16-9. Perfectionism

Recently, I've made a mistake, which is very regretful. However, I still can learn valuable experience from it-- Perfectionism. It is the source of this matter. And I also made a wish: Try to live a real life, treat myself well, then god will bless me to get through this problem.

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Notes below are from Harvard Positive Psychology : Perfectionism.

• Define: An incapacitating fear of failure that permeates our lives, especially those areas that we care about most.

• Common between perfection and excellence:

both of them are ambitious and hard-work.

• Difference:

**Schema**

perfection	excellence
straight line	spiral line
defensiveness	open to criticism
static(no improvisation, no deviation)	dynamic(fall down and get up)
over generalizes. It's all or nothing.	accept reality, humanity
focus on outcome	focus on what have achieved
always feel pressure, only feel temporary relax when achieve B point	enjoy the journey
fear failure	see failure as a feedback, a turning point to help them become who they are today
use full energy, no recovery	20/80 rule,sustainable apporach
reward only one achieve the final	reward in process, even failure

• Consequence of perfectionism:

  1.Experience temporary relax, only at they reach point B. Always stuck in pressure.
  2.Disorder. Eg. eating disorder.
  3.Low self-esteem. (Don't accept him/herself. Inevitable failure make perfectionism think him/herself as a failure. Less likely to try)
  4.Harms relationships. expect other person to be perfect, usually feel frustration, course there is no perfect person.
  5.There is no places for recovery, no places for deviation.

• Sources of perfectionism:

• Problems are easier to be resolved ,if we know what the cause is.

• Conditioning(社会影响): Destination is what really matter. The Journey goes unrewarded.

• Method apply to difficult times:(3P)

1.permission to be human. Accepting emotion, difficult.
2.focusing on the positive. Distraction, instead of think back over and over.
3.perspective. A lot of things that we wept about in our lives are small stuff. Try to Ask yourself: Is this really matter in a year from now?