Did you see "I'm a Millionaire" last night?
你昨晚看"我是百万富翁"了吗？
"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" It's called. No, I didn't.
那节目叫"谁想成为百万富翁"。我没看。
Well, you are not going to Adam and believe this.
你肯定不会相信这事，就像你不会成为亚当一样。
Ah. Okay, do these make me look like a bastard?
哦，好吧。我这身打扮看着像坏蛋吗？
Why do you wanna look like a bastard?
你为什么要扮成坏蛋？
I've got that date tonight, she's expecting a monster. Do these me make look like a bastard?
今晚我要去赴那个约会，他希望来一个恶人。我这身打扮的像坏蛋吗？
They make you look like an idiot. Anyway, did you see it? What?
你这身打扮让你像个白痴。先不说这个，到底看了没？看啥？
"Do you want to be a Millionaire?"
"你想成为百万富翁吗？"。
"Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
是"谁想成为百万富翁？"。
Ow!"Who wants to be a person who is wrong?"
哦！应该是"谁想成为答错的人？"
What...What's happened?
怎么回事...到底怎么了？
If I may... Sure. Guess who was on it last night!
你介意吗...说吧。猜猜昨晚谁上那节目了？
You! No, Daniel. King of men. Daniel was on "Millionaire"?
你？不，是丹尼尔，男人中的王者。丹尼尔参加"百万富翁"了？
Indeed he was, sir. And it was the "Do you want to phone a friend"... It's just "Phone a friend". Anyway.
这位先生，你答对了。在"想不想打电话求助"的环节...是"电话求助"环节。差不多。
She was the "Phone a friend"?
他打电话问她了？
She was the "Phone a friend". You're the "Phone a friend"! What was the subject?
他打电话问她了。他打电话问你了！关于什么的？
Classical music is the extraordinary answer to that question.
古典音乐是这个问题绝佳的答案。
So who of course is Daniel, our estimed temp security guard, going to phone but Jonathan Miller over here.
自然，我们受人尊敬的临时保安丹尼尔，给这位人才打了电话。
Think Daniel was on Millionaire. Too bad it wasn't 50/50. It was.
丹尼尔去的是"百万富翁"。可惜不是二选一的题。就是二选一。
And? I got it wrong. Oh!
然后呢？我答错了。哎呦！
I cost 31,000 pounds. Hahahaha!
我害他损失了31000镑。哈哈哈哈哈！
It isn't funny though. Now I have to go on a date with him.
这事一点都不好笑。我现在要去跟他约会了。
Wow! The rules on that show have really changed!
哇！那节目的规则改了？
No, you don't understand. He asked me out on the show before I got the question wrong.
不，你不了解。他昨天在节目上，在我答错题之前约我出去。
It was all very romantic. But now...I don't think he likes me now.
这本来是件很浪漫的约会。可是现在...他现在肯定不喜欢我了。
And I don't wanna go out with the biggest loser in England...There you are! Daniel...
我也不想跟英格兰第一大衰人约会...你来啦！丹尼尔...
Hi. Hi, you. Gonna go for this meal then.
你好。你好。我们去吃饭吧。
Yeah. Yeah, I can't wait. I'm gonna take you to one of my favourite restaurants. Right.
好啊，我都等不及了。我带你去一家我最喜欢的餐厅。行。
I'll pay. It really is the least I can do.
我请客。我至少能做到这个。
Oh my God! Did you see that look? I have a dinner date with that man.
苍天呐！看到他那表情了吗？我要跟那个男人共进晚餐。
If I'm not here tomorrow, I want you to call the police.
如果我明天没来上班，希望你们帮我报警。
Maybe not the best time to mention it, but also you owe me 20 quids.
或许现在不是提这事的最佳时间，不过你也欠我二十磅呢。
What? You got a response? with the one that ended: "No dogs"? Yep.
不会吧？你收到回复了？那条结尾写"狗类勿扰"的广告？没错。
Oh my God, brilliant! More money gone!
天哪，真背！我的钱又少了！
Well, now the money that Daniel lost wasn't really yours, was it? It would have been if I'd married him, Moss.
丹尼尔输的钱并不是你的，对吗？我要是跟他结婚，那就成我的了，莫斯。
I need a good restaurant. Maybe if he likes the food, he won't beat me to death with a shoe.
我得找家好餐厅。或许他一看到美食，就不会用鞋子把我打死了。
I thought you said you'd take him to one of your favourite restaurants.
我记得你说要带他去你最喜欢的餐厅啊。
Haven't you got it yet? That's what I do: I lie...I lie and I lie and...I lie!
你还没明白吗？我能做的只有说谎、说谎、再说谎！
Well, I went to a good place recently. Nice atmosphere. Food's great. Really? Yes. Why?
好吧，我最近去了家好餐厅。环境优雅，食物美味。真的假的？当然是真的，怎么了？
Sorry, I just didn't have you down as a restaurant person.
抱歉，我只是没想到你居然也会下馆子。
I'm a restaurant person. Why wouldn't I be a restaurant person? Cheese string?
我当然会下馆子。我怎么就不能下馆子了？要来点芝士条吗？
No, thanks. What's this place called?
不用了，多谢。那地方叫什么？
Messijoes.
Messijoes.
Is that French? French? No, it's English.
你刚说的是法语？不，是英语。
Okay, thank you, Moss. Yeah, I'll uh...I'll give that a go.
好吧，谢谢你莫斯。行，就去那儿了。
Okay, I need a place to bring this girl that says "I'm a bastard."
