TED演讲 The gospel of doubt |03

And this made me feel even more ridiculous -- hurt, really. But there on that night, I did not stop believing. I just believed a new thing: that it was possible not to believe. It was possible the answers I had were wrong, that the questions themselves were wrong. And now, where there was once a mountain of certitude, there was, running right down to its foundation, a spring of doubt, a spring that promised rivers. 

这让我心里感觉更荒谬了， 挺受伤的，真的。 但就在那一夜，我没有停止相信。 我只是相信了另一件事： 就是“一个人也可以选择不相信”。 很可能我的答案都是错的， 很可能问题本身就是错的。 现在，只要曾经耸立着信仰山峰的地方， 就会有一股小溪、 一股质疑的小溪一直流到山脚， 它注定会汇聚成河流。

I can trace the whole drama of my life back to that night in that church when my savior did not come for me; when the thing I believed most certainly turned out to be, if not a lie, then not quite the truth. And even though most of you prepared for Y2K in a very different way, I'm convinced that you are here because some part of you has done the same thing that I have done since the dawn of this new century, since my mother left and my father stayed away and my Lord refused to come. And I held out my hand, reaching for something to believe in. 

我人生中所有的戏剧性故事， 都可以追溯回教堂里那一晚， 那时我的救世主没有到来； 事实证明我无比确信的事物， 如果不是“谎言”的话， 至少也不是什么真理。 虽然在座大部分人迎接千禧年的方式大不相同， 但我相信你们之所以在这里， 就是因为你们有些人做过与我一样的事情， 新世纪开启之后， 我的母亲去世， 父亲离去， 我的救世主没来。 我伸出双手， 苦苦搜寻一丝能够让我相信的东西。

I held on when I arrived at Yale at 18, with the faith that my journey from Oak Cliff, Texas was a chance to leave behind all the challenges I had known, the broken dreams and broken bodies I had seen. But when I found myself back home one winter break, with my face planted in the floor, my hands tied behind my back and a burglar's gun pressed to my head, I knew that even the best education couldn't save me. 

当我18岁到耶鲁大学时， 我相信从德州的小镇一路走来， 就有机会摆脱一切我所历经的困苦与艰难， 摆脱那些破碎的梦想、 残疾的躯体。 但当我寒假回乡， 脸被摁在地上、双手被绑在身后、强盗的手枪顶着我的脑袋时， 我知道，即使是最好的教育也救不了我。

I held on when I showed up at Lehman Brothers as an intern in 2008. 

2008年当我到雷曼兄弟实习时， 我也搜寻着。

So hopeful -- that I called home to inform my family that we'd never be poor again. 

充满了希望，我兴奋地打电话给家人， 说我们永远不会再贫穷了。

But as I witnessed this temple of finance come crashing down before my eyes, I knew that even the best job couldn't save me. 

但当我亲眼看着这座金融圣殿就在眼前坍塌时， 我知道，即使是最好的工作也救不了我。

I held on when I showed up in Washington DC as a young staffer, who had heard a voice call out from Illinois, saying, "It's been a long time coming, but in this election, change has come to America." But as the Congress ground to a halt and the country ripped at the seams and hope and change began to feel like a cruel joke, I knew that even the political second coming could not save me. 

当我在华盛顿特区做一名年轻职员时，我搜寻着， 我听见伊利诺伊州的一个声音： （指奥巴马竞选演说） “大家等待的太久了，” “但这次选举， 美国将会迎来变革。” 但当国会停滞， 国家几乎分崩离析，所谓希望和变革都变成了残酷的玩笑时， 我知道，即使是政治的新生也救不了我。

I had knelt faithfully at the altar of the American Dream, praying to the gods of my time of success, and money, and power. But over and over again, midnight struck, and I opened my eyes to see that all of these gods were dead. 

我在美国梦的圣坛前虔诚地跪拜着， 向时代的伟人们祈祷， 祈求成功、金钱和权利。 但是一再地， 午夜来临，我睁开双眼， 看见这些神话全都破灭了。