2019-05-15

TED SPEECH: How to become a confident person.

Ted演讲：如何成为一个自信的人？

In my past life as a soccer coach.

Once you national championship.

Everyone wants to come play for you.

Really not true.

Once you paid them ＄25000 a year in scholarships.

Everyone want to come play for you

And parents would always come to me and they'd say.

My son or daughter wants to come play at your university.

What is that that we have to do?

What are you looking for?

As being Socratic professor that I am.

I say what does your son or daughter do?

What do they do really well that we had be interested in.

And typically their answer are: they've got great vision.

They are really good.

They can see the entire field.

Oh my daughter is the fastest player. There's nobody can beat her.

My son got a greatest left-footer.

Really great in the air and can hit every ball.

Oh yeah not bad.

But to be quite honest with you.

Those are the last things I'm looking for.

The most important thing?

Self confidence.

Without that skill. And I use the word skill intentionally.

Without that skill. We are useless as a soccer player.

Because when you lose sight or believe in yourself.

We're done for.

I use the definition of self confidence to be the ability or the belief to believe in yourself to accomplish any task.

No matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity.

The belief that you can accomplish it, self confidence.

Some of you saying: great, I don't have it. I'm so shy. I'll never do that, blah, blah, blah.

And you start to drag all the way down here.

But I use the word skill.

Because I believe it can be trained.

And I will show you a couple of ways in which we do.

Hopefully I won't run out of time.

I don't use any slides.

Because my speech always goes here, here or here.

So we will see which way we get to.

The easiest way to build self confidence.

There is no magic button.

I can't say: Hey, this plane is going down. Who can fly? Put your hands up.

I can. I'm confident.

Repetition repetition repetition.

What does Malcom Gladwell call it, the 10000 hour rule.

There is no magic button.

I recruited a goalie from colombia, South America one year.

Big tall 6'3'' men.

You know he had hands like stone.

I thought he was like Flipper.

Every time I threw him the ball, down onto the ground.

I was like, oh my god, we are in trouble.

Simple solution. Get to the wall.

Kick a ball against the wall and catch it.

His goal was 350 a day for eight months.

And then he came back his hands were Calloused.

The moisture on his hand were literally gone.

He is now playing in europe.

Magic? no.

Repetition repetition and repetition.

  The problem is we expect to be self confident.

But we can't be unless the skill or the task we are doing is not novle, is not new to us.

We want to be in a situation where we have so much pressure in that.

And what I mean cause pressure builds diamonds.

We want to be in a situation where: hey, i've done this 1000 times.

I did my speech.

And I practiced in front of a mirror bla bla bla

Hey I'm sounding good.

And then I went in front of my kids, my wife.

I said, oh gosh, I got a little nervous.

Then i'd get in front of Glenn Gould.

Oh my god, I am a little more nervous.

By the time I get to the ACG.

Where 2500 people can't say any more ?right?

I won't have a single ounce of nervousness.

Because of my ability to practice.

Over and over and over again.

The problem of reputation is how many of us bail after the bit of failure.

How many of us bail after the first bit of adversity.

Edison was on the video.

And it depends who you ask.

There's anywhere from 1000 to 10000 times tries to build that light bulb.

J.K.Rowling should be on the video.

Do you know how many publishers? She took her harry potter book to?

I believe the number was 12 or 13.

I am pretty confident. But after two or three noes.

I'd like damn it.

After six or seven. I'd like maybe not.

Definitely after 9 or 10, I'd be looking to be a soccer coach or something else besides an author.

I mean 12 times somebody say no.

But practice, practice, practice and do not accept failure.

Maybe it shouldn't be repetition may be the answer should be persistence.

Because we all repete something but very few of us really will persist.

So that's one way to build self confidence.

Get out there.

Do what you want to do and do not accept no.

The other one is self talk.

We all have a safe trip that place in our head.

Anybody go shopping and put on a pair of pants this week?

If you are a woman. The first thing that always comes. Damn, I look fat in these pants.

And if you are a man. It's the opposite.

Oh, god, I got no muscle. I'm so flabby.

Right? We all have this tape the place in our head.

As a student, if they asked me the question.

It was like, oh god, please professor, don't pick me. I don't know the answer. I'd look down. Right?

When I let me tell you something.

And the VP of business administer here.

I shouldn't repeat this.

But when they hired me as an Athletics director.

I sat in an architect's meeting.

And I am as dumb as a post when it comes to anything to do with numbers and angles.

And they're like： The foundation value of the architecture. Um....

What do you think, dr. Johnson?

Um, let me look into that for you and get back to you.

I was in a oh, god, please don't ask me. Please don't ask me.

We all have this negative self talk that goes in our head.

Guess what?

There's enough people that are telling us we can't do.

That we are not good enough.

Why do we want to tell ourselves that.

We know for a fact that thoughts influence actions.

We saw it there with the video Sheldon, Dr.Levy showed.

We know that our thoughts influence our actions.

Why do we want to see that negative self talk to ourselves?

We need to get our own self affirmations.

Muhammad Ali, What was his self Information?

I am the greatest.

Who else is going to tell you?

There need to be quiet moment in your bedroom.

