Wisdom in life 9: Self-criticism

Criticism and self-criticism are healthy practices encouraged by the government in socialist new China. Self-criticism, i.e., examining one's weaknesses and faults, is important and useful because it gives us better insight into the possible and necessary changes in our behaviour and helps us correct some bad habits and achieve greater things in life.
Counterintuitively, too much self-criticism, instead of doing people well, can cause serious health problems, such as social anxiety, body image issues, feelings of worthlessness, and even depression.
In Nathaniel Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter, the Reverend Dimmesdale is a clear example of this. He falls in love with Hester, whose husband let her travel to America alone and promised to join her later. But after two years he was nowhere to be found. Perhaps he had died in a shipwreck. Life in colonial America is extremely hard. Hester, a lonely young widow, gradually falls in love with the Reverend Dimmesdale, who often helps her. A natural consequence of this is that Hester is pregnant. She is forced to tell who her illicit lover is. To protect Dimmesdale's reputation and professional development, Hester refuses to say anything. She is imprisoned and punished to wear a scarlet letter on her chest at all times as proof of her adultery. Dimmesdale is safe in public and is not punished, but in private he suffers constant guilt and self-reproach. Every night he whips himself and carves a knife into the flesh of his chest. Because of the many years of criticism and self-punishment, Dimmesdale's health deteriorates. Finally, he confesses his sin in public and collapses to the ground, breathing his life out in the arms of Hester and her daughter. Extreme self-criticism saps Dimmesdale's vitality and drives him to his death.

On the contrary, Hester spends no time criticizing herself. Instead of dwelling on her shame, she makes her home clean and tidy, dresses her daughter dazzlingly beautiful, and helps people in town with embroidery. Her dexterity, professionalism and generosity transform her into an abler and an angel-like person. The original badge of shame becomes an emblem of honour through her efforts. Hester's case proves that focusing not on self-criticism but on making things better is a life-changing behavior which can turn rotten into magic.

Counterintuitively, most people fail because they are too critical of themselves. A strong sense of self-criticism robs people of their self-confidence and life force, fills them with negativity and fear, and prevents them from trying again and again, locking them into terror and depression, which is nothing but killing.
People who have a lenient attitude toward themselves are more likely to succeed. For them, getting things done is much more important than doing them perfectly. Being a perfectionist is the pursuit of self-criticism, which seems admirable but is practically life-robbing. Look at Steve Jobs. If he were not an extreme critic of himself and others, he might still be alive and create more wonders for the world.
In short, a small amount of self-criticism is helpful, but do not go so far as to criticise yourself and others most of the time. Living longer and healthier is much more important than being a perfectionist.

生活中的智慧9：自我批评是反直觉的

批评和自我批评是社会主义新中国的政府所鼓励的健康做法。自我批评，即审视自己的弱点和缺点，是重要和有用的，因为它让我们更好地了解我们行为中可能和必要的改变，帮助我们纠正一些坏习惯，在生活中取得更大的成就。
反过来说，过多的自我批评，非但对人没有好处，反而会造成严重的健康问题，如社交焦虑、身体形象问题、无价值感，甚至抑郁症。
在纳撒尼尔-霍桑的《红字》中，丁梅斯代尔牧师就是一个明显的例子。他爱上了海丝特，她的丈夫让她独自前往美国，并承诺以后会跟随。但两年后，他就不知所踪了。也许他在一次船难中死去了。殖民时期的美国生活极其艰苦。海丝特，一个孤独的年轻寡妇，逐渐爱上了经常帮助她的丁梅斯代尔牧师。这样做的一个自然后果是海丝特怀孕了。她被迫说出她的非法恋人是谁。为了保护丁梅斯代尔的声誉和职业发展，海丝特拒绝说出任何事情。她被关进了监狱，并被罚在胸前一直戴着一个猩红的字母作为她通奸的证据。丁梅斯黛尔在公众场合是安全的，没有受到惩罚，但在私下里他却不断地遭受内疚和自责。每天晚上他都要抽打自己，并在胸前的肉上刻上一刀。由于多年来的批评和自我惩罚，丁梅斯代尔的健康状况不断恶化。最后，他当众承认了自己的罪行，倒在地上，在海丝特和她女儿的怀里咽下最后一口气。极端的自我批评消磨了丁梅斯代尔的活力，促使他走向死亡。
相反，海丝特没有花时间批评自己。她没有沉浸在自己的耻辱中，而是把自己的家弄得干净整洁，把女儿打扮得耀眼美丽，并帮助镇上的人做刺绣。她的心灵手巧、专业和慷慨使她变成了一个更优秀的人和一个天使般的人。原来的耻辱徽章通过她的努力变成了荣誉的象征。海丝特的案例证明，不注重自我批评而注重把事情做得更好是一种改变生活的行为，可以化腐朽为神奇。
与直觉相反的是，许多人的失败不是因为他们对自己的标准太松，而是因为他们对自己的批评太严厉。强烈的自我批评意识剥夺了人们的自信和生命力，使他们充满了消极和恐惧，使他们无法再去尝试，把他们锁在恐怖和抑郁之中，这无非是自杀。
对自己有宽松态度的人更容易成功。对他们来说，把事情做好比把事情做完美要重要得多。做一个自我批评的人是完美主义的追求者，这似乎令人钦佩，但实际上是对生命的摧残。看看史蒂夫-乔布斯。如果不是他对自己和他人的极端苛责，他可能仍然还活着，并为世界创造更多奇迹。
简而言之，少量的自我批评是有帮助的，但不要走得太远，以至于大部分时间都在批评自己和他人。活得更长久、更健康比做一个完美主义者要重要得多。

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