为什么处理男女朋友关系如此困难？

为什么处理男女朋友关系如此困难？

原创： 萨古鲁 Isha 9月8日

视频：《为什么处理男女朋友关系如此困难？》

这个问题是此次“青年与真理”提问活动中，Mouni Roy向萨古鲁提问的问题，Mouni Roy是最受欢迎女演员之一。每一天我们都处在各种各样的关系中，一开始这些关系通常是美妙的，然而随着彼此接触的深入，矛盾开始产生，它们看起来不再那么美好，尤其是恋爱与夫妻关系。为什么会这样？我们应该如何处理这些关系，以使得我们自己以及对方都能够在彼此的关系中变得喜悦？对于这个问题，萨古鲁是如何回答的，请观看视频与阅读下面的文章。

Mouni Roy: My question is, complexities of any relationship, why do they beyond a point become complex? Whether it’s between girlfriends, whether it’s between boyfriends. And specially relationship between a girlfriend and a boyfriend and husband-wife.

Mouni Roy：我的问题是关于关系，为什么过了一个时间点后关系都会变得复杂呢？不管是女性朋友之间还是男性朋友之间，还有尤其是恋爱关系和夫妻关系。

Sadhguru: Namaskaram Mouni. So you are beginning to taste the sourness of relationships. Of course, everybody knows the sweetness of relationships too, but there is also a lot of sourness. Unfortunately today, we have imbibed this from the West again that if you utter the word “relationship,” people are generally thinking of body-based relationships or in some way, it has to be between a man and a woman or whatever else, but essentially, body-based relationship.

萨古鲁：你好，Mouni。所以你已经开始体会到关系中的苦涩了。当然，所有人都了解关系中的甜蜜，但其中也有很多苦涩。不幸的是，如今在这点上我们又受了西方的影响。也就是，如果你说出“关系”一词，人们一般会想到的是基于肉体的关系，或者在某种程度上必须是男女之间的那一类，但本质上是基于肉体的关系。

No, relationships can be of many kinds. If they’re body-based relationships, usually the excitement about each other’s body will die after some time. What you thought was ultimate, is not ultimate after some time. It is natural that you begin to grow out of it, then when the main draw which brought people together is kind of melting away, without knowing why, they start being unpleasant to each other. Because essentially, such a relationship is towards extracting sweetness from another person extracting happiness from another person. So if you try to squeeze joy out of somebody, after some time, you find when it doesn’t yield the same results as it used to yield in the beginning, some bitterness will begin. 

不，关系可以有很多种。如果是基于肉体的关系，通常身体所激发的兴奋感会在一段时间后消逝。你以为是终极的，在一段时间后，变得不再是终极。你开始从中摆脱，是件很自然的事。那么，当初吸引彼此的因素消逝的时候，莫名其妙地，你们就会开始讨厌对方。这是因为，本质上这种关系是为了从对方身上索取甜蜜，从对方身上索取幸福。所以如果你试图从某人身上榨取快乐，过段时间后你会发现，当结果不再如交往当初那样如意时，一些恨意会就此升起。

It is important when you are young, certain things may happen. As you start growing older... When I say older, from yesterday to today, you’re older. I am not saying you’re old, Mouni, I’m just saying from yesterday to today you’re a little older. So today, you must be thinking in terms of that relationships that you hold in your life, not necessarily in terms of biological relationships, any kind of relationship that you hold if relationship is based on your expression of joy, not on extraction of joy.

重要的是，在你年轻时，可能发生了一些事，随着你年岁渐长……这里我指的是，从昨天到今天，你又年长了一点。我不是说Mouni你现在已经老了，我只是说从昨天到今天你又老了一点。所以今天，你必须思考，在你的人生中所保持的所有关系中，我说的并不一定是生理关系，而是你所拥有的任何关系中，是否，你的关系是基于你对快乐的表达，而不是对快乐的索取。

For this, you must become joyful by your own nature, first of all. If you focus on this, that you are an exuberant overflow of joy, if it is so and your relationship is only about sharing this, then you don’t have to worry about the normal circus that people go through in terms of relationships.

为此，你必须首先自发地变得快乐。如果你关注于让自己变成一股充满生机的快乐源泉。如果你能做到这一点，并且你的关系只是为了分享它，那么你不必担心人们在关系中一般会经历的闹剧。

Managing relationships means, in day to day life, a relationship may not stay just in one area of life, once people are together they will have to share many things. Naturally you will start stepping on each other’s toes for many, many small things that happen. Because of this, there will be many interactions or you can even call them altercations, they will happen. All this you cannot manage on a daily basis. People think they can manage, after some time you will see, you cannot manage. So the best thing is to manage yourself in such a way that you’re a natural, exuberant, joyful being. 

处理关系意味着在日常生活中，一段关系可能不会只限于生命的某一领域。一旦人们选择在一起，他们不得不分享很多东西，很自然地你会开始在数不清的小事上冒犯对方。因此会有很多互动或者，你可以称之为口角。会发生这类事情。所有这些你没法每天去处理。人们以为他们可以应对，但是一段时间后你会发现，你无法应对。所以最好的选择是管理自身，让自己成为一个自发的充满活力的、快乐的人。

If this is so, relationships will happen, and relationships will not be need-based. When relationships are need-based, if what you need does not come, you will start cribbing, you will start complaining, and you will start feeling bitter that what you are supposed to get you are not getting. If you eliminate this need within you that you are a natural overflow of joy, if this one thing you do, you can have fabulous relationship with every kind of people irrespective of who they are. They don’t have to be your kind. With all sorts of people you can hold wonderful relationships. May you have the most beautiful relationships in your life.

如果能做到这一点，关系就会发生，并且它将不再基于需求。当关系是基于需求时，如果你的需求没有实现，你会开始变得难受，你会开始抱怨。并且你会开始感到一丝恨意，认为你没有得到应该得到的。如果你从内在去除这种需要，让自己变成一股自然的快乐源泉，如果你只是做这一件事，你就能与任何类型的人都拥有非常美妙的关系，不管他们是谁。他们不需要和你是同一类人，与各种人你都能保持美妙的关系。祝愿你在生命中拥有最美好的关系。