But planning time was over now. It was 11:50pm.We had 10 minutes left,and my pastor called us out of the pews and down to the altar because he wanted to be praying when midnight struck. So every faction of the congregation took its place. The choir stayed in the choir stand, the deacons and their wives --or the Baptist Bourgeoisie as I like to call them, took first position in front of the altar.You see, in America, even the Second Coming of Christ has a VIP section.
但是做准备的时间早过了。已经是晚上11:50了。我们还剩10分钟，牧师让我们从长凳上起身， 走到下面的圣坛，因为他想让我们在午夜来临的一刻一起祈祷。于是会众分成几批，到了指定位置。唱诗班还在小舞台上，教堂执事和他们的妻子——其实我更喜欢叫他们 “浸会资产阶级” 在圣坛前的第一排坐下。你们知道，在美国，即使是基督复临之夜 都有VIP专座的。
And right behind the Baptist Bourgeoisie were the elderly --these men and women whose young backs had been bent under hot suns in the cotton fields of East Texas, and whose skin seemed to be burnt a creaseless noble brown, just like the clay of East Texas, and whose hopes and dreams for what life might become outside of East Texas had sometimes been bent and broken even further than their backs.
而就在"浸会资产阶级"后面的， 是老一辈的人—— 这些男男女女年轻时的背脊， 早已在东德州的棉花田里被炽烈的阳光晒弯了， 皮肤被灼成了平滑高贵的棕色， 就如东德州的陶土一样， 他们对东德州外的生活和世界那些美好的幻想和梦境， 有时比他们的背脊更加残破。
Yes, these men and women were the stars of the show for me.They had waited their whole lives for this moment, just as their medieval predecessors had longed for the end of the world, and just as my grandmother waited for the Oprah Winfrey Show to come on Channel 8 every day at 4 o'clock.And as she made her way to the altar,I snuck right in behind her, because I knew for sure that my grandmother was going to heaven.And I thought that if I held on to her hand during this prayer,I might go right on with her.
是的——这些男人女人， 才是我的偶像、明星。 他们为了这一刻等了一辈子， 就像他们中世纪的先辈们渴盼世界末日一样， 就像我的祖母渴盼奥普拉脱口秀一样， 每天四点在第八频道准时播出。 当她走向圣坛时， 我悄悄溜到她身后， 因为我非常确信， 我的祖母是要上天堂的。 我想，假如我在这次祷告中紧紧握住她的手， 我可能会跟她一起走。
So I held on and I closed my eyes to listen, to wait.And the prayers got louder.And the shouts of response to the call of the prayer went up higher even still.And the organ rolled on in to add the dirge.And the heat came on to add to the sweat.And my hand gripped firmer, so I wouldn't be the one left in the field.My eyes clenched tighter so I wouldn't see the wheat being separated from the chaff.And then a voice rang out above us:"Amen."
于是我抓紧了， 我合上双眼， 倾听， 等待。 祷告声更大了。 回应祷告声的叫喊 同样的更大了。 风琴响起，与挽歌的声音交织起来。 热浪席卷，手心的汗水更加酸涩。 我的手攥得更紧了， 我不想被上帝遗弃。 我的眼睛闭得更紧了， 我不想看到精华被带走， 糟粕被落下。 突然一个声音在头顶回响： “阿门。”
It was over.I looked at the clock.It was after midnight.I looked at the elder believers whose savior had not come, who were too proud to show any signs of disappointment, who had believed too much and for too long to start doubting now.But I was upset on their behalf.They had been duped, hoodwinked, bamboozled, and I had gone right along with them.I had prayed their prayers,I had yielded not to temptation as best I could.I had dipped my head not once, but twice in that snot-inducing baptism pool.I had believed.Now what?
结束了。 我看看钟。 已经过了午夜。 我看着长辈信徒们， 他们的救世主没来， 他们太骄傲，以至于没有展现哪怕一丁点失落， 他们笃信得太深、太久， 现在也未曾怀疑。 但是我为他们感到气愤。 他们被愚弄了， 被哄骗了，被迷惑了， 然而我还跟着他们一起受骗。 我做了他们做的祷告， 我努力地抵抗心中的欲望。 我不是一次，而是两次， 一头栽到那个让人感冒流鼻涕的洗礼池里。 我曾相信过。 现在怎么办？
I got home just in time to turn on the television and watch Peter Jennings announce the new millennium as it rolled in around the world.It struck me that it would have been strange anyway, for Jesus to come back again and again based on the different time zones.
我回家打开电视， 刚好赶上彼得·詹宁斯宣布新千年， 全世界都在欢庆新年。 我突然发觉，无论怎么想都很奇怪， 耶稣要一次又一次复临人间， 只是因为各地的时区不一样。
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