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写作练习:翻译《玩具屋九讲》第七讲

写作练习:翻译《玩具屋九讲》第七讲

作者: 谢行知 | 来源:发表于2016-05-17 22:17 被阅读78次

    第七讲:校园中的凌虐

    原文

    ‘Pooh, I’m not frightened,’ said Lena. Suddenly she gave a little squeal and danced in front of the other girls. ‘What! Watch me! Watch me now!’ said Lena. And sliding, gliding, dragging one foot, giggling behind her hand, Lena went over to the Kelveys.

    Lil looked up from her dinner. She wrapped the rest quickly away. Our Else stopped chewing. What was coming now?

    ‘It is true you’re going to be a servant when you grow up, Lil Kelvey ?’ shrilled Lena.

    Dead silence. But instead of answering, Lil only gave her silly, shamefaced smile. She didn’t seem to mind the question at all. What a sell for Lena! The girls began to titter.

    Lena couldn’t stand that. She put her hands on her hips; she shot forward. ‘Yah, yer father’s in prison!’ she hissed, spitefully.

    This was such a marvellous thing to have said that the lilltle girls rushed away in a body, deeply, deeply excited, wild with joy. Some one found a long rope, and they began skipping. And never did they skip so high, run in and out so fast, or do such daring things as on that morning.

    In the afternoon Pat called for the Burnell children with the buggy and they drove home. There were visitors. Isabel and Lottie, who liked visitors, went upstairs to change their pinafores. But Kezia thieved out at the back. Nobody was about; she began to swing on the big white gates of the courtyard. Presently, looking along the road, she saw two little dots. They grew bigger, they were coming towards her. Now she could see that one was in front and one close behind. Now she could see that they were the Kelveys …

    作者翻译

    “呸,我才不怕呢!”伦娜说,她突然轻轻地尖叫了一声。在其他女孩跳起舞来。“看好!看着我!现在看我的!”伦娜说,她拖着一只脚在地上滑着,溜着,用手捂着嘴咯咯地笑着,来到凯尔维姐妹前面。

    正在吃午餐的丽儿抬起头来,她迅速地将剩下的食物包起来放在一旁,宝贝艾尔西也停止了咀嚼。现在又是怎么回事?

    “丽儿·凯尔维,你长大了要去当佣人,对吗?”伦娜尖着桑子问。

    四周鸦雀无声。不过丽儿没有回答,只是照平常一样地腼腆傻笑着,她似乎完全不在意这个问题。伦娜大失所望,女孩们开始嗤嗤地偷笑了。

    伦娜可受不了。她两手叉腰,身子往前一冲。“你爸爸是个犯人!”她恶狠狠地嘶叫。

    说穿了这件事是多么痛快,小女孩们哔地一声跑开了。她们都非常兴奋,有点欣喜若狂了。有人找来一根长麻绳,大家就跳起绳来,她们也从来没有像那天上午,跳得那样高,进进出出跳得那么快,做出那些大胆的花样来。

    下午,派特赶着轻便马车找伯内尔家的孩子们,他们一起驾车回家。家里有客人来了。喜欢家有客的伊莎贝尔和洛蒂上楼换围裙去了。可是姬采仪却从后门偷偷溜了出去。四周一个人也没有,她攀在院子里那扇宽大的白色大门上,开始荡来荡去。没过多久,她沿着马路望去,看见两个小黑点。黑点渐渐变大,朝着她走来。接着,她能看见一个在前,一个在后。现在,他看清了那是凯威尔姐妹俩。

    我的翻译

    “呸,我才不怕呢,” Lena 尖声道——跳到 Kelvey 姐妹面方,“喂!大家看过来!立马看着我!” Lena 大摇大摆,背着手,一脸坏笑地朝 Kelvey 姐妹走过来。

    Lil 抬起头,迅速把剩下的午餐包好。宝贝 Else 哽咽了。这是什么情况?

    “你长大后肯定会当佣人。是吧, Lil Kelvey? ” Lena 耸肩问道。

    死一般的寂静。出乎意料, Lil 没有回答,只是对 Lena 傻笑。她看似一点也不在乎这个问题。 Lena 多尴尬呀!女孩儿们开始偷笑。

    Lena 愤怒了。她把手指放在嘴唇上,得寸进尺:“你爸爸在监狱里!”

    这件事瞬间让女孩儿们兴奋了起来!她们一哄而散,整个身心都充满了欢乐。有人找了长绳,开始跳着玩。她们从没跳得如此开心过,跳来跳去——她们从未在早上做过这么好玩的事情。

    那条下午, Pat 用马车将 Burnell 家的孩子接了回去。她们看起来像游客。 Isabel 和 Lottie

    ——她们喜欢“游客”——上楼穿上了自己的围裙。但是 Kezia 偷偷溜到后门,打开庭院里的白色大门。片刻后,沿着路望去,她看到了两个小点。小点越来越大,朝着她走来。她们一前一后走着。终于,她看清了,原来是 Kelvey 姐妹。

    自评

    文采之美

    • 开头写Lena当着大家的面嘲弄Kelvey姐妹俩,一系列动作描写——sliding,gliding,giggling,有重复的节奏感,画面生动。

    • ‘Yah, yer father’s in prison!’——此句中Yah、yer、father都是底层工人阶级的语言。Lena以语言模仿来挖苦对方,企图达到嘲讽效果。十分符合小孩子的恶作剧心理。

    故事之美

    • Kelvey小姐妹遭到同学嘲弄,整个事件明显分为三个阶段。
    1. 伦娜说出了“长大当女佣”为导火索;
    2. Lena当众讲出Kelvey姐妹父亲在监狱。事件达到高潮;
    3. 小孩子都疏散,跳绳去了。即高潮后的纾解阶段。

    逻辑之美

    • 为什么小孩在眼睁睁看到Kelvey姐妹遭到嘲弄后,会出现'deeply excited'
      的心理状态?为什么跳绳会'skip so high'?因为伦娜做了大家都不敢做的事情,群童得到 vicarious satisfacation (替代的满足)因此欢天喜地不能自已。跳绳也是某种兴奋之后的 catharsis (宣泄)。

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