To Dearest Humbert

I remember the last time I saw you.

You are panic. You are in pain.

Your heart is burning on fire.

Your eyes are like a deer that gets hurt.

To Dearest Humbert

I couldn't look you into the eye,

I am afraid I would drown.

You told me you don't want to hurt her.

You said you appreciate my accompany

I thought it's going to be one of those old days.

All memories flash back.

The stars we saw together that night shine.

To Dearest Humbert

But you said everything is different since I left.

There is no room for me anymore.

But I lost myself, and I lost my faith.

I am lonely.

You said I have to be strong.

I know it isn't about her, is about you.

People make bad decisions,

but it doesn't matter.

When I die,

I only suffer from the regret of what if.

But your pro and cons chase me off.

You said I am beautiful,

smart and young,

and you are a man.

The mistake is inevitable if I stay.

To Dearest Humbert

What are you afraid of, babe?

Life is about love and passion.

Once we miss it, there is no way back.

Sometimes ,I felt that I can't breath,

life is dragging me down.

Into the deepest emptiness

I can't smile, if I live, I die

I am the puppet who is awake,

and found out life is a joke

To Dearest Humbert

But what can I do rather than continue this absurd life

My eternity consciousness stuck into a fragile and incomplete container

That's gonna decay and eaten by maggot soon or later

I want to exist, I want to leave

I can't exist, I can't leave

Save me, I said, please, love

---

Here you are, given me warmth and understanding

Open my isolation, wipe my tears

Give me strength, heal my sadness

Awaken my heart from hibernation

To Dearest Humbert

I've  been through too much

I've seen it all, ugliness and darkness

When I decide not to give my heart to trust anyone,

you came in without invitation

Now you said it is because of her

You said it should end

To prevent further mistakes

I don't know what to say

I ask you what I should do

You said part of you want me to stay,

part of you don't

To Dearest Humbert

I know what you are suffering

Moral judgement and emotional impulse

You are afraid that you are playing with fire,

too close to the restriction line

I say a free will don't even exist

A trick of creator that deceive us as if our thoughts are independent

Cause if you say it's good, then it's evil

Morality, like religion is a virus

that prevent the stupid crowd's cannibalism

Does that even matter when we become a maggot's meal?

To Dearest Humbert

Let me tell you the truth

The dark you look at is not dark,

the white is not white

What you believe and you think you believe by your own choices is uncertain

That's all I wanna say,

and I know you can't hear anymore

But still, thanks to listen to my nonsense for so long

Thanks for the good memories back in times

Thanks for being with me and tolerate my madness

I should get going,

there is no time for me to waste

My journey begins, to the end

But I will remember you

Remember you as the fireworks burst out in a dark sky

To Dearest Humbert