As a psychologist, I hear every day about the emotional problems and challenges people struggle with — from depression and anxiety to relationship issues and low self-esteem.
But contrary to what you might imagine, people who come to therapy aren’t just full of problems. They’re actually overflowing with examples of strength, resilience, and courage as well.
And one surprising thing I’ve noticed over the years about mentally tough people is this:
Mental toughness is often about less, not more.
1. Getting lost in your own thoughts
Our ability to think, reason, problem-solve, and plan are all incredibly powerful and frequently beneficial. But they can also be double-edged swords that hurt us more than they help.
2. Using punishment to motivate yourself
It never ceases to amaze me how hard people are on themselves:
- The instant they make a mistake, they’re telling themselves what an idiot they are in their head.
- The second they start to feel sad, they berate themselves for being weak and soft.
- At the slightest hint of rejection or criticism, they’re meticulous in pointing out how worthless they are as people.
3.Prioritizing outcomes over growth
Be careful of tying your identity to your results in life.
The most unhappy people I’ve ever met seem to share a common trait: They’re obsessed with outcomes…
- They’re obsessed with getting perfect grades and being at the top of their class.
- They’re obsessed with having perfect kids, in a perfect house, in the right neighborhood, and working at the right company.
- They’re even obsessed with outcomes in their personal growth: They have to be happier, more confident, and free from bad moods. And now!
4. Not making time to be alone
For many people, the biggest obstacle to happiness and success in life is themselves.
Whether you’re trying to stick to a new diet, ace an upcoming job interview, or be a better partner or parent, often the biggest obstacle will be your own thoughts, beliefs, feelings and behaviors — in other words, your own psychology.
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