我得带那个女人去一个地方，说明"我是个混蛋。"
Well, I went to a good place recently. Nice atmosphere. Food's great. It's got a bit of an edge.
好吧，我最近去了家好餐厅。环境优雅，食物美味，首屈一指。
Yeah? What's it called?
真的假的，叫什么？
Messijoes.
Messijoes.
What is that? Spanish?
你说啥，西班牙语？
No! Spanish? It's English. Messijoes.
不是！什么西班牙语？是英语，Messijoes。
Okey dokey, you get the firecracker nachos. And you are getting the prawn bites with spicy salsa.
好嘞，你的烟火小脆饼来啦。还有你的辣酱虾仁。
This seems an unusual place for someone like you to want to meet.
这儿看上去不像你这样的人约会通常来的地方。
Yeah, but...everyone needs a place to come to be alone.
没错，但是...每个人都需要一个地方独处。
Look at me! Yeah! Look at me!
快看我！耶！快看我！
Get a clown over here, please!
请让那个小丑过来！
You're a loner?
你是个不合群的人吗？
I'm a loner all right. I'm just a lonely loner on a lonely road. Alone.
没错，我就是个不合群的人。我是个寂寞的独行侠，行走在孤独的路上。一个人走。
Do you always wear shades?
你总是带着墨镜吗？
Always. They help me hide the fact I'm always lying to women.
一贯如此。墨镜能帮我掩盖我总对女人说谎的事实。
Every is having having fun, fun, fun.'Cause everything is nice and everyone is friendly.
每个人都非常开心、开心、开心。因为一切都很顺利，每个人都超级友好。
Lots of friendly faces having fun, fun, fun.'Cause everything is nice and everyone is friendly.
Smile and the world will...Excuse me! Excuse me! It's just...It's not...Sorry, it's just not appropriate at the moment.
微笑让世界变得...不好意思！只是...抱歉，现在不是唱歌的时候。
AHAHA! You're that bloke off the telly! And you must be the woman he phoned! Brilliant!
啊哈哈！你不是电视上那家伙嘛！你肯定是电话里那女的！真牛！
Funniest thing I've seen in ages. AHAHAHAHA...
昨天电视上那个，是我近来看过最搞笑的事！啊哈哈哈哈...
God! I'm a bastard!
天呐，我真不是东西！
Yes. So you keep saying.
没错，所以你只会说这句。
Trouble...It's basically what I am. Oh, thank you.
我至少也是个问题青年。呦，多谢啦。
You know something? I don't think you're a bastard at all.
你知道吗？我觉得你根本不是混蛋。
I am so. I am a complete tool.
我是啊。我整个就是一脑残蠢货。
Oh my God! No don't, don't! Don't hit him!
上帝啊！住手，别打了！别打他！
Hey! What's going on? Stay out of this, Fonzy!
喂，你打他干嘛？少管闲事，护花使者！
You're fighting in front of kids! I don't care!
你竟然在孩子面前打人！我才不管呢！
Oh! You're a brute!
哎呀！你才是粗暴纯爷们！
This bloke just insulted me!
这家伙竟敢侮辱我！
bloke,（英国俚语）人，家伙
Hey! Bit more careful with the clown shoe there, Mister.
喂！你拿着小丑鞋小心点，先生。
Just hold your head back.
你把头仰起来。
He caught me by surprise. When I see him tomorrow... That was his last day. Thank God!
他刚才突然袭击了我。等明天我一见他...他辞职了。谢天谢地！
Oh my God, look!
天呐，你看！
If you're coming, can you just bloody hurry up!
你要是过来，他妈的能不能走快点！
I'm coming! I... God's sake! I just need to take my shoes off.
行行行我就来了！我靠！我得把鞋脱了。
They look like such fruits. I'll call you a cab.
他俩看起来有戏。我帮你叫辆出租车吧。
No, no, no, it's fine. Taxi! I'll get my bus.
不用了，没关系。出租车！我搭公交就行。
Don't be stupid, it's cold. Taxi! Here. Oh God.
别傻了，这么冷的天坐什么公交。出租车！拿着。哎呀，天呐。
Here you can have your 20 back. I don't really think the bet proved anything. Taxi!
这20磅还你。我想这个赌也证明不了什么。出租车！
Thanks, Roy. I just want... Nice date!
谢谢你，罗伊。我只是想... 约会愉快！
Just a lonely loner walking a lonely road.
我是孤单的独行侠，走在孤独的路上。
Hi, girls. My name is Maurice Moss. Or Moss for short.
姑娘们好。我叫莫里斯·莫斯。或简称莫斯。
Sorry about the sound quality, but I'm having to do this in the toilet of my mom's house.
抱歉，音质不太好，可我只能在我妈妈家的厕所里录影。
She's watching Diagnosis Murder at full volume. And it drives me up the wall.
因为我老妈正在看《谋杀诊断》，把音量开到最大。那让我非常烦躁。
Don't worry, though. I'm sitting on the toilet but I'm not using it. What?
但请别担心，我虽然坐在马桶上，但我没在用它。干嘛？
Moss? Yes?
莫斯？干嘛？
What you doing in there?
你在里面做什么？
Number 2s, leave me alone!
上大号呢，别打扰我！
Don't forget to flush the toilet. Don't clog it up like you usually do.
别忘了冲厕所。别再把厕所给堵了，你老干这事。
I know! Just stop doing this! You're always doing this! You're making it going back in! Now, my type...
我知道！别再说了！你老是提这事！屎都给憋回去了！现在，说说我喜欢的类型...
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