For Julia, in the Deep Water
一一John N. Morris
The instructor we hire
because she does not love you
Leads you into the deep water,
The deep end
Where the water is darker –
Her open, encouraging arms
That never get nearer
Are merciless for your sake.
You will dream this water always
Where nothing draws nearer,
Wasting your valuable breath
You will scream for your mother –
Only your mother is drowning
Forever in the thin air
Down at the deep end.
She is doing nothing,
She never did anything harder.
And I am beside her.
I am beside her in this imagination.
We are waiting
Where the water is darker.
You are over your head,
Screaming, you are learning
Your way toward us,
You are learning how
In the helpless water
It is with our skill
We live in what kills us
在深水区等你
雇她
因为她不爱你,
她带你到深水区
那里深不见底,
她似乎毫无仁爱地鼓励你
任你浮沉
张开的手臂却触不可及
你在连根稻草都抓不到的水里
尖叫着喊妈妈
用你肺里仅有的一点空气,
而你的妈妈
她也仿佛正溺在
空气稀薄的深水里,
挣扎着控制自己。
而我正站在她身旁
我们在艰难地等你
在那更暗的深水区,
看着你尖叫
沉浮
挣扎着游向我们,
等着你自己越过
那会让你溺亡的深水区。
女儿说,如果不是我告诉过她,关于她小时候学游泳的经历,她恐怕不会很好地理解这首诗。
她学游泳时约五六岁,当教练把她放水里任她浮沉时,她疯狂地喊妈妈,教练让我离开,我掩面逃离时,耳边都是她喊妈妈的声音。
现在想起还音犹在耳。“妈妈!救命啊!”她这么喊的。
终于她学完那一课出来时,我才恢复了正常的呼吸。
记得我问她:你要不要以喝水?
她说:不要,我已经喝饱了。
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