人总有感觉低落的时候，反反复复的。今天低落的原因是，似乎意识到自己是个自我感觉内心强大，但实际上能力薄弱的自大狂。想做的事情做不到，达不到自己的要求，也没法达到别人的要求。虽然后者不重要，但没法创造自己的世界，也没法融入别人的世界。这种感觉真的不太好。
纪录片剪不出来，总有一种压迫感。别的事情也一件一件压过来。什么都做不好。而想做的事情又一件件的出现。没办法做到简单专注。这是老天对我的考验。如果一直这样下去，我会处在自己很讨厌的一种状态中。我的梦想会成为一个瘤，在我的身体里隐隐作痛，不知道什么时候就会爆发一下，推翻我所有的生活逻辑。
从来没有完整的拿过一次完整的工资过。我一直知道自己的问题。自己的优点也是自己的缺点。我很了解自己。知道自己宝贵的地方。我不会让别人把它夺走的。否则，生活还有何期待。只是要怎么做呢。I know it's gonna take time. But it has been more than two years. I am losing confidence. And it's killing me. Basically, I've done nothing. The documentary is half way. The space is still half open. Everything's kinda right there but not there yet.
There's too much stuff to learn. Music. Piano. Composing. And there are many things I want to do. Writing books. More interviews. More videos. More events. More travels. More stories to be told.
I need some WOW moments to lift me up. I always try to be inspiring and I think most of time when I am inspiring I am just trying to be cute, trying to be brave to reveal the true self to the public. And that kind of moment may seem cute and inspiring to others, which makes me feel good. However, that can be fake. Because frankly speaking, I didn't really do anything. I was just asking questions that all other people may be also curious. I wasn't building up anything new or creative. No more cute moments. I need some serious stuff, some WOW, and more powerful feedback. I need something to speak up for me, not me proving things out of nothing to people who do not really care. Stay focus. You are brave. And be more brave. You are good.
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