作文题目
Some people think they have right to use as much fresh water as they want; others, otherwise, believes governments should strictly control the use of fresh water as it is limited resource. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
第一次写：
Water is an unlimited resource for me until an exchange student trip to Australia, a country with severe water shortage. My host said "shower time is 5 minutes" which makes me realize that water is precious for people in Australia and they use it carefully. Therefore, I am of the opinion that specific conditions should be analyzed specifically.
开篇应该做原文改写，然后直接用主题句。这个写法过于啰嗦
For those regions with abundant water resources, no restriction on water consumption will create more value for the society. Different people have different water needs. Some people have a beautiful garden which needs more water to irrigate. Some people enjoy taking a bath which consumes more water than showering. Others are prone to attend interesting activities related to water, like swimming, water park, fish tank etc. All of these things enrich people’s lives, promote economic development and bring people happiness. To put it more precisely, flexible and rational use of water is a fundamental right. As long as people don’t waste water deliberately, they should have the right to use as much fresh water as they want. Use more, pay more. There exists an invisible hand to balance between the water fee and the value of water. Voluntary trades in a free market produce unintentional and widespread benefits which are greater than those of a regulated, planned economy.
- 主题变更。一开始在讲给社会提升价值，之后又提到是基本人权。主题不一致。主观句过多。需要表达观点，然后用客观的句子去证明观点。
- is prone to 一般用于贬义的事情，这边建议is likely to xxx
- Use more, pay more. 这种太口语化，不适合在写作中使用。
From another perspective, the use of water should be strictly controlled by governments in water-stressed regions like the Middle East, North Africa. People cannot survive without enough fresh water. If the government does not take any restrictive measures, this approach gives rise to severe consequences. This is most manifest in the case of poor families. They will die of lack of water. At the same time, wealthy families spend a lot of water on maintaining a gorgeous fountain. In the wake of this regrettable social problem, measures have to be taken to come to grips with them. For one thing, the government should ban any extravagant activity that consumes a lot of water. For another, government should ensure everyone has access to adequate water for domestic use with an affordable price.
可以对government 做同义替换
可以把一些事实展的更开一些
修改后版本：
It is commonly believed that using water without restriction is fundamental right. Other people who lived in region with severe water shortage ask government to strictly limit the use of fresh water. I am of the opinion that specific conditions should be analyzed specifically.
For those regions with abundant water resources, no restriction on water consumption will enrich people’s lives and bring people happiness. Different people have different water needs to make them enjoyable. Some people have a beautiful garden which needs more water to irrigate. The beautiful landscape can offer the host cheerful temper. Some people enjoy taking a bath which consumes more water than showering. Others are likely to attend interesting activities related to water, like swimming, water park, fish tank etc. All of these things could not be achieved without using water freely.
From another perspective, the use of water should be strictly controlled by governments in water-stressed regions like the Middle East, North Africa. People cannot survive without enough fresh water. If the government does not take any restrictive measures, this approach gives rise to severe consequences. This is most manifest in the case of poor families. Because of expensive water price, they have to use some unsanitary water which lead to some health problem like dysentery and cholera. Simultaneously, wealthy families could charge a lot of water to do some luxury entertainment like maintaining a gorgeous fountain. To prevent this lamentable situation from happening, for one thing, the ministry should ban any extravagant activity that consumes a lot of water. For another, official should ensure everyone has access to adequate water for domestic use with an affordable price.
To sum up, government should restrict water usage in water-scarce areas, and should let people consume water freely in other areas.
excellent phrases:
A lamentable fact is that 一个可悲的事实是
dramatic increase 急剧增加
be ascribed to 归于
To put it more precisely 更准备的说
are prone to 倾向于/编译
absence of xxx has a role to play in xxx problem 缺少a在b问题上扮演了重要角色
be stripped of the time to do something 被剥夺时间做某事
gives rise to severe consequence 导致严重的后果
bereft of xxx 丧失xxx
In the wake of xxx, measures have to be taken to come to grip with them
在xxx的情况下，必须要采取措施去解决
Steer sb away from trouble 带某人脱坑
Be of the opinion that xxx 认为
Cheerful temper 好心情
This is most manifest in case of xxx 在xxx的情况下最为明显
An affordable price 付得起的价格
同义替换:
Abundant/ ample/ plentiful/ luxurious/ adequate
Expensive/ dear/ costly/ pricey/ big-ticket
at the same time/ meanwhile/ simultaneously
government/ ministry/ official
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