How to say the unsayable: ways to approach a sensitive, daunting conversation
“难以开口的话”如何说出口：对于处理令人却步的敏感谈话，这里有一些方法
There's a conversation you're avoiding. It feels important, the stakes are high and you are putting it off.*** But delaying doesn't solve anything. Getting started might involve some awkward moments, but, after that, the situation is open for discussion and exploration.
你正在逃避一次谈话。你感到这场谈话很重要；它的成败很关键；你在拖延它。但是，拖延不能解决任何问题。开启（这场谈话）也许会让你面对一些尴尬时刻，但一旦开始，当前的困境就有了被讨论和深入探索的可能性。
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Tried and tested approaches can help to smooth the way. Here are some useful tips from my experience as a psychotherapist and doctor.
一些在实践中被反复验证的方法能为这样的谈话铺平道路。以下，就是我作为心理治疗师和医生，根据相关的从业经验，总结出的一些实用建议。
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Listen to understand
用倾听促进理解
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Instead of working out what to say next while the other person is speaking, just listen. Check your understanding by repeating what you heard with empathy, starting with something like: "Have I got this right? You feel …" Repeating their viewpoint back also helps the other person to feel heard and respected.
在对方说话的时候，不要去想自己下一步要说什么，倾听就好。怀着同理心去复述你所听到的话语，以此来验证自己的理解是否准确，例如用这样的语句来开头：“我理解的对吗？你感觉……”复述对方的观点同样有助于让对方感到被倾听、被尊重。
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In conversations about disagreement, try to present the most positive aspects of the other person's view: it helps both of you to find common ground.
当交谈中遇到分歧时，试着去呈现对方观点中最积极的方面：这会对你们达成共识有所帮助。
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Support, don't 'fix'
要支持，不要“解决”
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Instead of proposing ways to fix a problem, ask instead what solutions they have considered or what they would advise someone else in their situation to do. It's surprising how often a person feeling completely stuck can tell you the great advice they would give a friend in the same position.***
不要提出解决问题的方案，而是询问对方已经考虑了什么方案，或者问他们，如果另一个人面临他们（当前的）处境，他们会给此人怎样的建议。一个令人惊讶的事实是，一个被（自己的境况）完全困住的人，却往往能给你提出极好的建议，他们往往能把这些建议提供给身处同样情境的朋友。
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Look after yourself
照顾好你自己
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If you are left feeling unsettled by a conversation, remember to treat yourself kindly. Some people take five minutes to walk outdoors or to focus on their breathing. These "mindful moments" help us to recentre ourselves.
如果一次谈话让你感到心烦意乱，记得对自己体贴一些。有些人会（在谈话结束后）花五分钟出门散步，或者把注意力集中在呼吸上。这些“正念时刻”有助于让我们的内心重新平静下来。
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Don't pick up the other person's burden: the solution is for them to find, but compassionate conversation can help others to process their experiences. That is often help enough.
不要背负他人的重担：解决办法需要他们自己去寻找，但充满同情的谈话能够帮他们消化自己的经历。这样的帮助通常便已足够。
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主编：夏天、阿翀
品控：夏天
审核：Seika
重点词汇
approach
/əˈproʊtʃ/
v. 处理（某事）
词性拓展：approach（n.（处理事情的）方法）
英文释义：a way of dealing with something
英文释义：deal with something
例句：We need to approach the problem with caution.
sensitive
/ˈsen.sə.t̬ɪv/
adj. 敏感的
搭配短语：a baby's sensitive skin
搭配短语：a sensitive topic
daunting
/ˈdɑːn.t̬ɪŋ/
adj. 令人却步的；使人气馁的
相关词汇：daunt（v. 使人胆怯或气馁）
近义词：frighten
例句：They are daunted by the idea of bearing children.
the stakes are high
（某事的）风险很高
相关词汇：stake（n. 风险；赌注，赌金）
近义表达：sth. is risky
get started
开始（做某事）
例句：Let's get started with the lesson.
awkward
/ˈɑː.kwɚd/
adj.（事物）令人尴尬的；（人）拘谨的，笨拙的
例句：We feel awkward if someone is watching us.
近义词：embarrassing
搭配短语：an awkward silence
exploration
/ˌek.spləˈreɪ.ʃən/
n. 探究
相关词汇：explore（v. 考察；探索，深入讨论）
搭配短语：explore a problem
搭配短语：explore a place
tried and tested
(方法）在实践中被反复验证的，屡试不爽的
相关词汇：try（v. 尝试；实验）
搭配短语：a tried and tested recipe
smooth the way
为……铺平道路，为……提前扫清障碍
相关词汇：smooth（adj. 平坦的）
词性拓展：smooth（v. 把……弄平整）
例句：This agreement will smooth the way to peace.
work out
想出
搭配短语：work out a solution to a problem
empathy
/ˈem.pə.θi/
n. 同理心；共情能力
词根词缀：em-（在……的里面）
词根词缀：-pathy（感受）
近义词：sympathy
搭配短语：have / has great sympathy with sb.
viewpoint
/ˈvjuː.pɔɪnt/
n. 观点
词义辨析：viewpoint, view, opinion
viewpoint 常指经过仔细思考后形成的观点，较为严谨和客观；而 view 和 opinion 词义基本一致，常用来指比较主观的、个人化的观点。
搭配短语：strong opinions / views
例句：Use specific facts to support your viewpoint.
common ground
共同的立场，共识
相关词汇：common（adj. 共同的）
相关词汇：ground（n. 土地）
搭配短语：seek common ground while reserving differences（求同存异）
propose
/prəˈpoʊz/
v. 建议
近义词：suggest, advise
词义辨析：propose, advise
propose 带有“商量”的意味，语气较为温和；而 advise 则更倾向于一种“指导性的建议”。
例句：Experts advise that sunscreen be reapplied every one to two hours.
搭配短语：propose to sb.（求婚）
stuck
/stʌk/
adj. 卡住的，被困住的
搭配短语：get stuck in…
例句：My foot got stuck in the mud.
例句：The car got stuck in a traffic jam.
搭配短语：get stuck in a toxic relationship
搭配短语：get stuck in a dead-end job
position
/pəˈzɪʃ.ən/
n. 处境，情况
近义词：situation
搭配短语：get stuck in an awkward position
sb. be left doing sth. / leave sb. doing sth.
给某人造成了……后果
例句：It has left shareholders suffering huge losses.
unsettled
/ʌnˈset̬.əld/
adj. 内心不平静的，心烦意乱的
相关词汇：settle（v. 解决（问题），平息（争论）；平息（情绪））
搭配短语：to settle a problem or disagreement
例句：She breathed deeply to settle her nerves.
mindful
/ˈmaɪnd.fəl/
adj. 正念的；对……警觉的，留神的
例句：We should be mindful of every step we take.
recentre
/'ri:'sentə/
v. 让……重新冷静下来，恢复理智
相关词汇：centred（adj.（人）理智清醒的，镇定自若的）
英文释义：to cause oneself to become centred again
burden
/ˈbɝː.dən/
n. 重担，负担
搭配短语：financial burden
例句：His illness placed a heavy burden on his family.
compassionate
/kəmˈpæʃ.ən.ət/
adj. 充满同情的
相关词汇：compassion（n. 同情）
近义词：sympathy
词义辨析：compassion, sympathy
两词均可指“同情”之意，区别在于，compassion 的程度更深，具体而言，sympathy 单指精神上为弱者的境遇感到难过，而 compassion 则更多一层“试图施以援手”的含义。
搭配短语：a deeply compassionate person
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