Three Sure Ways to Create Confli

Three Sure Ways to Create Conflict

解决冲突的三种正确方法

Oct 19, 2016

2016年10月19日 by 华理克牧师

“Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (Proverbs 20:3 TEV).

“止息纷争是人的尊荣，愚妄人争闹不休。”（箴20:3 和合本修订版）

Wise people are peacemakers, not troublemakers. Wise people don’t carry a chip on their shoulder. They’re not always looking for a fight, and they don’t intentionally antagonize other people.

智慧人是使人和睦的人，不是制造麻烦的人。智慧人不会在他们的肩膀上放一个碎屑。他们不会总是去寻衅吵架，他们从不会故意与别人为敌。

The fact is, if you’re around anybody for any length of time, you’ll figure out what that person does that irritates you, and you file that information in the back of your mind as a tool to use when you get in an argument. It becomes a personal “weapon of mass destruction”! When you get in an argument, and that person says something that hurts, offends, or slights you in any way, then you pull out the big gun. You push the hot button. And it works every time!

事实上，如果你和任何人相处时间稍微长一点，你就能指出那个人使你不愉快的地方，然后你会在脑海中保存这些信息，并在争吵中当做工具使用。这就变成了你个人的“大规模杀伤性武器”！当你在争吵中，那个人说了一些冒犯、伤害、轻蔑你的话时，你就会使用这个大招。你按下这个热钮。并且它每次都能生效！

You know what the Bible calls that? Foolishness! You’re not getting any closer to the resolution. You’re not helping the relationship. In fact, you’re hurting it. It is not wise.

你知道圣经对此如何评价的吗？愚蠢至极！你这么做不能解决任何问题。你们的关系也没有得到任何改善。事实上，你在破坏它，这并非智慧之举。

Proverbs 20:3 says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (TEV).

箴言20:3说到，“止息纷争是人的尊荣，愚妄人争闹不休。”（和合本修订版）

We all use tools, tricks of the trade, and skills in relationships that are actually counter productive. They’re hurtful, they’re harmful, and they don’t get you what you want out of relationships. In fact, they get you the exact opposite behavior. But when we lack wisdom, we use them anyway.

我们在关系中都会使用工具，窍门，技巧，但却适得其反。它们是伤感情的，也是有害的，它们不会给你想要的关系。事实上，会起到完全相反的作用。但是当我们缺少智慧的时候，我们就会常常使用它们。

There are many of these tools, but here are just a few:

我们有许多工具，但是这里只记录了很少一部分：

Comparing. Never compare your wife, your husband, your kids, your boss, or anybody else, because everybody’s unique. Comparing antagonizes anger.

比较。永远不要拿你的妻子、丈夫、孩子、老板或者任何人去做比较，因为没一个人都是独一无二的。比较带来忿怒。

Condemning. When you start laying on the guilt in a relationship, all you’re going to do is get the exact opposite of what you expect. It doesn’t work. It’s foolish.

责备。当你开始在关系中给人定罪，你所做的一切所带来的结果都是与你的期望相反的。这没有任何效果，这很愚昧。

Contradicting. William James, the famous psychologist said, “Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook.” There’s some stuff you just need to overlook.

反驳。著名的心理学家威廉詹姆斯说，“智慧就是懂得忽略的艺术。”有许多的事情你需要去忽视掉。

The Bible says in Proverbs 14:29, “A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes” (TLB). Have you ever said or done anything stupid out of anger? Yes? Because when you get angry, your intelligence goes out the window. When you get angry, you say and do foolish things that are actually self-defeating.

圣经在箴言14:29说到，“不轻易发怒的，大有聪明；性情暴躁的，大显愚昧。”（和合本修订版）你是否有一些愚蠢愤怒的言行举止？是？因为当你生气的时候，你的智商就跳楼了。当你生气的时候，就会说蠢话，做蠢事，真是弄巧成拙。

Did you ever think about the fact that there is only one letter difference between “anger” and “danger”? When you get angry, you are in dangerous territory. You are about to hurt others — and yourself — with your own anger.

你有想过这个事情吗？“生气”和“危险”之间就差了一个字母。当你生气的时候，你已经到了危险的范围。你将会伤害他人——还有你自己——用你的愤怒。

Talk It Over

讨论问题

What are some of the tricks you’ve used to try to get what you want from a relationship?

你曾试图从关系中得到一些想要的东西，而使用过什么技巧？

What effect did those tricks have on your relationship?

那些技巧对你的人际关系有何影响？

Do you believe that anger is a choice? Why or why not?

你是否相信生气是一个选择？为什么？