Quite a moment when you're brushing your teeth.

That we need to reaffirm.

I am the captain of my ship and the master of my feet.

That my Self affirmation.

I came from a school of 1000 students.

I lived in a town of 1000 people for 15 years.

There is no reason that I should be in charge of an athletics department, Building maple leaf gardens.

But I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.

If I don't see it, if I don't believe it, no one else will.

How do you build self confidence?

Get away from the people who will tear you down.

That's enough of that.

Mohammed ali, I am the greatest. There is no one better than me.

There is a different between hubris and ego and false pride.

It's just reminding yourself in quiet silent moment.

I put it down on a list.

It's right beside my mirror.

About all the things that make me who I am.

Because I make enough mistakes.

And newspapers will recognize it and people around me will recognize it.

And they will tear me down.

And pretty soon I will begin to believe it.

There was a time when my confidence was really low.

There was a time when I took this job, when I came from Lowa.

I don't know if I could do it.

I had to bring out my self confidence later.

A letter I wrote to myself when I was feeling good.

Ivn, congratulations on getting your PhD before 40.

Congratulations on winning a national championship.

Good job on raising three good kids and marrying the right woman.

I wrote a letter to myself.

It was my own brag sheet.

My own letter about the things I was proud of.

Because there are moments and we will all experience them in our career in our lives, in our job hunting, in our relationships when we are not feel good about who and what and where we are.

And I had to bring that letter and read it time and time again.

For a period of about two weeks to weather me through the storm.

It was important.

Stop that negative self talk.

If you watch, you'll see some athletes that have a little bandage  or a little brand around them. Nice Lance armstrong is a perfect one.

His self affirmation is: live strong.

It's not a brand. It was to remind him of who he was.

Live strong. Then it became a brand.

He would move that from one on to the next town when doubt and fear came into his mind.

Live strong. Put it on there. Let's go.

We all have it, we place it.

Two days to build self confidence.

I'm worried about my time.

I'm gonna tell you of one way.

You can build self confidence in others.

We are coach and educators.

We are teachers, we are people who will create value in the world.

And in doing that, we are critical by the nature of what we do.

I am a coach. I want you to score a goal.

The ball went over. Hi. Damn it. The ball went high.

Thank you, coach. I know that. Feedback tells me that.

So what do we do?

I need you to put elbow here.

I need you to put your knee over the ball.

I need you to follow thought.

Boom land great.

Notice I never made it as a professional.

What can we do?

We fix mistakes.

When I'm fixing that mistakes.

Johnny this is terrible.

You need to bend your knee. You need to do this. This this.

What have I done to Johnny's self confidence.

Bend your knee, then do this this.

Ignore what Johnny does wrong.

And find Bob or Sally or Freda over there.

Great goal Frada, I love how you kept your knee low.

You followed through, and you landed like this great job.

Johnny: um?

Great johnny's not demoralized.

His confidence isn't shot.

And what I've done this? I've built up Freda's.

Imagine how we could change the way we parented kids.

Instead of.

Get that glass off the counter. What's wrong with you?

We watch the mother, good.

Great job great job.

Thank you Alex, for taking your glass to the counter.

It sounds simple, but we forget about it.

As educators or as somebody as a team.

If we manage to praise the positive behavior that we wanted to reinforce.

We forgot it! it's simple.

Here's what we did.

There is a study in kansas that did this.

They did video and we all do video.

And we show the video of them doing the run of the play.

This call happened because the basket wasn't protected.

We didn't rotate here, right?

You need to do this and cover the slot.

And if that's the baseline of the kansas state team went like this.

Then they said they ignored all of that.

And they just show them the times they did it right.

The times they did it perfect.

That presented no goals spoke to the same point Improvement went like that.

It change and revolutionized the way we as coaches interact with our student athletes.

We can apply that to the business world.

We can apply that to our students group works.

We can apply that to our management teams.

Easy catch them when they're good.

Last and certainly not least.

My son is really good at this self confident people interpret feedback the way they choose to.

I asked my son who is by the far a terrible terrible athlete ?

Gets this from his dad.

How's the game?

Oh great. Scored three goals. I got two assists.

I'm like: I did not see him touch the ball!

But he has his own perception of how he did.

I love it.

I'm like： I remember when I was taken when I met my wife, it was in the commons.

Paulie Would you like to go to the movies?

Ladies tingle tingle tingle.

And she goes, uh, no.

I asked her again.

Of course I think she just hasn't seen me in the right light.

Maybe that's not the wrong shirt on.

Of course, I'm interpreting that the way I want to interpret it.

Finally I asked her out again.

She gave me this one moment, right? She sent it to her friend.

Of course, that's the way you did it back then.

She wouldn't date you unless there was the last person on Earth

hell was freezing over.

There was a small chance we had to save the planet Earth.

Some people it's like there's no chance.

I'm like. You're saying there's a chance.

Because that's how I'm gonna interpret it.

If I could give you one thing to take from this.

It is.

No one will believe in you.

Unless you do.

Listen to the words of that video.

Here's to the crazy ones.

The misfits the rebels the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes.

We are supposed to be different folks.

And when people look at us.

Believe in yourself.

Thank you.