I asked him if I could go to his house to spend the night as I did need a place to spend overnight sometimes to fake I was still in love with him. As he promised he didn’t refuse but he made sure if I would feel comfortable. I said, escaping wasn’t a good idea, we would be fine.
Last Saturday
He asked if I need a pickup, I said I would go there by myself, so did I. Was thinking if I could get him a bunch of flowers as he got me that low income apartment, that was a huge favor. Also as I said I would take this meeting as our first time, the first time I got yellow flowers for him, that’s romantic memory which I always thought of. But at the end I went without flowers.
I arrived his house, his door was half open, I wondered if he let his cats out. I opened his door, called his name, he didn’t answer, so I walked in, saw him cleaning in his bathroom. I said Hi, with a big smile, as usual. He said Hi, looked bit tired and blue, continued working. I took off my coat then he walked out. We hugged, he said nice to see me again, of course I was very happy to see him again.
I told him I could not find the games cards he bought for me, my original plan was to ask him to play the game Magic The Gathering with me. I saw there was bunch of gaming cards on his tea table, I checked them one by one, cool characters. He decided to go to a store, I went with him. We went to Target, I stopped by the Halloween aisle to look at the little cute stuff, he picked up some for my kids. I wondered what he was there for, later found out he was going to get me the same cards which I looked, new version. Then he also picked up some good books for my kids, I insisted to pay the kids stuff but he didn’t take No for answer. He was as nice as he used to be, a super nice guy.
He asked what I felt like to have for dinner, I said I wasn’t hungry and I was on diet, again he didn’t take No for answer, bought nice food from the store and he was going to cook them. He bought artichokes and fish, the same food we had in the first time I went to his house. My heart was filled with sweet memory at that moment.
Then as he promised, he took me to practice my driving. Again, I was not very confident on myself, but he was. So I was super happy and could not believe that I drove on three main roads, and drove by my Dad’s house, said Hi to my Dad then went back to his house. More like dreaming, I practiced two hours, he must be starving.He surprised me a lot, I was very appreciated.
When I went to take a shower, he cooked dinner. Like the first time, he pulled off the leaves of my artichoke. I really wished we could start over. We had dinner, we watched Twilight Zone-Room 22, nightmare could be a warning which would save your life, breaking up could be a good starting of a forever relationship, I thought. But by thinking of not able to kiss him again and call him Honey again, I was sad.
We took a walk after dinner, we hugged lots and lots, I appreciated that he let me hug him still, since we broke up, I hadn’t seen him for almost 40days, I missed him a lot.
I was very tired, it was about 10 PM, I said to him I wanted to sleep. He put a nice and cozy blanket on his couch, made my “bed”. I laid down, he stood by the TV, said whenever I wanted to come here, I would be very welcomed. And He was always eager to do more things for friends that freak people out sometimes blah blah . “Friend” was the word, my sorrow blew up, I wanted to keep him as mine as long as I could, but if loving me for him was difficult, what could I do. He was so nice, He made me fall for him, but I was willing and actually I chased him. Oh God, I started to sob, tried to be quiet, he thought he was too noisy. He walked away. Later he went back to tell me, if I needed anything just let him know. I ran to him and hugged him again. “So you are not sick of me yet?” He asked. “Of course not.” About three minutes, he let me go, “Get some sleep”.
I crashed, could not get him off my head. I thought I would have done better than now, being cool and acted normal as a friend of his. He was happy to see me again, but I didn’t know if he loved me as I loved him still. I felt I lost the ability to love again, he said true we were in different life stage, what I could do for him as I would be in the same situation for many years, I had to take care of my kids first. I could not sleep at all.
Got up in the morning, washed face and brushed my teeth, looked in the mirror, I was not looking good. “Girl, cheer up, you have to cheer up”, I said to myself. Got everything ready, I found the money he gave me for taxi, I put it under his wallet. Thought about giving him a kiss on his cheek or forehead, but I didn’t want to wake him up. He wasn’t feeling well for days. I left.
When I showed up in his house, he asked suggestion about keeping his beard or not. I said I liked better without, I told him the reason before, he could not remember. I didn’t give him answer. Back to last year, before we met, he asked on OKCupid messenger if I like his beard, I answered I liked without better. The reason was, I was thinking about kissing him, more convenient. He didn’t know I fell love with him even before seeing him. Later we were dating, I told him what I was thinking when he asked that question, he laughed.
I admitted I was very weak still, during the relationship, I vented all the time, being stressful for what Kids Grandma and Kids father did, I didn’t realize I was running out time with my man. Until the moment I lost him, after hours and hours panic, I wished I wasn’t that stupid, all these little strikes added up, could not beat 1/10 of the pain I lost him. So I calmed down a lot after weeks, ran back to him, as his friend, or girl friend which I thought I was. Deep in my heart, he will be my boyfriend forever, yes, forever.
网友评论