other original writers.
Then the story goes on and it is astonishing to find out that he is just a graduate student in Zhejiang University. He perception of blockchain innovation and content platforms is quite incisive. No wonder he has accomplished so much and made a dent in the community.
Serendipity is a good thing, and if you stop being afraid, god knows what will be in store down the road?
Through my painstaking combat with fear, it then dawns on me that learning is our best weapon to tackle fear. It is never late to learn and change.
Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.
Just Keep Fighting and Carry On.
Hope you are all inspired.
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