我爱我的妻子，我的妻子死了

这是理查德费曼写给自己亡妻的一封信。

原文如下:

October 17, 1946

D’Arline, 

I adore you, sweetheart.

I know how much you like to hear that — but I don’t only write it because you like it — I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you’ll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.

But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can’t I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures.

When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn’t have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

I know you will assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and don’t want to be in my way. I’ll bet you are surprised that I don’t even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years. But you can’t help it, darling, nor can I — I don’t understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don’t want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you.

I love my wife. My wife is dead.

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don’t know your new address

翻译：

1946 年 10 月 17 日

亲爱的艾琳，

我喜欢你，亲爱的。

我知道你有多喜欢听这句话——但我写它不仅仅是因为你喜欢它——我写它是因为把它写给你回让我内心温暖。

自从我上次给你写信以来，已经是很长一段时间了——差不多两年了，但我知道你会原谅我的，因为你明白我是多么固执和现实，我认为写信没有意义。

但是我亲爱的妻子，现在我终于现在该做我一直没有拖延的事情了，这件事情我过去已经做了很多。我想告诉你我爱你。我想要爱你。我永远爱你。

我很难理解在你死后爱你意味着什么——但我仍然想安慰和照顾你——我希望你爱我、关心我。我有问题想和你讨论——我想和你做一些小项目，直到现在我才想到我们可以做到这一点。我们应该做什么。我们开始学习一起做衣服——或者学中文——或者弄个电影放映机。我现在不能做点什么吗？不。没有你我孤身一人，而你是我们所有狂野冒险的发起人。

当你生病时，你会担心，因为你无法给我你想要并认为我需要的东西。你不必担心。正如我当时告诉你的那样，我并不需要你做什么，因为我在很多方面都非常爱你。现在它显然更加真实——你现在什么都不能给我，但我爱你，所以你阻碍了我爱其他人——但我希望你站在那里。你，死了，比任何活着的人都要好得多。

我知道你认为我是愚蠢的，你希望我拥有完全的幸福，不想妨碍我。我敢打赌，两年后我甚至没有女朋友（除了你，亲爱的），你一定很惊讶。但是你无能为力，亲爱的，我也无能为力——我不明白，因为我遇到了很多女孩和非常好的女孩，我不想一个人呆着——但是在两三次见面中，她们似乎就像是尘埃。我只剩下你了。你是真实的。

我亲爱的妻子，我真的很喜欢你。

我爱我的妻子。我的妻子死了。

理查德。

PS 请原谅我没有邮寄这封信 - 因为我不知道你的新地址。