Saturday night I figured out. Actually I was depressed from several things, well one of the things is still the family drama. Last week, my Mom was upset then she started to ask me to wash dishes exactly as she did which actually wasted more water than the way I did (she will never let me convince her). She said water bill went up. I said if we use the washer the water supposed to be more than before we got the washer, same as last year. She said "No, we didn't get the washer until September ", ok, September still was last year, what she said didn't make any sense. So I went to my Dad, suggested we could have a family meeting about how to save money together if Mom was worrying about the bills. My Dad said don't worry about her, she worried about things way too much. She was upset because he took some money to get something for himself.
I said, "But she came to me, to require me to do this and that, which I already tried my best. I took shower 1-2 times per week, kids had showers every 2-3days. I barely cooked, mostly just boiled food, (and recent weeks I mostly ate salads). In terms of using the washer, three of us only had two loads each week. " My Dad comforted me but that was never an end.
They had several arguments these days. She complained about him to use money here and there, but she kept avoiding talking about herself. My Dad said so, I agree. Her Starbucks coffee large is about 7.50$ , she gets it 5-6 days a week, it is like 2000$ every year. Plus she still smokes a lot, I have no idea how much that is every year, guess it is more than the coffee money. She got her new phone, she got new game. My Dad is very nice, give her a lot of money to make her happy, but if she doesn't do financial well and comes back to me (mostly she requires me only) with that worry, acts like I would save her thousands bucks, I am very stressed.
I know it is temporary. But the depression is deep in my blood and go down to my heel, once a while I am very quiet, I don't want to talk. Plus, she recently plays games a lot, she does not watch her mouth all the time, I have hard time to get a good nap when I can not sleep at night.
So Saturday night I had a long night, next day I decided to cheer myself up, thought about everything I wanted almost I got all. I have my boy friend, got tax return, I checked my vision and my glasses will be on the way, after that I can go to take the writing test. I can go to China Embassy soon to get my son’s Travel Document, right after that, I can book the tickets. Also Saturday night I spoke to one old friend of mine, she sells airplanes tickets. She checked prices of July tickets, a lot better than I checked, if I can book shortly. Sunday I went to work super early, talked loudly with Brandi (girl working in salad bar), sang and did my work bit slowly, got off work early. Got all my groceries,listened some music. I was worrying about losing sleep again, but I didn't go to bed early, played with Lele, did sit-ups, relaxed a lot. Finally I got some sleep last night. :)
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