# How to be an aldult in relatio

1 当你想要性时,你真正想要的是什么？

“We may feel we are simply looking for sex when we are actually seeking to be personally received and confirmed with the five A’s. When we are sexualize our needs in this way, we are recruiting our genitals for task they are not designed to for feel.”

“The duller the inner  life of people in relationships, The more sophisticated they search for thrills-For sensation without feeling.” for sensation without feeling.”

一旦开始用性的震撼去填补精神上渴望的亲密与肯定，那么你就赋予了你的生殖器官未被设计的作用，总有一天这个方法会失效。

二、当觉得非恋爱不可的时候，你需要做什么

When we feel the absolute need for a one to one love relationship, we are really meeting up with a strong need for personal work on ourselves.

It is not that erotic and intimate love are not worth a human pursuit only that they seem to work better if we approached  them with mindfulness . We relate to our desire for love mindfully by feeling it fully, witnessing how it changes and where it leads us, and excepting that it may or may not be fulfilled  soon.

强烈渴望恋爱的感觉有时是一种害怕与逃避面对内心恐慌的外化反应。并不是说一个成熟健康的人不会渴望情爱关系，而是他能与这种渴望和平相处而不被辖制，接受它也许短时间内不会被满足。

（关于罗曼关系的矛盾性下次再记吧）

# How to be an aldult in relationships # p117