2019年6月写作直播反馈（一）

自现象级英语

How to give advice without offence + my own highlights

同义替换：for a start, first, in the first place

结构：for a start 和 another way 应为平行并列的关系

问题：logic, clarity, repetition

用词：wreak havoc on sth 大的影响

结构：一二句可以合并

Justin's correction

同义替换：opt for, choose

优点：观点清晰：吃-睡-动；展开观点充分

My début
Justin's correction
Justin's correction

主语：第三句 主语应该是the government

Justin's correction

could, may 替换should, must， 委婉而不是生硬

unsolicited advice, unwanted advice: 命令、警告用should, must

You could learn to calculate. 你可以自己判断要不要做

If I were you, I would do sth.

If you ask me, I would do sth.

It is to your benefit to do sth.

It would be to your benefit to do sth.

Justin's correction

Takeaway：长句中应把最重要的信息点放在句首和句尾

推荐书目：Style: Towards Clarity and Grace

日常言行：everday words and deeds

Justin's correction

同义替换：to be awake to, to be aware of

Justin's correction

an actionable schedule 可行的日程表, actionable advice

 My second shot
Justin's correction

lack of consumption: the fact that people do not buy sth

Justin's versions

黑人的称谓:black 可以用，negro, nigger 不可以，African Americans 政治正确

Justin's version

Personal Review

For a start I need to admit that my recent English learning has been slack. Given that multitasking is a common occurrence, I have no grounds to complain. Another problem is negligence. Embracing easy choices of words has led me down a slippery slope. 

Thanks to the writing exercises and reviews, complacency, once my central issue, has all but disappeared. (Well, I should be awake to replases.) It has been replaced by doubts and regrets highlighted by mistakes that could have been avoided. The hope is that this time practice breeds greater concentration and confidence than greater lament.